Need advice for wording on a friend's bridal shower invitation!

southcarolinamom · April 2011

I'm in charge of the bridal shower invitations. Here's the tricky part -

she and her fiance will be living in South Korea after the wedding here in the States.

They are respectfully requesting monetary gifts, instead of registering at various local stores, since they don't want to take a lot of US items with them to Korea.

Is it ok to word the invitation something like :

You are invited to a bridal showering honoring "x", fiancee of "y",

at the home of "Z" on "date".

"X" and "Y" are respectfully requesting only monetary gifts, as they

will be "setting up housekeeping" in South Korea.

Any advice is appreciated! Thanks!

HockeyFan4 · April 2011

the point of a shower is to shower the couple with gifts....if they dont want gifts they should decline the shower

KellyBrian2013 · April 2011

There is no way to respectfully ask people for gifts of money. They ought to decline the shower.

kcscejal · April 2011

No gifts = no shower. There is never a polite way to ask for money.

nurse.misty · April 2011

DItto PP's. If they don't want gifts, they shouldn't have a shower. There really isn't an appropriate way to ask people for money.

bridezillatobe2009 · April 2011

maybe have a send off party or ladies lunchon or something. It is NEVER ok to mention gifts on any kind of invite. Shower=gifts.

mica178 · April 2011

It's okay to mention registry information on shower invitations. It's not okay to mention what the bride specifically wants guests to bring her at the shower.

If she only wants cash gifts, she should not have a shower. To shower a bride with cash makes me think of prostitution and stripping.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · April 2011

I would suggest to her that you have a girl's luncheon or pre-wedding tes - not exactly a shower, but a way to get together with her friends and family who would normally be invited to a shower.

SparrowSong · April 2011

That is not the makings of a fun shower. Watching her read off the numbers on checks? I agree. If she doesn't want gifts, she shouldn't have a shower.

PsyDet 2155 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-wording-friends-bridal-shower-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bbff923-234a-4425-9f4b-b7a7d030d637Post:2f949df0-f64b-407b-ba20-bf1d9e5653fc">Re: Need advice for wording on a friend's bridal shower invitation!</a>:
[QUOTE]No gifts = no shower. Posted by kcscejal[/QUOTE]

This.

southcarolinamom · April 2011

Thanks for the input, everyone.

I understand there is a strong consensus on theknot.com to not give her a shower, if the couple is requesting money and not gifts. However, our church WILL be giving her a bridal shower. I was simply asking for advice on how to WORD this unusual shower invitation tastefully.

HockeyFan4 · April 2011

since it is your church....and you are having one regardless.... perhaps the best route would say something like:

"lets get together and celebrate before X & Z get married and move to South Korea"

I would avoid any mention of gifts....if someone decided to get them some sort of something....hopefully they will realize that it would be difficult to move with *stuff*

southcarolinamom · April 2011

Thanks for your suggestion - that's a tasteful way to handle it!

I thought of mentioning a "money tree" idea on the invitation, but thought that would be tacky.

Meg1036 · April 2011

Is it possible for them to register for only easy-to-move items? I have a friend who is getting married in/moving to Peru. She had a local shower, but had primarily registered for linens and small kitchen items that are easily transported. Nothing big or heavy. While I normally get place settings or pots/pans for showers, I understood the constraint and was happy to buy linens instead.

So they managed to have a shower without asking for money, but still got things they could move. There is simply no polite way to ask for money.

Milsey32 · April 2011

On the invitation you could leave your contact information and when someone calls/emails you about what they want you could tell them they're moving so they are really just saving up to stock their South Korean home full of stuff.

