I'm still in disbelief that I'm actually writing this - but last weekend our family experienced a tragic loss when our brother-in-law & groomsman was killed in a car accident. (FI's sister's husband) Our countdown was at 40 days the day he died. This past week has been spent with family & friends to celebrate his life and mourn his passing. This is the post I shared with my wedding month board if you wish to read it:
http://tinyurl.com/7mrcapj
Besides the initial shock and obvious conclusion that he would not be there on our wedding day, I hadn't/haven't thought about the wedding for obvious reasons. Even now that he is laid to rest I still feel extremely guilty for even thinking about making arrangements to accommodate his absence and even moving forward with our nonrelated wedding plans, but with just over a month to go I know I have to start thinking about it.
Obviously we wouldn't even consider replacing him, but the only other thing I've done is tell FSIL (his widow, and supposed to be a BM) not to worry about anything wedding related - she asked me about cancelling his tux the day after he died, I told her I would make any arrangements that needed to be made. I also told her that while we would still love to have her as a BM, that we would support her decision if she didn't feel up to being part of the ceremony as she has made several comments implying that this was a possibility.
I guess my point is that we would like to honor his memory at our wedding. From reading a lot of posts over the past year and half it seems to me like there is a fine line between honoring the memory of someone who has passed and focusing too much on mourning the deceased instead of celebrating the marriage. He was very much a life-of-the-party kind of guy and I know he would want us to focus on the latter instead of the former. It's also tough because the grief is so sudden and so new - I'm not trying to say it isn't also difficult for brides who have had more time elapsed since the passing of their loved one, but it is extra difficult since only a few weeks will pass before the wedding.
I'm just kind of lost as to how to proceed. I didn't even know where to post this as I assume there is no real etiquette so to speak in this type of situation (although maybe I'm wrong). So far my only idea was to leave his name in the program as is, but italicized - we already had a "in loving memory" section so I was going to add him there as well, with his birth/death dates and possible a short statement. I'd ask FSIL, but I don't think she'll be in any state to help me anytime soon.
I'd appreciate any thoughts/suggestions/advice on what we could do for him.