Wedding Party

Bridesmaid Problem

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Re: Bridesmaid Problem

  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited May 2011

    1. How much YOU decide to pay for your wedding does NOT equal how much your BMs should be paying for their attire. Seriously if you want the $70 shoes PAY for them, obviously you have no problem blowing money on your wedding what is another X amount for shoes that you MUST have.

    2. Just because YOU think they can be worn again doesn't mean they CAN be worn again. As you must know as a shoe sales person, everyone has different feet and styles. These shoes could be very uncomfortable to certain BMs or they might not have any outfits to match the shoes.

    3. I didn't mention the BMs not helping you because others did previously. BMs are NOT required to help you with YOUR wedding, they do NOT have to come to dress fittings or pre-wedding parties. You can give an open invitation of asking anyone who wants to help or go somewhere wedding related but other then that you can't guilt trip or be peeved at them if they have other things in THEIR lives that they want to do. Can you be disappointed that no one wants to help you? Sure. But it sounds like all the demands and entitlement things you are pushing is making this BM avoid you so that a blow up doesn't occur because obviously you are NOT getting that she is not interested in your wedding stuff and you are trying to FORCE her to. 

    As for the shoes, just ask her a comfortable price in spending on shoes and find something but your still pretty ridiculous in forcing people into wearing the same shoe and NOT paying for it, specially since once again you a throwing a lot of money on a big fancy wedding. 

    Once again, pick a color and style of shoes and let your BMs pick their own shoe and stop nagging at your BM to help you. I actually recommend APOLOGIZING to her for the selfish way you have been acting and chalk it up to the "wedding crazies" because right now you have a bad attitude thinking your "entitled" to certain things because your getting married. That mindset is going to make you lose this friendship and no wedding/shoes is worth breaking up a friendship. 
  • LD1970LD1970 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problem-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:37df1ab6-b600-472f-b94a-d5e932385d3ePost:59743183-c5e3-4fbf-9278-5e25ca2d16d4">Re: Bridesmaid Problem</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Ok my wedding is a very very formal event, 5 course meal at $100 a person, open bar, etc, so really spending $70 for a very very nice evening event that are perfectly wearable again is not asking that much in my opinion which I think I am entitled too without being burned on here</strong>.....Anyways it's really not about the shoes....but the fact she is complaing about them and she has not done anything to help me, If any of you bothered to read my 1st post, I asked her several times to come bridesmaid dress shopping with me and got no response, after I even asked which days SHE specifically was free to go...and she still ignored me and gave me no idication of what she could afford. She also ignored me when I asked if she was going to my bridal shower, and she did not plan any of the bachlerette party. If she had been there for me and kept in communication we would not have a problem and I would have been more than willing to re-pick the shoes. I have talked with her and asked her if she was available this weekend to go pick other shoes with me and she said no, but I am perfectly fine if u go without me....so I am suppossed to go re-look an re-pick without her? That's ridiculous, I do not have time to re-pick and have her complain again, I politely asked her to give me another date and time and she is not communicating with me again, so she is the ridiculous one...not me.
    Posted by Italian*classic12[/QUOTE]
    My wedding was a very formal 5-course dinner after a full cocktail hour, and it cost more than yours, and I told my bridesmaids to get/wear whatever shoes they wanted that'd go with the dresses.  Each one had different shoes.  The only shoes I remember are my sister/MOH's, because she showed them to me when she got them just because she liked 'em.<div>
    </div><div>Oh, and if your bridesmaids are wearing short dresses, it's NOT that formal.  Formal = long gowns.</div>
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problem-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:37df1ab6-b600-472f-b94a-d5e932385d3ePost:fc46cbff-88ff-4520-b450-256a28370274">Re: Bridesmaid Problem</a>:
    [QUOTE]Umm actually for the bachelorette party, it was not my idea....my MOH suggusted Charleston to begin with and everyone said no, she she came up with the 2nd option just getting a hotel room and hanging out in the city where we live, which was fine with everyone, but apparently not fine enough to pay for me, which I am totally ok with, I am just frusterated because I am not rich by any means (I have been student teaching for the past 4 months which is a non paying full time job, <strong>so I have no money) and I would pay anything to make sure they had everything they wanted for their weddings and bachelorette parties,</strong>I would find some way to get the money, I completely understand their situations, I just am stressed out and frusterated because they have been no help and have done nothing for me. I even offered to go with them at the end of this week (thurs or fri) to look for cheaper shoes and none of them are responding to me now, except for the main complainer said she is not available...so I'm sorry if your not willing to work with me, I can't be willing to work with you
    Posted by Italian*classic12[/QUOTE]

    First of all, I would hope, because you have "no money", you'd be sympathetic to the fact that she can't afford $70 shoes.

    Secondly, I don't understand the bolded statement above. If you have no money, you couldn't pay for those things.

    Third, if you are going to say credit card, that's insane. I would never expect my bridesmaids to go into debt for my wedding.

