Kids meal dilemma

JemmaWRX · July 2012

My FI's cousin has a 12 year old daugher who we assumed would select a kids meal on the response card. She didn't. Her mother put her down for a $120 adult meal of crab cakes (the $120 of course includes liquor too). The kid's meal is $30. Is it appropriate to reach out to the mom and explain that her daughter should be eating the kid's meal? Or let it go?
(The response card included "kid's meal" as an option although it didn't state what ages were appropriate for said meal. Our venue said 13 to 14 years of age and under. I figured the parents would know). Please advise. Thanks

kcscejal · July 2012

I would let it go. Most places I see kids meals say 10 and under or even 8 and under. 12 isn't exactly a kid. Would your venue possibly give you a little discount on the meal because obviously the 12 yo won't be drinking?

lily_721 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-meal-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1a88ced-a219-4319-9fb5-938026532dc1Post:c96543cd-83de-4e45-ad4d-0bab1394ae25">Kids meal dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI's cousin has a 12 year old daugher who we assumed would select a kids meal on the response card. She didn't. Her mother put her down for a $120 adult meal of crab cakes (the $120 of course includes liquor too). The kid's meal is $30. Is it appropriate to reach out to the mom and explain that her daughter should be eating the kid's meal? Or let it go? (The response card included "kid's meal" as an option although it didn't state what ages were appropriate for said meal. Our venue said 13 to 14 years of age and under. I figured the parents would know). Please advise. Thanks
Posted by JemmaWRX[/QUOTE]

I would just give her a kid's meal. I had emailed the parents of the children and said a child's meal would be served. One family picked adult meals for their children. I gave them kid's meals.

I had a guest request gluten-free food. Another parent requested vegetarian kids meals. Nope. Sorry everyone. Its just what's on the response card.

JemmaWRX · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-meal-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1a88ced-a219-4319-9fb5-938026532dc1Post:5ef9cde1-0df6-431c-b8d4-c4af8ea6fa93">Re: Kids meal dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I would let it go. Most places I see kids meals say 10 and under or even 8 and under. 12 isn't exactly a kid. Would your venue possibly give you a little discount on the meal because obviously the 12 yo won't be drinking?
Posted by kcscejal[/QUOTE]
I will have to ask. Initially I thought "let it go." But now it's crunch time, i.e. wave buh-bye to the rest of my money time, and I'm scrambling to cut costs wherever possible. Fair enough though. I suppose I'll just have to deal. Thanks for the input.

acaponi87 · July 2012

Many 12 year old girls won't grow any bigger than that and have the appetitte of a grown adult. I'd let her have the adult meal. I would also check with your venue about under 21 guests. We gave our venue an age breakdown of all our guests and had a price w/o alcohol for those under 21.

ElisabethJoanne · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-meal-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1a88ced-a219-4319-9fb5-938026532dc1Post:dc3d6dcb-a679-4554-bb3e-3a2ab95162e1">Re: Kids meal dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Kids meal dilemma : Maybe the kid actually wanted crab cakes? I suppose you could call to clarify, but there's no nice way to tell someone they "should" have gotten a different meal.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

I agree.

JemmaWRX · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-meal-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1a88ced-a219-4319-9fb5-938026532dc1Post:5d7c23eb-fe1f-4c29-8f08-09929f90abe8">Re: Kids meal dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids meal dilemma : What if they had allergies?
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

No allergies. Her other kid, younger, is getting a kid's meal and she listed his allergies so I assume she would have done the same for the other.
Frankly, I would feel uncomfortable calling about it so I suppose I'll just let it be.

ElisabethJoanne · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-meal-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1a88ced-a219-4319-9fb5-938026532dc1Post:4c8ce968-927c-4c41-9655-6759c78ec42e">Re: Kids meal dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Kids meal dilemma : I would just give her a kid's meal. I had emailed the parents of the children and said a child's meal would be served. One family picked adult meals for their children. I gave them kid's meals. I had a guest request gluten-free food. Another parent requested vegetarian kids meals. Nope. Sorry everyone. Its just what's on the response card.
Posted by lily_721[/QUOTE]

I hope you at least let them know politely. It's hard to accommodate everyone's requests, but people need to be informed so they can make arrangements. [It's also not as hard as one might think. Our dinner will be free of wheat, oats, rye, soy, and many other allergens, at no extra cost or extra discussions with the caterers.]

amorg334 · July 2012

I mean I know my brother will be 11 or 12 when my wedding happens and knowing how kids even at that age eat (I know my brother hates adult food) just explain to the parents that you have kids meals meant for kids under a certain age for a reason.

JemmaWRX · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-meal-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1a88ced-a219-4319-9fb5-938026532dc1Post:1bef2e2d-e890-42e4-9539-748eb793b855">Re: Kids meal dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Kids meal dilemma : I agree.
Posted by ElisabethJoanne[/QUOTE]
I agree, and that's not how I would have approached it necessarily. I don't even know how I would have approached it at all. Oh well. Really guys, thanks for the input. In the grand scheme of things it's one small expense to make a very sweet girl happy (and full on a big-ass plate of crab-cakes - so be it!).

Simply Fated · July 2012

I would definitely talk to your venue about reducing the cost of her meal because there won't be alcohol served to her. I'm guessing there are other guests under the age of 21, but over the age of 14 on your list, too, no?

12 is hardly a kid anymore, anyway.

