Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons

banana468 · March 2010

Yes, a lie of omission isn't a lie at all.

That people excuse this stuff makes me want to puke.

kdlopez1631 · March 2010

its none of their business i think it is ridicuous that people are getting so upset... It is a financial decision and a personal one at that. People come to see a wedding, and they do, it is all stressful enough without adding a huge explanation of "hey i don't have enough money to pay for outside insurance sooo...." You people are becoming personally offended, its a reasonable thing to do. Okay lol i am done with this thread.

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:24d74de2-0d87-4658-b681-001435b672c5">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]its none of their business i think it is ridicuous that people are getting so upset... It is a financial decision and a personal one at that. People come to see a wedding, and they do, it is all stressful enough without adding a huge explanation of "hey i don't have enough money to pay for outside insurance sooo...." You people are becoming personally offended, its a reasonable thing to do. Okay lol i am done with this thread.
Posted by kdlopez1631[/QUOTE]

It's none of their business? So if your child or sibling or best friend got married and didn't tell you, then let you get all excited and involved in planning their "big day" with them, then it would be none of your business whether they were already <em>married</em> or not? You'd be okay with not even knowing this happened? I don't believe this at all.

And you're right, people "come to see a wedding," which is why they are disappointed when it's not actually a wedding but a reenactment. I personally don't have an issue with people doing a vow renewal if they had to get hitched quick for whatever reasons. But lying about already being married and then standing up there in a big white dress playing bride and groom is NOT a wedding, so you are being deceitful to your guests. As a guest, I'd sure feel like it was my business to know whether I'm witnessing the real thing or not. Otherwise why did I buy a gift and take time out of my day with potential travel to come witness it?

sucrets4 · March 2010

BG, you're awfully pissy. Are you sure you're not knocked up?

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

Oh shitt, I must be Sucrets! You should patent this new internet pregancy test, I'm sure it's worth millions.

I am pissy, because people keep coming back and insisting on rationalizing the crap out of shitty, selfish behavior. Why is it so hard to understand that you shouldn't lie to your loved ones because they care about important events in your life, like getting married?

sucrets4 · March 2010

I know. And not comprehending the 'secret' part and that people will most likely find out when there is no marriage license to sign.

renee.himes.osu · March 2010

Wow!! you guys are creepy!! STALKING??? GET AN F** LIFE!

My FH and I only considered this as a joke. Then I found out I actually had friends that did this! I thought it would start a fun debate and I knew posting it on the snarky brides bored would get some fun responses.

I was entertained and laughed the whole way through the bored.. until I got to the stalking part.

You guys took this to a creepy level!!! STALKING! seriously how pathetic are you guys? I created my wedding website when I was first engaged and then decided it was stupid and never put it on my save the dates. Only my sister knew about it.

This post went from super entertaining to seriously pathetic. GET A F** life losers and realize that I only posted it to get you riled up and was curious what people thought of this topic

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:5a9173a3-5e80-4644-a5a7-f4128c1775a9">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow!! you guys are creepy!! STALKING??? GET AN F** LIFE! My FH and I only considered this as a joke. Then I found out I actually had friends that did this! I thought it would start a fun debate and I knew posting it on the snarky brides bored would get some fun responses. I was entertained and laughed the whole way through the bored.. until I got to the stalking part. You guys took this to a creepy level!!! STALKING! seriously how pathetic are you guys? I created my wedding website when I was first engaged and then decided it was stupid and never put it on my save the dates. Only my sister knew about it. This post went from super entertaining to seriously pathetic. GET A F** life losers and realize that I only posted it to get you riled up and was curious what people thought of this topic
Posted by <a href="mailto:renee.himes.osu@gmail.com" title="Linkification: mailto:renee.himes.osu@gmail.com" class="linkification-ext">renee.himes.osu@gmail.com</a>[/QUOTE]

Whoa, simmer down lady.

#1: It's not stalking to look at a website that someone posts on a <strong>public internet form. </strong>Obviously she wants people to look at it, which is why it's in her sig. So slow your roll, please. You wouldn't be freaking out if someone was referencing someone else's bio, would you?

#2: It is both dangerous and unbelievably poor judgment to include your and your FI's first and last names, plus the date and street address of your wedding, PLUS where you went to school during what years, and all kinds of other personal info on a public website that is not password protected.

