I Judge My Friend.

L-Bride · June 2010

Okay, I talked to my dog. He says he'll do it for $50 but he wants it confirmed that she's de-wormed.

crfische · June 2010

I guess I just think if you abandon her and not say anything, the odds that she'll act on it will go up. Because then not only did she spill her guts, now her friend hates her and is judging her, and she'll feel alone, and get depressed, which is a trigger for sexual acting out, and then she's an animal abuser.

Seriously. Get her some help.

polichik · June 2010

If she said that she masturbated to videos of dogs having sex or something, that wouldn't bother me, but I draw the line at hurting an animal. I think you need to call her, tell her that you care about her and don't think she's a horrible person, but that you're worried about her and want her to get help. We all have sexual fantasies, many of which might shock others, but when it involve someone/thing else that can't consent, that really needs to be addressed.

squirrly · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:ede69eba-0f5b-49eb-ae79-f093e3593c29">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks so much for your input, squirrly. I stand by what I said. I don't find much levity in it, not the puppy fukker remark. Nor, I'm guessing, do people who work with those who have mental illnesses every day. But you have a right to your opinion, and I have a right to mine.
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

Uh, L-Bride didn't make that remark. That was jayjoe. And I didn't comment on hers, but I don't think much of it myself. So, you're welcome to your opinion, of course, but please be accurate in what opinion you're attributing to me. For reference:

[QUOTE]Okay, I talked to my dog. He says he'll do it for $50 but he wants it confirmed that she's de-wormed.
Posted by L-Bride[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]i think you should call her. Break the ice with a joke that says "i remember what you told me, but im cool enough with it to make jokes!". I suggest "hey puppy fukker, its been a hot minute!" I'm sure she will giggle and then you will giggle and the next thing you know, it'll be like nothing ever happened. I still suggest hiding your pets from her.
Posted by jayjoe[/QUOTE]

JessAndTrav · June 2010

I haven't read all of this, but oh. my. That was a new type of post to come home to after running errands.

OP, I'm sure you've gotten some good advice. I wouldn't end the friendship, but I'd try to help her as much as possible.

missy68 · June 2010

I wasn't attributing puppy fukker to you - I knew it was jayjoe. I was simply commenting on it in addition to L-Brides original comment and her subsequent comments.
I didn't mess them up, don't worry, Squirrly.

LeighPA · June 2010

[QUOTE]When I read the OP I immediately thought it was going to be bestiality.
Posted by LauraT25[/QUOTE]
As did I. In fact, I was going to make a "Sleeping Dogs Lie" joke.

L-Bride · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:6b63a702-30a3-40f0-94e6-3e81f44b5cdf">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]I wasn't attributing puppy fukker to you - I knew it was jayjoe. I was simply commenting on it in addition to L-Brides original comment and her subsequent comments. I didn't mess them up, don't worry, Squirrly.
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

What was offensive my subsequent comments? I said something about the line being crossed on page one (jokingly)...but that's pretty much it.

jessjo04 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:972378e5-f6cd-48f9-8f59-0dfd74de0c0f">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I Judge My Friend. : It doesn't even rank in the top 100 for "most inappropriate comments on E" for me. I thought it was funny too. Levity during a serious thing isn't always bad, you know.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

I agree, not even close to inappropriate in E standards. That would be an interesting post though... most offensive things said on E. Sounds like asking for an argument though...

squirrly · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:ac20c2f3-434c-4a69-b8f8-678402660b42">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I Judge My Friend. : I agree, not even close to inappropriate in E standards. That would be an interesting post though... most offensive things said on E. Sounds like asking for an argument though...
Posted by jessjo04[/QUOTE]

If only all the old posts were still out there from pre-switch. Holy scary thread if we could go find them all.

jayjoe · June 2010

I never thought i'd read a thread with puppy fukker quoted so many times! That comment was completely over the top in a completely over the top thread. I have to say, i was on board til the whole "she texted me and said maybe i need a big dog hehe". It gave me the feeling that she was blowing smoke up your fartbox. I believe another poster already mentioned that they thought maybe she told you that as a joke to see how you would handle it. I'm feeling that way too. I've been in too many situations with jackass friends that "confess" insane stuff, play it off for a while and then come clean. I once had a good friend convinced that i ran a service where men could call and get a maid for a day that cleans in the nude and for extra $$ has sex with them. I dont know.

eastunder1 · June 2010

I laughed at both jokes. Theyre JOKES. FFS, people need to lighten up.

jayjoe · June 2010

East..this is why i have always liked you. For real.

kikibaby · June 2010

For the record, I didn't find jayjoe's joke offensive, just not funny. Which makes it not a joke, really.

526SadieSadie · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:763bd9fd-a33f-4060-83bd-c23a92c6b4fa">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I Judge My Friend. : Your initial response of "get over it and keep her away from your dog" did sound accepting to me. I'm glad you cleared it up.
Posted by mandapanda78[/QUOTE]

I was trying to make a joke and apparently failed :(

eastunder1 · June 2010

THERE IS NO JOKING IN THIS THREAD, SADIE. NONE.

andy71781 · June 2010

Wow - first post checked at new work - yikes! FWIW - Femlin I think Fishy gave you wonderful advice (as per usual) and that L-Bride's joike was funny.