    If I were her, I'd take myself out of the bridal party.
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  • OK totally missing the POINT, honestly theres a lot more back story involved with her ....I do not care she did not go dress shopping, my way of taking the girls dress shopping was to ask them their budgets, all the other girls knew what to expect for the dresses because we looked together, so my biggest thing is she complains about the dress price first, wayyy before the shoe price. When she complained about the dress price, I politely asked her what she could afford (I did not tell her this at the time, but I was planning to pay the difference or find another dress) and she basically said she could afford nothing, so if you can't give me a budget, how am I supposed to stick in it? "Nothing" is not a price range when she had known for 6 months she was going to be a bridesmaid. I am also very understanding of financial situations, but this girl quits jobs like its her job, she's been through 3 jobs in 3 weeks (so she is unemployed by CHOICE) and quits them simply because she decides she does not like working there after she gets hired, in this economy I think thats completely rude and immature to waste an HR persons time and take someone else's spot who would have glady worked there more than a week. She is also pissing me off because she is getting the other BMs to agree with her on cost of the shoes, when the 2 other BMs previously told me cost was not a problem, its whatever I wanted, so sorry when I hear something like that I pick the shoes I want....so as you can see I think I deserve to be a little stressed out and frusturated...but I took everyone's advice, they are picking their own shoes.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problem-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:37df1ab6-b600-472f-b94a-d5e932385d3ePost:a0b303f8-8b7a-4c2a-8efd-3682dfb365c3">Re: Bridesmaid Problem</a>:
    [QUOTE]OK totally missing the POINT, honestly theres a lot more back story involved with her ....I do not care she did not go dress shopping, my way of taking the girls dress shopping was to ask them their budgets, all the other girls knew what to expect for the dresses because we looked together, so my biggest thing is she complains about the dress price first, wayyy before the shoe price. <strong>When she complained about the dress price, I politely asked her what she could afford (I did not tell her this at the time, but I was planning to pay the difference or find another dress)</strong> <strong>and she basically said she could afford nothing, so if you can't give me a budget, how am I supposed to stick in it? "Nothing" is not a price range when she had known for 6 months</strong> she was going to be a bridesmaid. I am also very understanding of financial situations, but this girl quits jobs like its her job, <strong>she's been through 3 jobs in 3 weeks</strong>(so she is unemployed by CHOICE) and quits them simply because she decides she does not like working there after she gets hired, in this economy I think thats completely rude and immature to waste an HR persons time and take someone else's spot who would have glady worked there more than a week. <strong>She is also pissing me off because she is getting the other BMs to agree with her on cost of the shoes, when the 2 other BMs previously told me cost was not a problem, its whatever I wanted, so sorry when I hear something like that I pick the shoes I want</strong>....so as you can see I think I deserve to be a little stressed out and frusturated...<strong>but I took everyone's advice, they are picking their own shoes.
    </strong>Posted by Italian*classic12[/QUOTE]

    1) She said basically nothing... What does that mean? She said to you "basically nothing"? Or did she say something along the lines of I'm not sure if I can afford a lot because I'm short on cash and you took it as basically nothing? You probably should have told her you'd help with the price of the dress.

    2) Her jobs or lack there of are none of your business

    3) Maybe your other BMs were nervous to tell you they were too much and now that she voiced her opinion, they feel comfortable voicing theirs.

    4) At least you took the advice.
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  • Good for you on taking the advice.  Your BM's will be much happier for it.  Promise.

    One of my friends had to spend $90 on a pair of shoes to be in a wedding she'd never ever wear again.  They are so not her style.  She's totally annoyed.  She spend more than that on the shoes for my wedding because she got to pick her own and she'll wear them a million times over and is totally in love with them.  Big difference.  Coughing up $70 for shoes I love is not a big deal to me, since I love shoes.  But coughing up $70 for shoes I hate, is a big deal and a waste of money. 

    And honestly, I told my friend that her friend should have paid for shoes since she requested matching and she'd never heard of that before and has had to buy matching shoes for every other wedding she's been in.  So it's not something that everyone knows off the bat.  I learned it on TK, but I wasn't going to request matching shoes.  I asked her what the BM's wore in the last wedding she was at (not in) and she couldn't remember.  She's letting us pick our own too (and I bought the same shoes she bought for my wedding!)  It's so much nicer. 

    And if you are having a formal wedding, your dresses should be long and you won't see them anyway. 

    You made the right choice OP, and try not to stress over the minor details. 
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  • LD1970LD1970 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-problem-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:37df1ab6-b600-472f-b94a-d5e932385d3ePost:a0b303f8-8b7a-4c2a-8efd-3682dfb365c3">Re: Bridesmaid Problem</a>:
    [QUOTE]OK totally missing the POINT, honestly theres a lot more back story involved with her ....I do not care she did not go dress shopping, my way of taking the girls dress shopping was to ask them their budgets, all the other girls knew what to expect for the dresses because we looked together, so my biggest thing is she complains about the dress price first, wayyy before the shoe price. When she complained about the dress price, I politely asked her what she could afford (I did not tell her this at the time, but I was planning to pay the difference or find another dress) and she basically said she could afford nothing, so if you can't give me a budget, how am I supposed to stick in it? "Nothing" is not a price range when she had known for 6 months she was going to be a bridesmaid. I am also very understanding of financial situations, <strong>but this girl quits jobs like its her job, she's been through 3 jobs in 3 weeks (so she is unemployed by CHOICE) and quits them simply because she decides she does not like working there after she gets hired</strong>, in this economy I think thats completely rude and immature to waste an HR persons time and take someone else's spot who would have glady worked there more than a week. She is also pissing me off because she is getting the other BMs to agree with her on cost of the shoes, when the 2 other BMs previously told me cost was not a problem, its whatever I wanted, so sorry when I hear something like that I pick the shoes I want....so as you can see I think I deserve to be a little stressed out and frusturated...but I took everyone's advice, they are picking their own shoes.
    Posted by Italian*classic12[/QUOTE]
    This is ONLY your concern if she owes you child support or alimony.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • Well, at least you took PPs' advice :-).  Try not to stress out so much, a wedding shouldn't be so stressful.  Good luck on planning!
  • I agree that $70 is a ton to spend on shoes. I chose full length dress for my bridesmaids so that we would not have to worry about matching shoes. You are right in the fact that your bridesmaid has known since August, but $70? That was the down payment on my BM's dresses, so your request may be asking a bit much. I don't know what advice to give other than finding different shoes or quietly helping her pay if she is the only one complaining.
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