Honestly, the bride can still decline the shower whether or not you say the church is throwing it. No bride = No shower. I give married couples money for their wedding gift but if I'm invited to the shower, I would not bring money. I really like how PPs said you could call it a luncheon instead.

mejane123 · April 2011

Ditto maybe registering for easy to move items. No china or appliances, but the little things that usually go on like sheets, towels, small gadgets, etc. that they could fit into one big suitcase that they can check when they fly over. They could even register for a new luggage set. But if she doesn't want to do that, I don't think she should accept the shower, even if it is her church. I'd agree with some kind of luncheon thing, but again, people might think they have to bring gifts.

teachermegs · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-wording-friends-bridal-shower-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bbff923-234a-4425-9f4b-b7a7d030d637Post:0535e8d7-e727-4d30-b1ca-dc0b919ddb14">Re: Need advice for wording on a friend's bridal shower invitation!</a>:
[QUOTE] To shower a bride with cash makes me think of prostitution and stripping.
Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

Can I use this line on R&G?

I love it!

trix1223 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-wording-friends-bridal-shower-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bbff923-234a-4425-9f4b-b7a7d030d637Post:fc2e5c04-44bb-47c1-a5d8-35baaee8d9ea">Re: Need advice for wording on a friend's bridal shower invitation!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the input, everyone. I understand there is a strong consensus on theknot.com to not give her a shower, if the couple is requesting money and not gifts. However, our church WILL be giving her a bridal shower. <strong> I was simply asking for advice on how to WORD this unusual shower invitation tastefully. </strong>
Posted by southcarolinamom[/QUOTE]
The reason that you're struggling is that there isn't any way to graciously word something that is ungracious. But good luck to you.

Irishcurls · April 2011

Or just ship the gifts home, like everyone else does that has an oot shower.

Summer2011Bride · April 2011

I still wouldn't throw a "shower." You could have a going-way party or just throw a party celebrating their marriage (not mentioning gifts for either), but whether it's a family relative or a church, there shouldn't be a shower where you are asking for cash. Ever asking for cash is tacky. That's why you're struggling finding a way to do that is polite--that doesn't exist.

DramaGeek · April 2011

I second (or third, or wherever we are in the line up) the idea of having a bon voyage party or bridal tea instead of a shower. People can still bring gifts if they want to, and I'm sure many will, but if the couple doesn't want actual gifts then there's really no point in a shower. Have a party to honor them but don't call it a shower.

lindsay5432 · April 2011

Maybe don't put it on the invitation, but spread the word that there will be a "money tree".

mica178 · April 2011

Megs, of course you can use my lines. Unlike Charlie Sheen, I don't patent them.

MyNameIsNot · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-wording-friends-bridal-shower-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bbff923-234a-4425-9f4b-b7a7d030d637Post:fc2e5c04-44bb-47c1-a5d8-35baaee8d9ea">Re: Need advice for wording on a friend's bridal shower invitation!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the input, everyone. I understand there is a strong consensus on theknot.com to not give her a shower, if the couple is requesting money and not gifts. However, our church WILL be giving her a bridal shower. I was simply asking for advice on how to WORD this unusual shower invitation tastefully.
Posted by southcarolinamom[/QUOTE]

<div>It's not a consensus on the knot. It's a consensus in polite society that you don't throw a money shower. </div><div>
</div><div>You can't come up with a way to word this tastefully because it is a very inappropriate thing to do. It's like trying to come up with a polite way to tell your friend she's ugly. </div>

Magdeline687 · April 2011

She could register at Bed, Bath & Beyond and register for small items; if she can't carry them all, she could return some things for cash.

banana468 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-advice-wording-friends-bridal-shower-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3bbff923-234a-4425-9f4b-b7a7d030d637Post:de80d62c-4fde-4435-a8c9-d8f20ef429a0">Re: Need advice for wording on a friend's bridal shower invitation!</a>:
[QUOTE]She could register at Bed, Bath & Beyond and register for small items; if she can't carry them all, she could return some things for cash.
Posted by Magdeline687[/QUOTE]

This is a bad idea. If she can't take the item she shouldn't register for it. Returning for cash us rude to the gift giver, the store and ultimately spoils their return policy for others.

NOLAbridealmost · April 2011

"Please bring plenty of 1's because we're gonna make it rain on this bride"

Need advice for wording on a friend's bridal shower invitation!

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