[Deleted User] · June 2010

that's not the sickest shiit ever. she's not getting it on with dead dogs, after all.

jessjo04 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:9f596c97-aba5-4c9f-97dd-6136eac4fe4b">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]THERE IS NO JOKING IN THIS THREAD, SADIE. NONE.
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

Um, was that sarcasm? Because sarcasm is a joke. And that is inappropriate here.

louisvillebride21 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:8b76a2b6-41e6-44df-a240-708d65ce91f1">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]If it were me I would just try to forget about it depending on what it was. I woudln't try to talk to her about it. I feel like that would just make the situation more uncomfortable especially for her and she may not tell you anything juicy again. How bad could what she told you be?<strong> The only thing that would be friendship deal breakers for me would be: 1) if she tortured animals 2) was a murderer, or 3)some sort of pedophile.</strong>
Posted by L-Bride[/QUOTE]

I have to ask, were these things in order of severity of bothering you?

L-Bride · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:170bbacc-7eb8-41f5-b9e3-59fe8b11eb6c">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I Judge My Friend. : I have to ask, were these things in order of severity of bothering you?
Posted by louisvillebride21[/QUOTE]

Nope, no special order. I put the animal one first because I had a hunch (like other people did) that it had something sick to do with animals.

I'm just glad I now know that pimping out my pets will not be tolerated on TK.
Good night!

loop0406 · June 2010

If it doesn't directly affect you, let it go. She listened to you and didn't act petty afterward. You aren't being a good friend, it seems like she was so forget what she said and continue talking to her.

notquiteblushing · June 2010

Femlin, that is a tough situation and I don't really know what to say...but I thought Savage Dan might. Here's one column on bestiality that's not exactly relevant but I'lll keep searching for one that is:

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=15646

arthomas82 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:baf38927-0b44-45c2-865f-e6242bbb02c9">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, then. If I were her friend, I would tell her that I was very concerned about her deviant sexual fantasies and help her find a good therapist before she does something to a poor animal. Not sit back and hope for the best.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Exactly. As her friend, you should let her know that you are not judging her, but that she needs some serious help. Offer to look for a therapist for her - if she refuses, call animal control.

Rosie109 · June 2010

Maybe she wants to list you as a reference when she applies to adopt a dog.

katiewhompus · June 2010

I think if I had a friend who confessed that my immediate reaction would have been "You're serious? Wow..that's just...some special shiit right there."
I think you should just call her and let her know that while you are trying really hard not to judge, her confession freaked you out.
Honestly though, I think (hope?) she was just trying to screw with your head.
I'm also not sure what animal control would do if you called them. "Hi, animal control? My friend said she wanted to do her male dog and I think she's serious" "Um..ok m'am..."

*Note, I am not in any way condoning this act or any animal abuse. I just think with the amount of people calling in because an animal is being beaten, starved, left outside 24/7, etc. it is likely they won't take you seriously if there is no sign of abuse.

L-Bride · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:41284dd3-031c-4827-b0e9-f8bce0f1a898">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]I think if I had a friend who confessed that my immediate reaction would have been "You're serious? Wow..that's just...some special shiit right there." I think you should just call her and let her know that while you are trying really hard not to judge, her confession freaked you out. Honestly though, I think (hope?) she was just trying to screw with your head. I'm also not sure what animal control would do if you called them. <strong>"Hi, animal control? My friend said she wanted to do her male dog and I think she's serious" </strong>"Um..ok m'am..." *Note, I am not in any way condoning this act or any animal abuse. I just think with the amount of people calling in because an animal is being beaten, starved, left outside 24/7, etc. it is likely they won't take you seriously if there is no sign of abuse.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

<div>DED</div>

DiickusMcBunghole · June 2010

If she's really someone you're good friends with, have some balls and say something instead of avoiding her- "Hey, I didn't think there was anything I'd judge you for, but what you said about your dog hit me as f'ed up and possibly illegal. I'm trying to digest it and not judge, but right now, I just need some time because it's really bothering me. I feel like it's animal abuse."

dmiller9274 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_judge-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:956b1049-f6ee-48b5-9fc1-05403bb72ba8Post:12b7b359-c40d-4a28-83dd-6b29e9948706">Re: I Judge My Friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe she wants to list you as a reference when she applies to adopt a dog.
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

ha ha another funny one!

Lizzardo333 · June 2010

Okay, I had already started 'writing' my response in my head before I read the deep dark reveal, so I'll put my response in two parts: one before I knew and one after.

Before: As long as she's not harming anyone, take this into consideration - if you had never known this about her, would you still be her friend? Does it change her personality? Is she suddenly a b*tch or a bad friend? She obviously considers you an AMAZING friend for having told you such an incredible secret. I say the same thing to people who have a problem with other races or homosexuals. Does the color of their skin or their sexual preference make them any less smart, hard working, friendly, etc?

After: Okay, um...while it's not MY sexual preference, I still can't judge someone for it. What if she were to tell you she likes to pleasure herself with [fill in the blank with something off-the-wall]? What if she told you she prefers anal and that's not at all your thing? I think deep down every single person has some fantasy that many others do not share. To each his/her own. Like I said in the 'before' section, someone's sexual preference shouldn't make a difference on a friendship. It's not like she's gonna ask you if she can spend the night and bring her dog. I do feel, as some said, you should point out to her that bestiality most of the time is considered animal abuse.

Are you two close enough friends where you could joke about it later? Like maybe say something like "Too bad you'll never be able to act on it," or "You know you can't marry a dog." If you're not the joking/sarcastic type, can you tell her seriously about the animal abuse? I know there are ways for you to address your concerns without making her feel judged. If it really is something you're absolutely grossed out about and simply cannot continue the relationship over, then it's fair to tell her. You can explain that you're not judging HER, but you're not comfortable knowing she does stuff like that. Heck, right now it's a fantasy... maybe she'll never act on it! I hope this helps. Best wishes to you all!

I Judge My Friend.

Re: I Judge My Friend.

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