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Wedding Date - to wait, or not to wait?

bellasposinabellasposina
First Comment
in Wedding Woes
So here's my problem: Do I wait 1 year and 8 months and have roughly 60 guests or do I wait only 11 months and have 20 guests?

The problem: I want to be married - NOW. My fiancée and I have been together for 6 years. We are in our 20s and because of finances (and beliefs about marriage) we still live at home with our parents. It's killing me.

My parents are paying for the reception and they want us to wait an extra 9 months so that they can save up. However, if we have only 20 guest then my parents can afford it easily. The 20 guests would be only family - only his best man would be unrelated to us. I would have to use his sister has my MOH. Of course, the 60 guest list would include some of my friends and all my cousins and aunts and uncles, which the 20 doesn't.

I'm not close to any of my family, so that's not really an issue. The issue is will I regret having a small wedding without any of my friends there?
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Re: Wedding Date - to wait, or not to wait?

  • TheDuckisTheDuckis member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you can't afford to live on your own now, how are you going to afford it after you're married? I'd wait the extra 9 months and use the time to save some money for yourselves. It goes by faster than you think.
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  • bdulli13bdulli13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Alrighty...

    A) "Use his sister" as your MOH? Are you kidding? It is an honor for her to be in your wedding-- your the one who is honored. Before you ask ANYONE to be a part of your wedding, take a step back and think about who you appreciate and why. If I were hear and I heard you were "using me" as your MOH, I would probably make sure you had a black eye for all your wedding pictures.

    B) How will your finances change by getting married? If you can't afford to live together now, why would you be able to afford it in 11 months? You two should use the extra time to save save save. Life is hard. It's harder when you're broke. Love does NOT keep the electric on, or a roof over your head.

    C) Only you can know whether or not you will regret not having your extended family there. FI and I wanted to run to the court house, but after thinking it through, we knew we were only doing this once and we wanted it to be special for us AND our families. What is your dream? Is there a happy medium?

    Ditto PP-- the time will FLY. Take advantage of it.


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  • InksWellInksWell member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    You need to wait till you can both support yourselves. I'm concerned that you both live at home and cannot contribute to a 20 person wedding.

    Have you been "together" since middle school? Because I feel like this is a HS sweetheart type issue. Did you go to college, have any sort of independence yet?
    Is this a situation where you haven't been able to find a career or were laid off?
    After you are married, where will you live? How will you pay the bills?

    Usually I would tell you that a marriage license is 60$, but I would be doing you a disservice if I told you to get married in such a dismal financial state. Trust me, it would be better to wait until you are secure and be married forever than to be married in 11 months and shortly divorced over money issues.

    I'm going to ask a personal question- Do you want to be married "NOW" in order to have sex with your fiance?

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  • marissa_clairemarissa_claire member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Agreed with PPs.  You need to wait.  It's not what you want to hear, but honestly if you can't afford to live on your own then you are mature enough for marriage - no matter what your age is. 

    You need to wait until you're ready to start your life responsibly together.  Rushing the process just to get out of your parents' basement does not sound all that responsible. 
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  • kimp67kimp67 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sorry, but I agree with pps.  Wait & not just so you can invite 40 more people to your wedding!
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  • Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wait...being married is hard enough without starting out resentful and in a financial bind.
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  • KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Never mind, I just read it all wrong.

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  • bakes218bakes218
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I disagree with PP's. My FI and I have been together for 7 years. We also do not want to live together before we are married so we live at home also. We both have college degrees and can support ourselves on our own, just choose to be at home and save money. We decided to forgo a costly wedding for many reasons. I do not think you should wait. I have not regretted the fact that we are eloping with just our parents for a second. We were able to buy a house and put the money we would have spent on a wedding towards our future together.

    I say go for the small wedding, you won't regret it.

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  • bdulli13bdulli13 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, if OP had said the only reason they are living apart is because they didn't want to live together before marriage due to beliefs, I would wholeheartedly agree with that. But the primary line in that sentence is due to financial reasons, and they can't afford to contribute to a 20 person wedding, so I am guessing they both don't have steady careers and are still choosing to live at home to save. Being broke is NO way to start a happy marriage.
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  • bellasposinabellasposina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We're buying a house. It is my parents who have asked us to wait. They are paying for the reception, we are covering everything else.
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  • bellasposinabellasposina
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We met after high school and have gone through college together as poor students. And now we're working and are about to buy a house. So far 6 years in total.

    We have decided to marry before moving in together because of our personal beliefs about what a marriage is. I am not one of those girls who marries the first guy she meets in order to release some pressure, but I appreciate the concern. I would be too.
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