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Do I have to invite my moms boyfriend to my wedding?

latty27latty27 member
First Comment
in Colorado-Denver
okay, so when I started planning my wedding I called my mom to let her know that I did not want her boyfriend to come. They have been together for about 4 years now, and its not that I don't like him but that I don't want to deal with walking on egg shells around him at my wedding. I also worry that it will make my dad feel uncomfortable (who raised my sister and i when my parents divorced and is still not over my mother). My father will not be bringing a date so I do not think that my mom should bring one either. 

Anyways, when I called her to talk to her about this back in March she seemed okay with it. Yesterday my sister called me to let me know that she is thinking about bringing him. I called her today and she was!  His name is not on the invitation, and now she is trying to guilt trip me into inviting him. She said that he will be really hurt if he finds out he is not invited. (plus, my family would be flying from detroit to denver to come to the wedding, so he would be here for 3-4 days). 

I don't know what to do. I really do not want him at the wedding. I never get to spend time with my mom without him around. 

Do you guys think that I should just invite him? I know that I am being rude leaving him off the guest list... but I really don't want him to come. 

Is anyone is a similar situation?
Is it okay to not invite my mothers boyfriend?

Thanks for any advice on the subject. 
<3
Linda
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Re: Do I have to invite my moms boyfriend to my wedding?

  • nhand2206nhand2206
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Bottom line: If you don't want him there then don't invite him. You're not obligated to have him there as he's not related to you in any way. I'm somewhat indifferent to my dad's girlfriend and I'm not honestly sure she's even going to come due to the fact that we really don't know each other (after about 5 years).

    I know it seems rude, but it's your wedding day! If your mom can't understand why you don't want him there that's her issue, not yours.
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  • jafrederjafreder
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think you should invite her.  I feel bad saying that, but this is a guy she has been with for 4 years, so it isn't a new relationship.  It is ultimately up to you, but I think you will be so busy that you probably won't even notice he is there.  You are going to have so much going on, that you won't even have to talk to him.  If you are going to feel uncomfortable and could ruin your day, then don't do it.  I have a similar situatuin and invited my dad's significant other.  Have you talked to your dad, will he be upset if she brings him? I don't think you are really going to get much quality time with your mom on that day, maybe you and your mom can get manis and pedis together the day before and grab lunch and put him to work running errands.  Good luck!
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  • chelbell326chelbell326 member
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    edited December 2011
    I am torn.  If you are paying for your wedding, you have the right to invite/not invite whoever you chose!  That being said, it isn't a new relationship (they've been together for 4 years).  In the interest of family peace I'd probably invite him.

    FWIW, my drama potential at my wedding was astronomical.  DH's parents divorced 14 yrs ago b/c his dad left his mom to marry DH's mom's best friend of 20 yrs.!  Apparently they'd had an affair & DH's mom was DEVASTATED.  DH's parents hadn't talked since the divorce & Dh's mom at one point wanted us to "uninvite" DH's step-mom.  Talk about DRAMA!  I hired a DOC just in case there was any craziness & it caused me LOTS of stress up until the wedding but on our actual day & even the rehearsal dinner, everyone behaved themselves (thank god!). 
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  • jessicaanderikjessicaanderik member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You can't split up a social unit like that especially if they have been together 4 years.  I understand that you don't like him but he is obviously an important part of your mom's life.  Unless you are having a very small wedding, I am not sure you will really even have time to notice him on the day of the wedding.  Imagine it was you and that someone didn't want to invite your fiance to something.  I am certain that this would both offend and upset you.  Be considerate of your mother in this situation.  And like previous poster mentioned you can always have a mom day before the wedding where you get mani's and pedi's or go to lunch. 
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  • wifeandmommy0609wifeandmommy0609
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's your day and if you don't want him there your mom should understand that.

    My parents are getting a divorce (for the 2nd time) and I told them both flat out they are not allow to bring dates to my wedding and if they do I will personally tell them to either have their dates leave or they will have to leave with their dates..

    Hope it all works out for you!
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  • latty27latty27 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone. I called my mom and tried to explain why I didn't want her bf there. We got into a fight and now I think I will just deal with him being there for my wedding. I like the idea that I may not really notice him. I just hope it doesn't ruin my fathers time. 

    I really appreciate everyones stories and opinions.

    Thank you all so much.

    Linda.
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