I didn't really know how else to title this post and couldn't find anything else like it on any of the boards! Anyway, I'm getting married 11-11-11 and have discovered that this whole wedding planning thing is a little more than I can handle. I moved from FL to NC two years ago and none of my bridesmaids live near me nor can they travel here often to help plan or anything. I'm an only child so no sisters to help. No close friends where I live now that have gotten married in the last few years so no one really local to help. My mother is terminally ill and in an assisted living facility so she can't help. Then, to top it off, I'm on a super tight budget and can't afford a wedding planner. When I got engaged about a month ago, I figured since I had over a year, that would be plenty of time to put it all together. Oh, let me also mention that I've only been to ONE wedding in my adult life (and was a guest, never been in one) and it was a hot mess...so I can't even plan from my own experiences. I don't have a lot of married friends
Anyway, so when we got engaged, we of course told family and his sister, who lives in MO, got so very excited about the possibility of her 7 year old daughter being the flower girl. I was absolutely fine with this and said of course. I hadn't planned on making a lot of bridal party decisions so early but his sister insisted that her daughter would be sosososo excited because she's always wanted to be a flower girl and that we should call her personally to extend the invitation. I had no problem with this but didn't know she wanted it done like...that night. I know she meant well and was just excited. So whatever, I was still not grasping how hard this was all going to be so I took one for the team and we called her. When we asked her, I could hear her jumping up and down and really was super excited. Since then I got a letter from her thanking me for letting her be my flower girl and welcoming me to the family. It was all very sweet.
So now I'm honestly rethinking the whole thing. Not the flower girl thing, but the whole wedding thing. I'm so overwhelmed and discouraged that I'd rather just go somewhere with him and have it just be the two of us. There's no way to just have something small with just immediate family because his is big (mine is almost non-existent) and immediate family alone turns into a huge thing.
I'm already in tears just typing this. Had we not already invited her, I would have already called it off and would be planning our cruise wedding or something similar...and cheaper. I know it would break her heart and ultimately I'll look like a jerk but I feel like I can't have an entire wedding just to appease his sister and niece, yanno? I already asked my 3 bridesmaids but I know they won't be super upset or anything. Not having a maid of honor, not close enough to anyone, just 3 bridesmaids.
Then I start thinking about a bachelorette party, bridal shower, etc. and how I won't have any of that. I won't have the gaggle of gals with me to try on my wedding dress or to help me put favors together. It all depresses me. I can't do this all by myself.
Of course, to top it off, I've already reserved my venue, photographer, and caterer so I have $1k worth of deposits sunk into this already.
I don't know what to do. The next 13-14 months are supposed to be the happiest and most exciting months of my life, aren't they? I'm absolutely dreading all of it and just know it will cause more stress than it'll be worth. I'm already feeling the stress of it all make me sick, as I have MS and can't be under a crazy amount of stress...which I already am.
Ok, this has turned into a great big woe is me post and I don't even know what I'm asking for anymore. Is there a way to gently let the flower girl down without breaking her heart and looking like a jerk or am I really stuck now? But really, I can't walk away from $1k so I guess I'm stuck in more ways than one anyway
Sorry so long,
Emily in Winston-Salem, NC