Invited to the Ceremony and not the Reception

jenngb · November 2010

We would like to keep our guest list under 200. The problem is we have over 300 people on our list. A bulk of them are parents of the kids we taught that we are close to. (We are both teachers) A co-worker told us that she invited the parents to the ceremony only since that is the most important part.
What are your thoughts on inviting everyone to the ceremony but only family and close friends to the ceremony and reception?

sarah0725 · November 2010

I have bad thoughts about that.

Calypso1977 · November 2010

its incredibly rude. guests must be invited to the reception.

PsyDet 2155 · November 2010

Please don't invite some people to the ceremony but not to the reception. It's incredibly rude.

Beachy730 · November 2010

No, it is rude to invite people to only part of your wedding. My suggestion: cut the parents entirely. I am a teacher too and wanted nothing to do with students or their parents at my wedding. Personally I think it is inappropriate to mix your professional life iwth your private life as a teacher.

Whatever the reasoning, tiered weddings are never okay. Especially when you go the route of inviting people to the ceremony only and not the reception, its saying "its important to us for you to take the time out of your day to attend our wedding ceremony, but you're not important enough for us to buy you dinner." And the reception is technically a thank you to your guests for coming to the ceremony, so these people wouldn't be getting thanked.

Again, I say scrap the parents entirely. If they come up and ask you for the info about your ceremony, you could casually say "oh its at ______ location," and if they ask for a time or show up on their own, thats another story.

Amisslis · November 2010

It is very rude and will definitely offend people.

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invited-ceremony-not-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb637560-4646-4f54-b493-23317090fb4fPost:15d436c4-c9b6-4bb0-abda-e5963f80a3cf">Invited to the Ceremony and not the Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]We would like to keep our guest list under 200. The problem is we have over 300 people on our list. A bulk of them are parents of the kids we taught that we are close to. (We are both teachers) A co-worker told us that she invited the parents to the ceremony only since that is the most important part. What are your thoughts on inviting everyone to the ceremony but only family and close friends to the ceremony and reception?
Posted by jenngb[/QUOTE]

Simply Fated · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invited-ceremony-not-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb637560-4646-4f54-b493-23317090fb4fPost:6d4f801d-85a5-4935-836c-2b613e87e9b3">Re: Invited to the Ceremony and not the Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]No, it is rude to invite people to only part of your wedding. My suggestion: cut the parents entirely. I am a teacher too and wanted nothing to do with students or their parents at my wedding. Personally I think it is inappropriate to mix your professional life iwth your private life as a teacher. Whatever the reasoning, tiered weddings are never okay. Especially when you go the route of inviting people to the ceremony only and not the reception, its saying "its important to us for you to take the time out of your day to attend our wedding ceremony, but you're not important enough for us to buy you dinner." And the reception is technically a thank you to your guests for coming to the ceremony, so these people wouldn't be getting thanked. Again, I say scrap the parents entirely. If they come up and ask you for the info about your ceremony, you could casually say "oh its at ______ location," and if they ask for a time or show up on their own, thats another story.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
This is good advice and I suggest you take it. :)

shoegal715 · November 2010

Don't do it. Very tacky and rude.

sister2groom · November 2010

Bad idea.

orangecrush32 · November 2010

Yeah I'm gonna agree with the last poster. It's okay to have a larger reception than ceremony, but not vice versa. It is incredibly rude to invite people to the wedding and not invite them to the reception. I'm sure you would love for all 300+ people to attend, but you need to make cutbacks if you can't afford them at your reception.

ivyrose13 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invited-ceremony-not-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb637560-4646-4f54-b493-23317090fb4fPost:6d4f801d-85a5-4935-836c-2b613e87e9b3">Re: Invited to the Ceremony and not the Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]No, <strong>it is rude to invite people to only part of your wedding</strong>. My suggestion: cut the parents entirely. I am a teacher too and wanted nothing to do with students or their parents at my wedding. <strong>Personally I think it is inappropriate to mix your professional life iwth your private life as a teacher.</strong> Whatever the reasoning, tiered weddings are never okay. Especially<strong> when you go the route of inviting people to the ceremony only and not the reception, its saying "its important to us for you to take the time out of your day to attend our wedding ceremony, but you're not important enough for us to buy you dinner." And the reception is technically a thank you to your guests for coming to the ceremony, so these people wouldn't be getting thanked. </strong> Again, I say scrap the parents entirely. If they come up and ask you for the info about your ceremony, you could casually say "oh its at ______ location," and if they ask for a time or show up on their own, thats another story.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This.

</div>

emilyinchile · November 2010

If they're not important enough for you to pay for them to eat and drink at the reception, they're not important enough to invite to watch you say your vows - simple as that.

JerseyML · November 2010

When I was a kid one of our teachers got married and had an open invitation for the students in the 5th grade to come to the ceremony. When we were in the 4th grade we were her first students ever. None of us were invited to the reception just the mass. But we went anyway to root our teacher on. We were kids, thats what we thought you did at weddings. After the mass, she took a picture with all of us and kept it on her desk.

This was the only time I was ever invited to the ceremony and not the reception. I have had other teacher friends who recently got married and they also invited some students to come to the ceremony who weren't invited to the reception. They just go for the thought. Adults on the other hand will expect to get invited to the reception if they have a formal invite to the ceremony. Period.

golden1215 · November 2010

Like PPs, do not formally invite them. If they ask you- or someone else- for the time and place of your ceremony I guess its okay to let them know, and then they can show up on their own if they reeeally want to, but thats it.

krimson19 · November 2010

i agree with the PPs. don't invite any of the parents.

heyimbren · November 2010

A reception is a thank you for your guests who partake in your special day (the ceremony). Therefore, you shoudn't invite 300 to the ceremony and then cut out 100 for the reception. It's rude.

