November 2011 Weddings

11-11-11 might as well be next week :\

I didn't really know how else to title this post and couldn't find anything else like it on any of the boards! Anyway, I'm getting married 11-11-11 and have discovered that this whole wedding planning thing is a little more than I can handle. I moved from FL to NC two years ago and none of my bridesmaids live near me nor can they travel here often to help plan or anything. I'm an only child so no sisters to help. No close friends where I live now that have gotten married in the last few years so no one really local to help. My mother is terminally ill and in an assisted living facility so she can't help. Then, to top it off, I'm on a super tight budget and can't afford a wedding planner. When I got engaged about a month ago, I figured since I had over a year, that would be plenty of time to put it all together. Oh, let me also mention that I've only been to ONE wedding in my adult life (and was a guest, never been in one) and it was a hot mess...so I can't even plan from my own experiences. I don't have a lot of married friends :\

Anyway, so when we got engaged, we of course told family and his sister, who lives in MO, got so very excited about the possibility of her 7 year old daughter being the flower girl. I was absolutely fine with this and said of course. I hadn't planned on making a lot of bridal party decisions so early but his sister insisted that her daughter would be sosososo excited because she's always wanted to be a flower girl and that we should call her personally to extend the invitation. I had no problem with this but didn't know she wanted it done like...that night. I know she meant well and was just excited. So whatever, I was still not grasping how hard this was all going to be so I took one for the team and we called her. When we asked her, I could hear her jumping up and down and really was super excited. Since then I got a letter from her thanking me for letting her be my flower girl and welcoming me to the family. It was all very sweet.

So now I'm honestly rethinking the whole thing. Not the flower girl thing, but the whole wedding thing. I'm so overwhelmed and discouraged that I'd rather just go somewhere with him and have it just be the two of us. There's no way to just have something small with just immediate family because his is big (mine is almost non-existent) and immediate family alone turns into a huge thing.

I'm already in tears just typing this. Had we not already invited her, I would have already called it off and would be planning our cruise wedding or something similar...and cheaper. I know it would break her heart and ultimately I'll look like a jerk but I feel like I can't have an entire wedding just to appease his sister and niece, yanno? I already asked my 3 bridesmaids but I know they won't be super upset or anything. Not having a maid of honor, not close enough to anyone, just 3 bridesmaids.

Then I start thinking about a bachelorette party, bridal shower, etc. and how I won't have any of that. I won't have the gaggle of gals with me to try on my wedding dress or to help me put favors together. It all depresses me. I can't do this all by myself.

Of course, to top it off, I've already reserved my venue, photographer, and caterer so I have $1k worth of deposits sunk into this already.

I don't know what to do. The next 13-14 months are supposed to be the happiest and most exciting months of my life, aren't they? I'm absolutely dreading all of it and just know it will cause more stress than it'll be worth. I'm already feeling the stress of it all make me sick, as I have MS and can't be under a crazy amount of stress...which I already am.

Ok, this has turned into a great big woe is me post and I don't even know what I'm asking for anymore. Is there a way to gently let the flower girl down without breaking her heart and looking like a jerk or am I really stuck now? But really, I can't walk away from $1k so I guess I'm stuck in more ways than one anyway :(

Sorry so long,
Emily in Winston-Salem, NC
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Re: 11-11-11 might as well be next week :\

  • Thanks, everyone! I think I may have typed in circles a little and my post took a completely different direction than intended. I guess nothing worth having comes easy, right? It isn't that I feel like I won't enjoy my wedding without parties and such beforehand, I just want to feel like I'm enjoying my engagement and the wedding planning process, I guess. I don't have anyone here at all to share this with. FI is great and has been a really good sport about tagging along with me to meet with vendors and such. But, if I start asking his advice on decorations and set up and colors and yada yada, he's very function before fashion and regardless of what his opinion is, he will go with the least expensive option every time without even openly considering other stuff. I guess it isn't the same for guys, that's why I feel like I wish I had the kind of support than a lot of other brides do when putting this together. I don't feel confident in anything I've chosen or decided on and don't have anyone like-minded to tell me if it's great or if it sucks.

    *sigh* I guess it is what it is, right? I feel like I can't turn back now so I have to keep pushing through. I have to find the motivation to pick it back up again because I lost in somewhere along the way...
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  • It might take a little more work to be constantly posting pictures, but you could get our opinions on the boards.  :D
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  • Mine is 11 11 11 too :o) It'll be alright!!! I'm sure things will workout
  • In Response to Re: 11-11-11 might as well be next week :\:
    Don't forget there are tons of technology at your fingertips for communicating with your bridesmaids too.  Set up regular Skype sessions (once a month till it is closer to the wedding or something).  Text them pictures of you trying on dresses.  Email ideas, pictures and such. Also, there is nothing to say you can't go to them and go dress shopping one weekend.  You could have your batchelorette party there and they might even throw you a shower there too. Take it a step at a time.  I don't have my MOH here either and we are working around her being 2000 miles away pretty well. Good luck! Maryanne
    Posted by manello
    What she said.  Cool
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