Destination Wedding Help

Re: Destination Wedding Help

• Loopyseven member

  

  April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:43c4d531-39d6-47a8-a951-7d0084bc0296Post:41aac7ca-ee9e-46bc-b508-70709e15caf3">Destination Wedding Help</a>:
  [QUOTE]I am trying to plan a destination wedding for April 2013.  I'm on a tight budget, so it is going to need to be a smaller group, although I have a lot of friends/ family who I want to celebrate with us in some way. I have several questions-- I've been having a hard time finding etiquette on destination weddings.. Do I need to send it sooner than the standard 9 months prior, because it is a destination wedding, and might require more of a notice for my guests? If my goal is to have a smaller wedding, is it wrong to invite non attendees to showers/ bachellorette parties? If I am thinking of  having a local reception after the wedding for those who can't attend the wedding, is it ok to invite those attendees to showers/ bachellorette parties, etc? Should I invite everyone to the destination wedding, then invite those who decline to the follow up? How does that work? Does anyone know of a good source of etiquette info for destination weddings? Thanks!
  Posted by melissab100284[/QUOTE]<div>I wouldn't send anything official (Save the date) until 9-10 months out, but if you have a date and a location and a guest list I'd go ahead and get the word out to those invited so they have as much notice as possible.  Invitations go out at the standard 6-8 week time frame.</div><div>Anyone invited to a shower/bachelorette needs to be invited to the actual wedding - end of story.</div><div>If you're having an at home reception, it is really for those who were invited to the actual wedding but couldn't make it, not a consolation prize for those who weren't invited in the first place.</div><div>Have fun!!
  
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• kellyjellybelly

  

  April 2012

  We send our STDs out a year out.  We had the place booked, etc.  People liked it cause they were able to keep an eye out for airfare sales and hotel sales.

  Our invites went out at the standard time.  

  My mom really wanted to throw us a BBQ afterwards.  Her aunts and other relatives were not able to travel, so she wanted to do something.  We had it in her backyard, it was super fun and super casual.  Everyone who was invited to the wedding was invited to the BBQ.  

  I made our invites and included the info for both and had people rsvp for both.  It worked out well.  

  But, no, you can't invite people to the shower, etc that aren't invited to the wedding.  You chose a smaller guest list and that's one of the side effects.  

  

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• ginadog member

  

  April 2012 edited April 2012

  "Because they are not a part of your wedding, it is OK to invite people who were not invited to the wedding. "
  
  "If you're having an at home reception, it is really for those who were invited to the actual wedding but couldn't make it, not a consolation prize for those who weren't invited in the first place."
  
  I see some discrepancies regarding AHRs, and I hope someone can clarify. 
  
  One says AHRs are for non-wedding guests the other says it is for wedding guests who couldn't make it to the DW. 
  
  I've always thought AHR were for non-wedding day guests, usually because DW are smaller than local weddings (normally people don't invite 200 people to Hawaii, etc), or maybe even so small it's an elopement, but still would like to celebrate with others when they return.
  
  It makes it sound like if you weren't able to host 200 people in Hawaii, etc. in the first place then you don't get to celebrate a party later on.  No?  If it's really completely separate from the wedding (aka no gown, no garter toss, no vows, etc) then why not have a party with others and why should it matter who were the weddings guests (if it's all not wedding related)?
  
  I like to analyze etiquette if you cannot tell.
  
  

  http://ginadog.weebly.com

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• eirwyn member

  

  April 2012

  Check out the Destination Weddings board for some ideas too:

  
  

  http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings

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• strlzfan11 member

  

  April 2012

  If you have a DW with immediate family only (no friends, no aunts & uncles, etc.) then it ettiquettely-acceptable to have an AHR with guests who weren't invited to the wedding.  Once you start inviting other people it crosses the line.
  
  That being said, I still think it's kinda crappy and wouldn't do it myself, but I don't judge others who do it as long as they're within the guidelines of it being ok etiquette-wise.

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• ginadog member

  

  April 2012 edited April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:43c4d531-39d6-47a8-a951-7d0084bc0296Post:fe404988-6a6b-450b-9135-9c0d0d7b5c46">Re: Destination Wedding Help</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Destination Wedding Help : Gina Dog, I think I worded this quote poorly, and I revised it.  I meant that a party held a week or so after the wedding is not a wedding related activity.  It isn't part of the wedding, so therefore you can invite anyone you want to invite.  Thank you for drawing my sloppy English structure to my attention!
  Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]
  
  I didn't recognize anything written poorly!  I just saw the 180s in advice regarding who could actually be invited to these AHRs (held at a later date after the wedding) and needed some clarification.
  
  Like you said, if it's not wedding related, then why would it matter who was originally invited to the wedding or not.
  
   I also don't think a truly intimate wedding (that allows an AHR) should be limited to just immediate family.  What if you get married and only invite best friends to your DW?  Maybe your immediate family doesn't travel or you're not close to them perhaps.  By that logic it would rule out any celebration parties all together because it was intimate but not the "right" guests.
  
  Also, by certain logic if you invite 200 to your Hawaiian wedding and only really 25 can actually make it then you're supposed to "plan for 100%" and book that venue that fits 200!  Crazy logic.  And if you couldn't afford 200 guests in Hawaii, you don't get to host an AHR?
  
  I think we can all agree that AHR is a misnomer since it's really not a reception.  I like celebration party.
  
  "Consolation prize" is rubbing me the wrong way.

  http://ginadog.weebly.com

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• lisa3185

  

  April 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:43c4d531-39d6-47a8-a951-7d0084bc0296Post:41aac7ca-ee9e-46bc-b508-70709e15caf3">Destination Wedding Help</a>:
  [QUOTE]I am trying to plan a destination wedding for April 2013.  I'm on a tight budget, so it is going to need to be a smaller group, although I have a lot of friends/ family who I want to celebrate with us in some way. I have several questions-- I've been having a hard time finding etiquette on destination weddings.. Do I need to send it sooner than the standard 9 months prior, because it is a destination wedding, and might require more of a notice for my guests? If my goal is to have a smaller wedding, is it wrong to invite non attendees to showers/ bachellorette parties? If I am thinking of  having a local reception after the wedding for those who can't attend the wedding, is it ok to invite those attendees to showers/ bachellorette parties, etc? Should I invite everyone to the destination wedding, then invite those who decline to the follow up? How does that work? Does anyone know of a good source of etiquette info for destination weddings? Thanks!
  Posted by melissab100284[/QUOTE]
  
  There is a ton of conflicting ettiquette advice out there when it comes to DW.  You can start off by checking out this website...
  <a href="http://www.destinationweddings.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.destinationweddings.com/</a>
  They have some good info but be warned some information is <strong>VERY</strong> conflicting compared to the advice you would get on TK message boards.  But you learn the basics of planning a DW.  Most ppl on this board will not agree with this <strong>BUT</strong> most sites dedicated to destination weddings will tell you its okay to have pre-wedding parties with guests who are not invited to the wedding but are invited to the AHR.  For example: My Fiance and I are having a very private ceremony (just the two of us.) We will then be hosting a celebration a few weeks later.  Many sources say it is okay for someone to host a bridal shower for me, inviting only women who are invited to my celebration.  Like I said though...many ppl do not agree with this.
  Def check out the Destination wedding board, you will find some really great advice on having a DW.

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