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Save the Dates/Invites/Out of Town Guests

SmileX1000SmileX1000
First Comment
in Ohio-Cincinnati
Hey All!!
I finally hit a question I couldnt find a answer on with someone elses question!
We live in Cincinnati.
My family lives in Toledo.
My friends are all over the US.
His family lives in Washington Court House, OH
His friends live in Cincinnati (majority).

We are having the wedding in Jeffersonville, OH (just out side of Washington Court House, yet 3.5 hours from Toledo)
We want to limit the guest list to 150.  With so many being out of town and I am sure the majority wont even drive the 3.5 hours, we have made a really good A/B list.  Is it bad to put on the Save the Dates that will be going to the out of towners, our website so they could RSVP before the invites go out so we can move some of the B-listers to the A list and not have to wait???  I do not want to be tacky, but I know maybe 15 guests will actually show up from Toledo.
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Re: Save the Dates/Invites/Out of Town Guests

  • muamanda18muamanda18
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I personally think it's tacky to ask people to pre-rsvp. You can take an informal poll during conversations but don't do anything before the actual invites go out. Send the invites a little early with an early response date if you want time to invite your B listers.
    Anniversary
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  • tasharockstasharocks
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    A and B lists are a stupendously horrible idea 99.9999% of the time. unintentional hurt feelings, logistical issues...i haven't seen any posts on here about A and B lists being a good thing. do you really want to tell a group of your loved ones that they were second best? they'll find out about the two lists. they always do. don't make wedding planning any more complicated than it already is.

    make cuts. people will understand. i have a ginourmous family (over 20 aunts and uncles alone). in order to invite them all i'd have to have my wedding at the convention center. they understand. so will your family/friends/etc.

    no early rsvp's either. plans change. not everyone can know their schedule 6 months in advance (for example).

    another tip: plan for 100% attendance. it happens more than you think.

    again, don't make wedding planning any more complicated than it already is.
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  • tb583tb583
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Just to add on a little to what the 2 pps said, everyone that receives a save the date should also receive an invitation (regardless of if they have already verbally told you they can't come).  Like pp said, plans change and people change their minds.
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  • cinnabun72cinnabun72
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    you could always send a wedding announcement to the people who live OOO and you dont expect them to come anyway. that way they wont think you are avoiding them about the issue--but make sure that there is no way they would come....i've heard stories of long-lost relatives who were invited as a courtesy making unexpected cross-country trips!
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  • GoBucksOHGoBucksOH member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_save-datesinvitesout-of-town-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:108Discussion:2b274b9c-5501-482a-b4af-aef9d9b4d525Post:da85d47f-dcb2-416b-bc97-82c7d8a1d823">Save the Dates/Invites/Out of Town Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey All!! I finally hit a question I couldnt find a answer on with someone elses question! We live in Cincinnati. My family lives in Toledo. My friends are all over the US. His family lives in Washington Court House, OH His friends live in Cincinnati (majority). We are having the wedding in Jeffersonville, OH (just out side of Washington Court House, yet 3.5 hours from Toledo) We want to limit the guest list to 150.  With so many being out of town and I am sure the majority wont even drive the 3.5 hours, we have made a really good A/B list.  Is it bad to put on the Save the Dates that will be going to the out of towners, our website so they could RSVP before the invites go out so we can move some of the B-listers to the A list and not have to wait???  I do not want to be tacky, but I know maybe 15 guests will actually show up from Toledo.
    Posted by SmileX1000[/QUOTE]

    Bad idea. Do not do an A/B list. You MUST send an invite to everyone that you sent a STD to. But you can send additional invites to people that you did not send a STD to.
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  • caseyandlizziecaseyandlizzie member
    2500 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Like PP said, if you send them a STD you must also send them an invitation, so plan on 100% of those people to attend.

    Also, with pre-rsvp, you really can't count on that either. Peoples circumstances may change between then and when the invites are sent out. People who thought they couldn't come and have told you so may end up working it out so they can be there, and people who swore they would be there might back out at the last minute. Just plan on everyone being there and you'll have no problems.

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  • JMWiesMomJMWiesMom member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think A/B lists are okay for your organization only.  We have one and it is helping us keep people straight.  By no means is that a list that anyone outside of my MOH and parents will see. 

    I agree with everyone else as far as the pre-rsvp goes.  If you don't want to go over with guests numbers than you have to not invite people.  They will understand, but don't only send them a STD to find out if they are coming. 

    I have a lot of out of towners so I'm sending my STD and invites out earlier than suggested so I people can make reservations and I can have a head count earlier.  I would suggest doing the same if you want to avoid spending money on people who cant make it anyway.
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  • SmileX1000SmileX1000
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ok so i completly missed the boat on this one....and after the day i had, im about to throw in the towel and give up!!!
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  • tasharockstasharocks
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_ohio-cincinnati_save-datesinvitesout-of-town-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:108Discussion:2b274b9c-5501-482a-b4af-aef9d9b4d525Post:684775bc-8181-494d-b626-f57ca5b3c245">Re: Save the Dates/Invites/Out of Town Guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]ok so i completly missed the boat on this one....and after the day i had, im about to throw in the towel and give up!!!
    Posted by SmileX1000[/QUOTE]
    it's not the end of the world. you already made decisions about who you wanted to invite based on the fact that you had an A and B list. so, make the A list your only list. you can get more complicated and re-work your list if you want, but it's possible to finalize a guest list that you and your fiance can be happy with.
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