Any old internet creeper could use this info in whatever ways they wanted. Luckily for the poster, Sucrets and I are not old internet creepers, but the point is we could be. She would be wise to take it down or privatize it.

sucrets4 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:5a9173a3-5e80-4644-a5a7-f4128c1775a9">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow!! you guys are creepy!! STALKING??? GET AN F** LIFE! My FH and I only considered this as a joke. Then I found out I actually had friends that did this! I thought it would start a fun debate and I knew posting it on the snarky brides bored would get some fun responses. I was entertained and laughed the whole way through the bored.. until I got to the stalking part. You guys took this to a creepy level!!! STALKING! seriously how pathetic are you guys? I created my wedding website when I was first engaged and then decided it was stupid and never put it on my save the dates. Only my sister knew about it. This post went from super entertaining to seriously pathetic. GET A F** life losers and realize that I only posted it to get you riled up and was curious what people thought of this topic
Posted by renee.himes.osu@gmail.com[/QUOTE]
This is hysterical since you seem all bent out of shape.

Obviously you don't realize humor...I'd never just show up at some stranger's wedding. <strong>However, some random lurker could be reading this and show up at your house to rob it, knowing full when you'll be out of town</strong>. We joke about it, but it's really to show how easy it is to get your info and to HELP you.

sucrets4 · March 2010

bg - I swear I didn't even know you were online, nevertheless replying at the same time! Get out of my head!

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:cd75b566-169a-497b-a81e-b2a9dd6f94dc">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]bg - I swear I didn't even know you were online, nevertheless replying at the same time! Get out of my head!
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

Ha! I was wondering why we were saying the same things. :)

I mean, get out of MY head, you crazy stalker!!1!!1!

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

Oh, and OP, since I'm on a roll of pissing you off anyway, I should let you know that using your email address as your sn is not the smartest idea either. Hope you like spam.

sucrets4 · March 2010

I like Spam. In my mac and cheese. Yummm.

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

I LOVE Spam: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFrtpT1mKy8

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:cdaedcc7-a58b-4777-8dba-b5c8f606749f">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons : Everytime I see this, and point out the risk, and then have someone respond flippantly or rudely, I am SO tempted to sign them up for gay porn newsletters. I haven't mind you, but I'm pretty sure it would get the point across.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

You never know Stage. There are gay porn fans out there, and maybe they'd appreciate the favor.

renee.himes.osu · March 2010

Ok lesson learned.

I am new to the internet world- never posted on pages like this before

Obviously i wouldn't have chosen my spam email address as my username if I had realized there were blogs/pages/messages whatever you call them on the knot. (FB doesn't really count- bc even my mother is on that to see pics of my nephew)

To you - I was stupid- to me.. I am just some nobody - why on earth would a stranger look up a wedding website? (and didn't realize I had it linked under my name)

I am going through and deleted things!! See you guys made my life better (I am a glass half full kinda of girl- can't you tell)

PS. I think some girls on here look for an opportunity to be nasty- it reminds me of high school.. which is ironic- because these are the girls that are usually the first to tell others they are too immature to marry. Just pointing out something I find funny...

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:8452cbcd-d6c7-4b4c-88e4-8d41667f748e">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok lesson learned. I am new to the internet world- never posted on pages like this before Obviously i wouldn't have chosen my spam email address as my username if I had realized there were blogs/pages/messages whatever you call them on the knot. (FB doesn't really count- bc even my mother is on that to see pics of my nephew) To you - I was stupid- to me.. I am just some nobody - why on earth would a stranger look up a wedding website? (and didn't realize I had it linked under my name) I am going through and deleted things!! See you guys made my life better (I am a glass half full kinda of girl- can't you tell) PS. I think some girls on here look for an opportunity to be nasty- it reminds me of high school.. which is ironic- because these are the girls that are usually the first to tell others they are too immature to marry. Just pointing out something I find funny...
Posted by <a href="mailto:renee.himes.osu@gmail.com" title="Linkification: mailto:renee.himes.osu@gmail.com" class="linkification-ext">renee.himes.osu@gmail.com</a>[/QUOTE]

I never called you stupid. And since you seem legitimately confused by all this internet safety stuff, I'm actually going to help you.

1) Since your post count is pretty low, I would set up a new account with a different sn if I were you. Not only can people send you spam and use your email address for unfavorable things, but I know by looking at it what your full name is and can guess where you go to school (OSU).

2) No one was looking at <em><strong>your</strong></em> wedding website. A poster on page 2 had the link to her website with full names and other private information on it. When someone puts something in their signature on here, they want people to look it every time they post. Like many posters in this thread have their married/planning bios for you to look at. Yours wasn't in your sig, so don't worry about it.