Mary Susan and Chris · November 2010

My Fi and I are both in education. He is an Administrator and I am a teacher. I have been teaching at my school for 10 years, he has only been at his for three. I teach a course where the students start with me in 9th grade and take a class from me each year. I get to know these students extremely well. It is a completer proigram for high school graduation. My students know about the wedding and are very excited for me. I have informed them that there is not room for them to come to the reception since it onlyholds 160 maximum and with our families being soooo big there is not room for them. They still want to come to the ceremony.
We both are also members of churches that are very large and we are close to many of the members. We have beenin these churches since we were kids. We are plannin gon opeing the ceremony to the members of the church but not to the reception. We are not being cheap, it is not a financial thing that they are not being invited to the reception, my parents said we could have up to 200 people, it is the venue we selected that only has room for 160 guests. So there are people not getting invites to the reception. I see nothing wrong with this and do not feel that it is rude.

squirrly · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invited-ceremony-not-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb637560-4646-4f54-b493-23317090fb4fPost:71b36d7c-45bf-45a0-9693-1d1635214b86">Re: Invited to the Ceremony and not the Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fi and I are both in education. He is an Administrator and I am a teacher. I have been teaching at my school for 10 years, he has only been at his for three. I teach a course where the students start with me in 9th grade and take a class from me each year. I get to know these students extremely well. It is a completer proigram for high school graduation. My students know about the wedding and are very excited for me. I have informed them that there is not room for them to come to the reception since it onlyholds 160 maximum and with our families being soooo big there is not room for them. They still want to come to the ceremony. We both are also members of churches that are very large and we are close to many of the members. We have beenin these churches since we were kids. We are plannin gon opeing the ceremony to the members of the church but not to the reception. We are not being cheap, it is not a financial thing that they are not being invited to the reception, my parents said we could have up to 200 people, it is the venue we selected that only has room for 160 guests. So there are people not getting invites to the reception. I see nothing wrong with this and do not feel that it is rude.
Posted by Mary Susan and Chris[/QUOTE]

Regardless of how you see it, it IS rude. Someone WILL get their feelings hurt, and some students may try to attend the reception anyway.

I completely understand having the same students for years and being a part of your life and vice versa. I was a high school volleyball coach up until this summer, and I did not include my athletes in my wedding. They knew I was getting married. Had I returned for the fall season (my wedding was in May of this year), I would have ordered pizza and brought drinks for the ones who wanted to stay after practice one day to see the pictures. I don't mind sharing the photos with them. But it would have been inappropriate to have them attend at all - they're not part of my personal life.

My athletes have my cell number, and know they can call anytime they need me. But, they're not my FB friends. It's one thing to be part of a student's life, be supportive, etc., and another to be "friends" with them. There needs to be a boundry, and IMO, your wedding is on the other side of that boundry.

To me, anyone that you wouldn't have to your house for dinner shouldn't be invited to your wedding.

Beachy730 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invited-ceremony-not-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb637560-4646-4f54-b493-23317090fb4fPost:71b36d7c-45bf-45a0-9693-1d1635214b86">Re: Invited to the Ceremony and not the Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fi and I are both in education. He is an Administrator and I am a teacher. I have been teaching at my school for 10 years, he has only been at his for three. I teach a course where the students start with me in 9th grade and take a class from me each year. I get to know these students extremely well. It is a completer proigram for high school graduation. My students know about the wedding and are very excited for me. I have informed them that there is not room for them to come to the reception since it onlyholds 160 maximum and with our families being soooo big there is not room for them. They still want to come to the ceremony. We both are also members of churches that are very large and we are close to many of the members. We have beenin these churches since we were kids. We are plannin gon opeing the ceremony to the members of the church but not to the reception. We are not being cheap, it is not a financial thing that they are not being invited to the reception, my parents said we could have up to 200 people, it is the venue we selected that only has room for 160 guests. So there are people not getting invites to the reception. I see nothing wrong with this and do not feel that it is rude.
Posted by Mary Susan and Chris[/QUOTE]

Just an FYI, from your name and signature, I can figure out your FI's name, and now I know his job, which makes it pretty easy to find him. I highly suggest making a new SN.

Soon2BMrsClay · November 2010

Yikes. I'd say this is a big fat no. It is quite rude to invite someone to the ceremony and then not invite them to the reception.

jenngb · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invited-ceremony-not-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cb637560-4646-4f54-b493-23317090fb4fPost:2c8cf9fb-a6a8-43c5-9cbf-b642741857f8">Re: Invited to the Ceremony and not the Reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, it's a don't. As for the student/teacher thing, I'm a future teacher and find it kinda really weird to invite students to my wedding/ or any major event. Kinda majorly blurring the relationship line with that one-- especially if they're minors. If these were adult students, it still kind of weird, but not as creepy.
Posted by srkropf[/QUOTE]

Students were never going to be invited anyway. We have a close relationship with some of the parents. The ones that I babysit or go to their birthday parties, etc.

EVERYONE: Thanks for the advice everyone. I was glad to hear it from everyone.

Someone mentioned that I could have a get-together with the parents at another time but I wasn't sure how I could do something with just parents. Some of the parents have even asked if they were invited and details of the wedding.

Night_Sprite · November 2010

You can choose to be vague. "Thank you. It's going well. How is work?"

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