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April 2010 Weddings


So, my Matron of Honor just backed out of my wedding. This is the same one who has been causing bridal shower drama. She started more drama today....one of my other bridesmaids wrote her an email that she interpreted as nasty and text messaged me that she can't be in my wedding. I wrote her back asking if she was serious and she said yes, she was. What upsets me more than anything is that this is someone who is supposed to be one of my best friends (hence the MOH title) and she can't put her differences with this bridesmaid aside for ONE day for my sake. They were not friends before this, they had a falling out over a year ago and have not spoken since, but they have been cordial when talking about my bridal shower, etc until today.

I don't know how I feel about this yet.....I'm not crying or anything. I'm hurt and mildly angry that she can't just do this for my sake b/c that's what friends do. I have a sneaking feeling that she might come back in a week and tell me "oh I'm sorry, I still want to be apart of your day." And if that happens, I really don't know how to handle it.

But that's my drama for the evening....thanks for reading.
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Re: OMG.....

  • I would take a break from this, relax, and then revisit the situation in a few days.

    Call or visit her in person in a few days - do not try to sort things out via texts or e-mail. Things can get misconstrued if you do them in writing. Plus, you never know who might be forwarding texts or e-mails to others ... and words can always be omitted or changed in forwards. You don't want your words twisted if others are reading them.

    Try to be calm for now - take some time to think about things and get yourself in a more rational mood before you make any big decisions or accept her threat as fact. Like you said, she could've said something in the heat of the moment and maybe it'll all blow over in a while and it won't be an issue.
  • UGH.....

    Sorry I don't have a ton more to offer other than that general sentiment.....but that sucks......
  • I would move on from the situation. Ask someone else (who is drama-free) to step up to the MOH role. That way, hopefully, the next few once will go a little more smoothly. If she comes back in a few days wanting to be a part of things again just explain to her that you've already asked someone else to step up but you'd still like to see her there as a guest. 
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  • What a sticky situation...
    I would give it a week before asking anyone else to take that role over...  and that also allows her to reflect on her poor decision.

    I also agree with Mbcdefg.  My family is not allowed to text or email because we have experienced so many misunderstandings.  Talk over the phone or in person in order to get your feelings/thoughts across.

    I am so sorry.
    I would be devastated.

  • I originally had a matron of honor and a maid of honor. So I don't have to ask anyone to step up b/c I still have my Maid of Honor. I also am not going to replace her in the wedding party because I don't want to offend any of my other friends that they weren't good enough then, but they are now. As far as the texting thing....this girl does not know how to pick up a phone and call or do things in person....she ALWAYS texts/emails and I am kinda in disbelief that she would text me something like that and not pick up the phone and call me. But whatever.

    I'm still not devastated or anything about this....in some respects I think it's for the best because she has been causing nothing but drama for the other girls and then turns around and runs to me and "tattles" on them and brings me into the drama. We'll see what happens, but I just don't know how to feel about it yet lol.
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  • She doesn't sound like a true friend to me at all......in fact I think she sounds like a downright selfish b!tch.  I'm glad you're taking it well though - I don't know what I'd do if it were my situation because I take everything so personally.
    3 months before the weddig she's going to pull this?  I wouldn't even want her as a guest at this point.  F her.  But, she's your friend.  Mary Beth is right; don't do anything rash just yet.  Give it a few days then see if you can discuss this in person and get everythign resolved, no matter the outcome.  GL!
  • Yuck...that is rough. I am sorry that you have to deal with this!

    I agree with people before me, just take a break and relax. I HATE when people send something important via text....I know the phone has that feature but it is not meant for dropping bombs!

    I hope that your MOH will see the importance of this to you, and put everything aside. It is one day, it shouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

    I can definitely see the positive thought....eliminate the negative energy and you don't have to worry about any unnecessary drama over the next few weeks/months. Your wedding is ALL ABOUT YOU!

    Good luck!
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  • WOW!!  That really sucks!  But it does sound like it was for the best!  I HATE drama and it sound like you do too.  Kudos to you for not having a mini meltdown! 

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  • umm it's all been said but UGH UGH UGH i can't believe she broke up with your wedding via text. hmph! go you for being mature about it - don't know if I could say that i would act the same!
  • umm it's all been said but UGH UGH UGH i can't believe she broke up with your wedding via text. hmph! go you for being mature about it - don't know if I could say that i would act the same!
  • omg is right...i'm so sorry this had to happen. having said that, i think it's for the best. friends, regardless of the situation, just don't do things like this.

    allow me to share a story: my moh was married just under two years ago and asked her long-time friend to be her moh. the reason: this was her bff/long-time friend. they weren't nearly as close as they had once been, had been experiencing some major texting drama (sound familiar?) and she could never communicate with her effectively without...you guessed it...more drama. this only progressively got worse as the day of the wedding neared, escalating to a dual between myself and her because she was being such a toolbag the day of the wedding and me actually having to separate the bride from her moh because the bride was going to lose her friggin' mind over everything.

    all i'm saying is...on a deeper level than her being your moh - you don't deserve this from a friend. you just don't. you deserve BETTER than this. you deserve a friend who knows how to put her pride aside for the sake of a special day for you, her best friend. anyone who can't do that isn't your friend.

    i certainly wouldn't recommend filling her place. the moh "duties" can be handled by the other moh and bridesmaids, and i'm sure they'll stand up and astound you with their love and support. you put her as the moh for a reason and, while filling it may even out the bridal party, it's never the intent to have a special position such as that be inadequately filled by someone else who was never asked before, or moving up in ranks from being a bridesmaid...as i'm sure anyone would feel that way. i am with you on that one, lady, undoubtedly. :)

    hugs to you. this stinks. i hope things do work out.
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