3) It makes no difference if you're "a nobody" or not. All kinds of people troll this site, and if someone has your full name and location, it's not impossible to find out more info about you to use for personal gain. They don't care who you are. It's called identity theft, impersonation, or who knows what else.

4) Don't waste your time deleting things. You've already been quoted by others (which you can't erase) and your sn is still going to be there. Just be safe about the things you can control.

*I realize that this is a novel, but I'm trying to be helpful here.

renee.himes.osu · March 2010

thanks beatlegirl

I started the post and so that is why I thought the stalker thing was me- and my gut response to that was simply creeped out- so i was a bit harsh in my response

Thanks for the advice about closing this account - I tried to simply change my user name but it was too late (and my username is always my spam email for all the things I am signed up for.. like shutterfly- easier to remember- never dawned on me there would be boards on here that I would actually use

I am not too concerned about deleting my comments- seems cowardly to me- I own up to my actions and my words. Even if I said/did something at the bars drunk- its still my responsibility- not an excuse. On the knot- I stand by everything I said - my opinions may have changed along the way- but at the time I wrote something- I believed in it- and I am not the type of person to turn around and delete it.

I also thought deleting my account and starting fresh looked would have looked cowardly if anyone noticed- not that anyone would- but it just seemed like I would be trying to hide.

kiky23 · March 2010

Personally as long as they don't find out it wont hurt them and if they do they should understand that you needed the insurance anyways. But you should also ask yourself do you really need insurance for a few months???

rjtutter · March 2010

As a guest, I would be hurt. I would want to see your official wedding ceremony and would feel slightly cheated to have missed it.

It's worse if you don't tell the guests what you're doing.

My MOH's brother was supposed to have a DW this year, but we found out that the couple were actually married in a private civil ceremony the year before. Now, everything is a mess. People don't want to fly to the Bahama's for a fake ceremony, and throwing a huge reception a year after the fact is tacky. Plus, his parents and family are really upset that they weren't told, and didn't get to see the ceremony.

Yes, people are coming to your wedding to celebrate your union, and be a part of one of the biggest days in your life: the day you commit to your spouse. If you've already done that, then it's kind of pointless imo. Have a reception shortly after to celebrate, but don't do a fake ceremony.

campbellblesh11*11 · March 2010

I needed to post on here because as I was reading I just found myself getting more and more frustrated with some of the other women's responses. How petty can grown women get?!?Anyway, I really do not feel like you would be lying to your guests AT ALL. A wedding is supposed to be a CELEBRATION of the couple's marriage. Whether or the guests are at the other wedding shouldn't matter.Any wedding I go to, it's to celebrate love of friends. Personally, I toyed with the idea as well, this way we could have a small quick ceremony, and then maybe later when we have more time to save, we can have a bigger reception for our family and friends, so they can join us in CELEBRATING our love. This is not a case of lying or not lying. If your family and friends really love you like they should, they would be happy to go, regardless of when you actually get married.I feel like I'm younger than most of these women, and yet they are bickering like they are in middle school. All in all, it is your wedding, and no one can judge you for how you choose to do it.

MeaghanandMichael · March 2010

I kinda want to vomit all over this thread.

Blaaaaaaaaaah.

nda_roxybabe · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:0ef95d77-2f2c-4c8f-998c-f7b00d6e9123">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]I needed to post on here because as I was reading I just found myself getting more and more frustrated with some of the other women's responses. How petty can grown women get?!? <strong>Anyway, I really do not feel like you would be lying to your guests AT ALL</strong>. A wedding is supposed to be a CELEBRATION of the couple's marriage. Whether or the guests are at the other wedding shouldn't matter.Any wedding I go to, it's to celebrate love of friends. Personally, I toyed with the idea as well, this way we could have a small quick ceremony, and then maybe later when we have more time to save, we can have a bigger reception for our family and friends, so they can join us in CELEBRATING our love. This is not a case of lying or not lying. If your family and friends really love you like they should, they would be happy to go, regardless of when you actually get married. I feel like I'm younger than most of these women, and yet they are bickering like they are in middle school. <strong>All in all, it is your wedding, and no one can judge you for how you choose to do it</strong>.
Posted by campbellblesh11*11[/QUOTE]
How is it not lying? Do you know what lying means?
Um, actually everyone can (and will) judge you.

