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Not Engaged and Not Planning

ButkusPaigeButkusPaige member
First Comment
in Not Engaged Yet
Ok...so here's the story. I was engaged and was planning a June wedding. Well in March I called it off...maybe it was February...who knows. Anyway, I have a beautiful dress, and have met a new guy that I started dating literally a few weeks after I called it off. Long story, but I had stopped planning the wedding and had started looking for apts bac in October. I was over the relationship a long time before I left. So, anyway, the new guy and I are so perfect together. And it's not the honeymoon phase. That would normally be over by now, and I've had it before. This is different. He is incredible.

We have spoken about marriage a few times, not in the near future, but eventually. My question is...do I wear the dress I bought for the other wedding. I say no, but everyone else says yes....even him...what do you think?
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Re: Not Engaged and Not Planning

  • Danielle284Danielle284
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was married before we eloped.  We were planning a wedding for all our familys to renew our vows for everyone.  I had bought a wedding dress.  I feel as if that was meant for that wedding and that person.  Mine still has the tag so i am gonna sell it on craigslist and pick out a new dress.  This is just my opinion though.  Plus i feel as if i wore it it would just remind me of that time in my life.
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'd say wait until he proposes then see how you feel about the dress.  If you still love it and still want to use it, once you're engaged, then go for it.  If not then get a new one.

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  • MelG06MelG06 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I like danielles idea... I'd sell it and buy a new one. Plus, how would your fi feel if he knew you were wearing a dress meant for another man to see you in?

    .. but, if yall are both okay with it, then why not?
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  • MelG06MelG06 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I like danielles idea... I'd sell it and buy a new one. Plus, how would your fi feel if he knew you were wearing a dress meant for another man to see you in?

    .. but, if yall are both okay with it, then why not?
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  • Hazel_BHazel_B member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Since a proposal is in the future with no timeline I'd say sell it. Your tastes and trends will change and 2 or 3 years down the road you could really not like it and not be able to get anything for it.
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  • fontassidyfontassidy member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Uh, yuck. That whole story kind of makes me sick to my stomach. It's only been 6 months since you called off your wedding to your ex. Why are you even contemplating putting a wedding dress back on at this point?

    I vote C. - keep that dress in the closet, don't buy another one, and calm the eff down.
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  • dwest2201dwest2201
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You called of a wedding 5-6 months ago and started dating another guy immediately.  You are now talking marriage with the new guy and believe that the honeymoon phase is over?!  WHAT?!  Yell 

    Obviously you are excited about this new relationship but you need to be sure that you are fully over whatever happened between you and your exFI before you jump into the idea of getting married again.  Also, the "honeymoon" phase is typically 6-9 months and can last up to 2 years depending on the couple and how things progress... I wouldn't assume that you are out of the woods on that just yet!

    I was married before and my recommendation would be get rid of the dress.  All of the things that I had left from the past (used and unused) were tossed, donated or sold.  I knew that the things we purchased for another wedding to another man and couldn't even think of using them for a wedding to my FI (BF at the time).

    Even if you love the dress and think that you can see it independent from your exFI it is likely that by the time that you are engaged and ready to marry the current guy (assuming that all goes well) your tastes may have changed or your body could change too.
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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    IMO if you are not engaged and not planning you shouldn't be worrying about wearing your already purchased wedding dress.

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  • desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Sell the dress now. It will only lose value over time, and since there is no way to know at this point whether or not you will be marrying your new BF, the smartest financial move is to sell it right away.
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  • KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you don't want to use it, don't.
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  • alisham07alisham07 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would sell it and when the time is right and you set a date then buy a new one :) take your time
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  • StarGazingHikerStarGazingHiker member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sell it and save the money for a new one once ya'll are engaged. Right now though.. enjoy your boyfriend!
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  • catemegcatemeg
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sell it, and DON'T use the money on a new dress - use the money for a getaway for you and your BF!  Enjoy your time together, and don't rush down the aisle.  It's great that you think this is something special, but I promise you waiting awhile will only help you further develop your relationship and make sure the foundation is set for a long term commitment.
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would sell it for many reasons:

    1) your tastes will most likely change;

    2) it would drive me BSC if I had a dress just sitting there in my closet. You don't need that right now. Focus on your relationship and your BF, not getting engaged and married. Worry about that in a few more months/years.
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  • Penny66Penny66
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Desert, Sell it because the dress will only lose value the longer it sits in your closet.

    Just some advise. I know you said that marriage isn't anywhere in the near future but if I were in you shoes I would seriously slow down. I don't want you to have to go through the heartache canceling another wedding.
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  • ButkusPaigeButkusPaige member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    FOr those of you freaking out bc I started dating a new guy almost immediately, apparently you missed the part where I was looking for apts in October. And I was going to leave this part out just to not bash my exFi, but I started looking for apts after he stood me up for a wedding, and was on a date with another girl. So yeah, at leasst I waited til we were over before I started dating!
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  • catemegcatemeg
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think it was so much that you shouldn't be dating, or even that October instead of March would make *that much* of a difference.  The idea is that you just broke off an engagement that clearly wasn't going to make a happy marriage, so you should enjoy yourself and take your time in your relationship and keep marriage out of the equation for the time being.

