Am I being unreasonable??

FutureMrsKupko · April 2012

My fiance requested to have a cigar person at our reception to sell cigars to our guest. He also said he would smoke a cigar with his groommen during the cocktail hour. We only have 45 minutes from when we get to our reception until we mAke our entrance. It typically takes them 20-25 min to smoke a cigar. I don't want him to leave me during Our reception to smoke a cigar with his friends. I feel like he should do that the night before or at least after the reception during the after party. Please someone tell me if I'm being uptight or if I should be concerned?

GinaV0822 · April 2012

I would be concerned, personally. My FI loves to smoke a cigar and I told him it would be nice to have that available at the reception but that I didn't want people outside smoking instead of inside enjoying the reception. He completely agreed. His brother got married 10 years ago, and I still hear the stories of how he spent most all of his time outside smoking cigars with the guys. His wife still gives him a hard time about not being able to find him. that was not just the cocktail hour but still.

Also, think about how he will stink!!! I wouldn't want to be close to him and get that smell all over me!! No way. I'd say save it for the rehearsal dinner or after the reception, or the bachelor party.

FutureMrsKupko · April 2012

Thank you for responding. I can see yet you mean that people will be outside smoking instead of enjoying our reception! That would be a nightmare! Especially if most of our bridal party would be outside smoking, I need them to keep the party alive. I feel bad that I have to say something about this to him. I don't like feeling like I'm ruining his fun, but I hope he sees that its our wedding and the focus should be us. But I want him to be happy too, I just hope we can comprise and he understands where I am coming from. And....I'm already stressed out!!! Lol

GinaV0822 · April 2012

Plus, like you said, it takes 25 minutes to smoke it. It's not like it would be 5 minutes out there now and then. It's very nice that you are concerned about ruining his fun and you should be, but he should also see your side too. Maybe there's something else he'd really like to have included in the wedding that you could incorporate to make up for the cigars? It will alll work out in the end. WHat would wedding planning be without stress, right??? hahaha!! :-)

ChiGirl2013 · April 2012

Well, I'm kind of outspoken, but I would have nixed that idea because there is NO WAY I would want my guests to have to pay for ANYTHING at our reception. We are hosting it, so it's our job to pay. Cool idea or not, nobody is setting up a table in the lobby and making my wedding reception look like a church bake sale! If FI wanted it that badly, he can come up for the money to pay for all the cigars, but I 'm not going to expect wedding guests to be walking around with extra cash in their pockets for a stogie. That's just rude to the guests. If you're going to include something at your reception, you pay for it, period. Maybe you can use that angle with your FI and tell him that if he can't pay for all the cigars himself, then you're not going to cheapen your reception by having "vendors" hawking their wares in the lobby and turning it into a freakin flea market. Yes, it's a very cool and unique idea, but your guests are going to see it as tacky if they have to pay and it will probably change the way some of them view you.

If FI were willing to pay for it ALL, then I would tell him there's no time to do it during cocktail hour and he needed to pick a different time. There's no reason he can't do it after dinner, during the dancing, at his bachelor party, after the rehearsal dinner, while getting ready with his guys, etc. Have the cigar roller go to wherever the guys are getting ready and do it there. I can't stand the smell of cigars and I would flat out tell FI that I would prefer he waited until after introductions/dinner/our first dance to light up because the smell of the cigar would literally make me want to vomit. Thankfully, he respects me enough and would be more than willing to compromise.

I wouldn't play the "You're not allowed to leave my side for even one second during the entire reception" thing because that sounds a little controlling. He's NOT going to be by your side all evening whether or not the cigar guy is there. Most of the time? Yes. Every single second? No. You CAN survive without him for 20 minutes while he goes to smoke a cigar to celebrate with his buddies. It won't be the end of the world. I understand you not wanting to have to hunt him down and have him spend the entire reception outside, but I wouldn't begrudge him 20 minutes once or twice during the night. I would just talk to him about doing the cigars AFTER all the important stuff has been done so you don't have to go looking for him and hold things up. Or maybe when there's a lull, you can tell him "This would be a perfect time for you to slip outside if you want to go have your cigar. We have 30 minutes until we have to cut the cake, so as long as you're back before then, it's all good."

vk2204 · April 2012

I worked at a banquet hall for 5 years, and I guarantee people will be out smoking no matter what is going on inside. It sucks, I have never smoked in my life, I would rather have people be inside celebrating; but you can't force them too. Especially if alcohol is involved.

Can you compromise, and do the cigars at the rehersal dinner? So at least he won't be smelly for the wedding! Or what about before all the guys get dressed to go to the ceremony?

I would definitely play up the smell. You guys are supposed to be together the whole night you can't have your dress smelling like that!!

ETA: I totally missed the part about selling cigars at the wedding. I would say heck no to that, guests shouldn't have to pay for anything at the wedding. Plus, your venue might not allow it.

eddiesgirl11 · April 2012

Hey Future Mrs!! your on my pittsburgh board too!! ( and were both getting married at Heinz)... ookayyy now I sound stakerish.. but when I saw your name on a post I thought I went to the Pittsburgh blog instead of the April ones... haha

FutureMrsKupko · April 2012

Haha eddiesgirl, I have been reading your posts as well since our weddings are at the same day/venue. So stalkerish lol My fiance took everything more than well. He didn't care if we did not have a cigar guy and said all he cares about is being with me on our dayAww As usual, I am too sensitive to how he feels, but he knows that is me. I bought us 2 cigars before my talk with him as a peace offering. We are going to smoke them on the porch as soon as it gets warm again! Lol. C:

FutureMrsKupko · April 2012

Ps. eddiesgirl I like posting on this board better when it comes to advice. Some of the girls came off meanish when I posted for advice on the pitt one /: This is my safe haven since we are all in the same boat, getting married in the same month and learning as we go.c:

shipsinthenight · May 2012

This is so not unreasonable...And to be perfectly honest, I have a problem with the fact that he TOLD you anything about the wedding, instead of the two of you discussing and coming to an agreement. Any time anything remotely controvercial come up about the wedding, fi and I talk it out. Deffinitly play up the smell, and that he'll have the oportunity to do this during his bachelor party. Gently remind him that the wedding is mostly about the two of you (I know, the guests matter some too...), but it's not really the right time for him and his buddies to go light up a big, stinky stogey. And if he's adament that he wants to, make sure he understands that during the coctail hour, you will mostly be doing pictures, or grabbing a quick taste of the munchies, not hanging out with guests. If he needs to smoke with his buddies the day of the wedding, carve out a little time during the reception, AFTER your entrance, that the guys can get away and do this. But I think the whole thing is just a lousy idea, and he should move this activity to the bachelor party and leave it at that.

Am I being unreasonable??

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