Gah, some of you are so ignorant.

shoegal715 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:4d872202-c112-4516-8fc3-94d3706ba752">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]This is very rude to your guests. They think they're seeing you get married, but you are LYING to them. Lying is not ok, you should have learned that in kindergarten.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]<div>
<div>+1 </div><div>I would be especially hurt if the bride were a family member or close friend.</div><div>Don't be so tacky. I can't believe you even thought for a second this might be a good idea.</div></div>

Shutterbug678 · March 2010

haha, this post makes me laugh. Honestly, my fiance and I claimed domestic partnership over a year ago so I could be under his insurance. We weren't even engaged at the time!!! We just have a piece of paper saying we're domestic partnered and its helped us save some money. NOTHING wrong with that....and I really don't think it effects our wedding at all! It's still going to be an amazing day devoted to the celebration of our love and life together. Don't fuss over the details, enjoy the day for what it is!

nda_roxybabe · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:eaa7d025-7468-4c03-a7db-c5814d714453">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]haha, this post makes me laugh. Honestly, my fiance and I claimed domestic partnership over a year ago so I could be under his insurance. We weren't even engaged at the time!!! We just have a piece of paper saying we're domestic partnered and its helped us save some money. NOTHING wrong with that....and I really don't think it effects our wedding at all! It's still going to be an amazing day devoted to the celebration of our love and life together. Don't fuss over the details, enjoy the day for what it is!
Posted by Shutterbug678[/QUOTE]

Is that the same as signing a marriage license?

baystateapple · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:0ef95d77-2f2c-4c8f-998c-f7b00d6e9123">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]I needed to post on here because as I was reading I just found myself getting more and more frustrated with some of the other women's responses. How petty can grown women get?!? <strong>Anyway, I really do not feel like you would be lying to your guests AT ALL. A wedding is supposed to be a CELEBRATION of the couple's marriage.</strong> Whether or the guests are at the other wedding shouldn't matter.Any wedding I go to, it's to celebrate love of friends. Personally, I toyed with the idea as well, this way we could have a small quick ceremony, and then maybe later when we have more time to save, we can have a bigger reception for our family and friends, so they can join us in CELEBRATING our love. This is not a case of lying or not lying. I<strong>f your family and friends really love you like they should, they would be happy to go, regardless of when you actually get married.</strong> I feel like I'm younger than most of these women, and yet they are bickering like they are in middle school. All in all, it is your wedding, and no one can judge you for how you choose to do it.
Posted by campbellblesh11*11[/QUOTE]

Re: my own experience. It WAS a lie. The bride lied by omission to her parents so that they would pay for her big expensive wedding. And that bothered the HELL out of me. I stood up there at the altar by her side as her MOH, in the knowledge that not only had she and her H married in secret, she had hidden it from her parents just to get money out of them.

The night before the wedding, I almost walked out. In hindsight, I wish I had. I did care about her, but in my opinion, real friends don't just smile and nod when you do something incredibly thoughtless and hurtful to the people who love them. They smack you upside the head, give you the Come to Jesus meeting you so richly deserve, and then stand by you when you apologize and put the pieces back together. At the time, though, I thought it would destroy our friendship. It didn't. What destroyed our friendship was my not coming to her baby shower a few months later. She was pissed and still refuses to speak to me.

banana468 · March 2010

Do the people who think this isn't lying understand what lying is??

baystateapple · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-secret-practical-reasons?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5cae9a8d-a9ce-4abd-8ec6-2dabdcd7f480Post:c7b55a08-f2a1-4de9-a2e4-44d7c6431b8c">Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons</a>:
[QUOTE]Do the people who think this isn't lying understand what lying is??
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I'm starting to doubt it.

Chucksnblujeans · March 2010

To all the women who see this as a lie, GET OVER YOURSELVES. Maybe you need to step back and re-evaluate your own wedding. Do you see your wedding as a means for you to get presents, or a way to show the world that you are married to the Love of Your Life? It shouldn't matter whether or not you have a signed piece of paper saying you are married 3 days prior, or 3 months prior. If it really matters so much, tell your guests that you are renewing your vows. If you've ever seen the Office, or How I Met Your Mother, sometimes having a small and simply ceremony with just the two of you can be really romantic, and not hurt anybody. We all have our own reasons for doing what we do, and who says any of you are the authority on lying.

I am personally getting married because I want to be with the one I love for the rest of my life. NOT for presents, or the ceremony. And I want everyone who I love and who cares about me to be there. and I know for a fact that it won't make a difference if I celebrate it right then, or a few months after.

So to all of you who feel this is ignorant, or snarky, or just plain uneducated, you are in major need of re-evaluation, because clearly it sounds like you see your wedding as a time to recieve recieve recieve, and not just have your friends and family join you in celebrating your love.

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