Vent/Evening Thread

Annas2013 · May 2012

So my mom yelled at me for the dress issue again. She said it was stupid for me to sell it, and that I shouldn't have bought it. That's not what irked me. What irked me is that she said I didn't spend as much as I did on it. I have the receipt, so I have no idea where she was when I put part of the purchase on a credit card(stupid I know) and paid part with my debit card. But then we get home from dinner tonight and she gets mad and says how I can plan the wedding without her and that she doesn't want any part of it. Apparently I'm mean and don't like anything and don't want a wedding that people will remember. (I like simple and modern. Not cluttered and old fashioned).

So now I'm planning a wedding on my own. According to her, I'm the reason she and I aren't getting along, since I don't like any of her ideas. I have liked ideas. Just not all of them. Then she went into how I never do anything around the house and how I'm not going to ruin my little sister's graduation weekend. I never planned on ruining anything. I'm so excited for her to graduate Friday.

So what are y'all up to? I'm currently sitting in my room avoiding my mom and trying to find a second part time job so I can get out of the house more.

melb2013 · May 2012

Wow, your mom sounds a little childish. Can I ask who is paying for the wedding?

SSaltzman87 · May 2012

I guess I'd let things cool down a bit, then have a talk with her. I'd calmly explain that yes I (meaning you) made a hasty decision about my dress and can't turn back the clock to fix it and calmly explain what you and FI want for your wedding and to respect your wishes. Weddings don't have to be big and lavish to be memorable :-)

Annas2013 · May 2012

My dad is technically paying for the wedding. It's a really weird sticky money situation. My dad is the main "moneymaker" I guess is the right word. He's the one actually providing the money for everything. And ironically is the one who's been okay with every decision I've made and is fine with me selling the dress. I wanted to do this on a tight budget and he's okay with that. The dress was paid for by me. They gave me $350 to make up for some of what I spent since I had to drain my savings to pay for it and ended up losing my job two weeks after I bought the dress.

Trust me I've tried talking to her calmly. It all ends the same, with her getting mad because I don't like what she likes. My dad has actually told her it's my Fi and my wedding and to kind of back down, but it doesn't ever work for long. I'm almost to the point of where I would rather elope with just my FI and I and skip the whole reception part if it meant not having more arguments.

I wanted a smaller wedding to begin with. Something simple and fun and with good cake. It turned from a 100 person small wedding to a wedding with 164 people on the list so far (and a good number are my sisters' friends' parents and families). This isn't exactly great since my mom knows the venue only holds 152 comfortably.

FLGatorGal88 · May 2012

I agree with Steph you don't have to spend thousands upon thousands of dollars to have a memorable wedding... I don't really get why your mom would be mad about you selling a dress that you paid for. If it wasn't the one you really wanted then it wasn't the one. I would just hold off wedding talk with your mom... And don't forget your not planning your wedding alone you have your FI and the entire May 2013 board to help with ideas and what not. Hope everything works out between you and your mom.

Smashleyk · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2013-weddings_ventevening-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:ea657a87-d1dc-4588-999f-31c9deeef720Discussion:ca137cde-9ec0-4849-8e45-56b543fd7a75Post:4b1bf99b-08ef-471a-aa82-f11d21aee16b">Re: Vent/Evening Thread</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I'd let things cool down a bit, then have a talk with her. I'd calmly explain that yes I (meaning you) made a hasty decision about my dress and can't turn back the clock to fix it and calmly explain what you and FI want for your wedding and to respect your wishes. Weddings don't have to be big and lavish to be memorable :-)
Posted by SSaltzman87[/QUOTE]

This!

Annas2013 · May 2012

Thanks y'all. I know it'll all work out eventually, this is just something i didn't think would happen. My mom and I have had a dysfunctional and strained relationship for the last few years, and maybe this was just the breaking point. It's frustrating because part of me really wants her involved, but not like this. Her constant questioning my decisions and making her own for me made me just want to elope. But part of me knows I'd regret that since I wanna have a day I can look back on and not have any regrets about, and I know I'd regret not celebrating with the rest of my family.

My FI's been supportive the whole time, even though he got super frustrated when we were trying to pick a venue and everywhere he and I liked, my mother had a problem with. At least the deposit is on the venue so there's no changing that (and also no real chance of eloping).

Sundaylou · May 2012

I'm sorry you're having a tough time with your mom. I've gotten into a few disagreements with mine, but they are more about her feeling threatened by my FMIL. Like many others said, this is a day for you and your FI and maybe you should take a step back from planning with your mom (as painful as that may be) and plan with your FI instead. I really do hope things get easier for you and we are all here to lean on when things get too tough.

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