    But seriously, if he was that much of a jerk in October that you were trying to move out, why did you wait until March to call it off?
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-not-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:736010d2-469f-48f6-90f2-97b8ebedec95Post:7c4bd724-7536-4ee3-9013-a7402d2fa244">Re: Not Engaged and Not Planning</a>:
    [QUOTE]FOr those of you freaking out bc I started dating a new guy almost immediately, apparently you missed the part where I was looking for apts in October. And I was going to leave this part out just to not bash my exFi, but I started looking for apts after he stood me up for a wedding, and was on a date with another girl. So yeah, at leasst I waited til we were over before I started dating!
    Posted by ButkusPaige[/QUOTE]

    I think the greater worry is what Cate said, and that you're moving ahead so quickly with a new guy that you haven't dated for very long.
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  • leia1979leia1979 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-not-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:736010d2-469f-48f6-90f2-97b8ebedec95Post:095a5d09-59cc-4652-9482-e4b48cc0befb">Re: Not Engaged and Not Planning</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sell the dress now. It will only lose value over time, and since there is no way to know at this point whether or not you will be marrying your new BF, the smartest financial move is to sell it right away.
    Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

    I agree 100% with Desert. Sell it now, while it's new. You'll probably want something different by the time you get engaged again.

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  • desertsundesertsun member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_not-engaged-not-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:736010d2-469f-48f6-90f2-97b8ebedec95Post:e347228d-d4e7-425d-ac83-12a266bd7b6d">Not Engaged and Not Planning</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok...so here's the story. I was engaged and was planning a June wedding. Well in March I called it off...maybe it was February...who knows. Anyway, I have a beautiful dress, and have met a new guy that I started dating literally a few weeks after I called it off. Long story, but I had stopped planning the wedding and had started looking for apts bac in October. I was over the relationship a long time before I left. So, anyway, the new guy and I are so perfect together. And it's not the honeymoon phase. That would normally be over by now, and I've had it before. This is different. He is incredible. We have spoken about marriage a few times, not in the near future, but eventually. My question is...do I wear the dress I bought for the other wedding. I say no, but everyone else says yes....even him...what do you think?
    Posted by ButkusPaige[/QUOTE]

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  • hetshuphetshup member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh man, this is a new brand of nuts. 

    OP- Sell the dress. Get the money and save it. 

    Also, the honeymoon phase of relationships physiologically doesn't end until 9 months minimum. This is where you have elevated testosterone to increase your sex drive so it matches his. So based on science, I would say that you aren't done with that phase. Also, you may know him pretty well, but I would hazard a guess, you don't know everything about him. 


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  • wihltsabowwihltsabow member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ha, same boat here, though I bought the dress three years ago. The only reason that keeping the dress crossed my mind is because I wanted to make it into a Halloween costume, but my sisters voted no lol. Put the old dress on Craigslist for 2/3 of what you paid for it. Make sure someone is wearing the dress for the pictures you take to post; the pictures people take of the dress on a hanger NEVER do the dress justice. I think this one is a no-brainer :)
    ~Weeds are just flowers without an invitation.~
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  • wihltsabowwihltsabow member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    And fyi, I've always believed the honeymoon phase is over when he hears you fart when you pee and you don't get embarassed in the slightest haha. THEN and only then are you COMPLETELY comfortable with the other person!
    ~Weeds are just flowers without an invitation.~
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  • acupofsummerteaacupofsummertea member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, you shouldnt wear the dress you brought for your ex, because trust me, you wouldnt feel right for it. Same goes for rings, I thought I'll be okay with wearing ring meant for another girl but I was wrong.Now Im getting my own ring! You should just enjoy right now, the dating period, and then when you are engaged, buy a new dress! Because you'll change ur mind again by the time to tie the real knot! Sell it, and buy a dress for your real wedding! Best of luck.
    ~* She wished she had a little yellow house of her own, with a flower box full of real flowers and herbs, pansies and rosemary, and a sweet lover who would swing dance with her in the evenings and cook pasta and read poetry aloud.*~
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  • ButkusPaigeButkusPaige member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks guys. I was hoping we could focus on the main question at hand...should I wear the dress or not, but I knew I would get criticized for the whole relationship thing. Thanks for the help!

    My question now is....he's one of the people telling me to wear it....Now what?
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  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The advice is going to generally stay the same: once you are engaged, then you two can talk and start seriously planning. If you both really want you to wear it, then fine, wear it.

    Until then, you don't need to plan. You put the information out there, and you will receive advice based on the information provided.
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  • catemegcatemeg
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Even though he's the one telling you to wear it, that really doesn't matter much.  It might mean he likes the style, or knows you like it.  But the heart of this issue is whether you should be keeping a dress that was intended for another marriage - no.  Sell it.  That was the resounding opinion on here, beyond the fact that you shouldn't be talking about marriage yet.

    I firmly believe you should sell it and use the money on a trip or weekend getaway for you and your BF.  Enjoy your time together, don't rush into marriage.  If he's the right guy for you, then there's no reason to rush.  He'll still be there in a year, two years.  If you're in such a rush to get married after a broken engagement with Mr. Wrong, then it makes me think you're in a rush for a wedding, not a marriage.
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  • Goldlie11Goldlie11
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's a personal decision.  I wouldn't want to wear it.  Styles change a lot.
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  • ButkusPaigeButkusPaige member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you cate for such an adult response. I think I'll sel the dress, especially since who knows what kind of wedding I'll have if I get married and the dress I have definitely would work for 1 kind of wedding only
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