Simply Fated · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-meal-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1a88ced-a219-4319-9fb5-938026532dc1Post:175ef50a-f1e5-4d49-abdb-19b1e38e1dcf">Re: Kids meal dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I mean I know my brother will be 11 or 12 when my wedding happens and knowing how kids even at that age eat (I know my brother hates adult food) just explain to the parents that you have kids meals meant for kids under a certain age for a reason.
Posted by amorg334[/QUOTE]
She didn't put an age limit on the invitation, so it's probably awkward for OP to go call the mother and inform her that her daughter is still a kid. The 12 year old (and her mother) perhaps do not consider her a "kid" and chose the meal the 12 year old preferred preferred.

katehar01 · July 2012

Definitely speak to your venue - if it's in PA, like mine, I was told that they are required by law to provide a reduced price for people under 21. It's not right for you to pay for the bar for someone who can't drink.
Granted, the "reduced price" for our venue is $80, but every little bit helps...

EK2013 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-meal-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1a88ced-a219-4319-9fb5-938026532dc1Post:4c8ce968-927c-4c41-9655-6759c78ec42e">Re: Kids meal dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Kids meal dilemma : I would just give her a kid's meal. I had emailed the parents of the children and said a child's meal would be served. One family picked adult meals for their children. I gave them kid's meals. I had a guest request gluten-free food. Another parent requested vegetarian kids meals. Nope. Sorry everyone. Its just what's on the response card.
Posted by lily_721[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm a little puzzled by your answer. You mean you told people that you don't care about their dietary needs?</div>

MrsGandthebeag · July 2012

From $30 to $120 is a lot of money. What is the kids meal? I would probably call them up and tell them what the kids meal is and see if she changes her mind. Just give them more info, maybe they'll reconsider. If not, oh well.

kcscejal · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-meal-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1a88ced-a219-4319-9fb5-938026532dc1Post:4c8ce968-927c-4c41-9655-6759c78ec42e">Re: Kids meal dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Kids meal dilemma : I would just give her a kid's meal. I had emailed the parents of the children and said a child's meal would be served. One family picked adult meals for their children. I gave them kid's meals. I had a guest request gluten-free food. Another parent requested vegetarian kids meals. Nope. Sorry everyone. Its just what's on the response card.
Posted by lily_721[/QUOTE]
<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" />Gluten free and vegetarian are dietary needs that you really should have accommodated.

kipnus · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-meal-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1a88ced-a219-4319-9fb5-938026532dc1Post:4c8ce968-927c-4c41-9655-6759c78ec42e">Re: Kids meal dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Kids meal dilemma : I would just give her a kid's meal. I had emailed the parents of the children and said a child's meal would be served. One family picked adult meals for their children. I gave them kid's meals. I had a guest request gluten-free food. Another parent requested vegetarian kids meals. Nope. Sorry everyone. Its just what's on the response card.
Posted by lily_721[/QUOTE]

<div>Yikes! Vegetarian and gluten-free diets are becoming more and more common and should definitely be accomodated. I've never come across a catering company that wasn't able to provide these options. </div>

VeggieLove1022 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-meal-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1a88ced-a219-4319-9fb5-938026532dc1Post:4c8ce968-927c-4c41-9655-6759c78ec42e">Re: Kids meal dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Kids meal dilemma : I would just give her a kid's meal. I had emailed the parents of the children and said a child's meal would be served. One family picked adult meals for their children. I gave them kid's meals. I had a guest request gluten-free food. Another parent requested vegetarian kids meals. Nope. Sorry everyone. Its just what's on the response card.
Posted by lily_721[/QUOTE]

<div>This is incredibly inconsiderate of you.</div>

pokepoke27 · July 2012

I think most caterers these days actually try to make sure that there is some food that someone with extreme food allergies can eat.

I had a guest tell me at the reception that his date had a gluten allergy. My caterer had plenty of food that was gluten free for her to eat - and I had previously told him that none of my guests had any special dietary needs.

Summer2011Bride · July 2012

OP, I would give her the meal she put down (the crab cakes) but ask your venue about a discount since she won't be drinking alcohol. We also just listed it on our RSVP cards as something like, "Please let us know how many children's meals you would like" or something, no age limit. We had some people with kids around 9 or 10 request the adult meal so that's what they got. I don't think there's a polite way to say, "Well actually I'd like for your child to eat the kids' meal," KWIM?

J&K10910 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-meal-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1a88ced-a219-4319-9fb5-938026532dc1Post:4c8ce968-927c-4c41-9655-6759c78ec42e">Re: Kids meal dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Kids meal dilemma : I would just give her a kid's meal. I had emailed the parents of the children and said a child's meal would be served. One family picked adult meals for their children. I gave them kid's meals. I had a guest request gluten-free food. Another parent requested vegetarian kids meals. Nope. Sorry everyone. Its just what's on the response card.
Posted by lily_721[/QUOTE]

You do realize that feeding someone with Celiac Disease food with gluten (especially if it's something where the gluten isn't obvious--and therefore can't be avoided...not to mention the cross contamination) can make them violently ill, and cause their own body to attack their small intestine, yes?

tracym77 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-meal-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1a88ced-a219-4319-9fb5-938026532dc1Post:4c8ce968-927c-4c41-9655-6759c78ec42e">Re: Kids meal dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Kids meal dilemma : I would just give her a kid's meal. I had emailed the parents of the children and said a child's meal would be served. One family picked adult meals for their children. I gave them kid's meals. I had a guest request gluten-free food. Another parent requested vegetarian kids meals. <span style="font-weight:bold;"> Nope. Sorry everyone</span>. <strong>Its just what's on the response card.</strong>
Posted by lily_721[/QUOTE]

Why? Are you just trying to find ways to be a bad host? I'm sure your caterer can easily accommodate those common dietary restrictions. It shouldn't be a big deal. I think you might want to reconsider.

crash2729 · July 2012

We had H's half brothers RSVP for regular meals. Because I didn't realize they were so young (they live out of state, we're not close) I had H call and ask if they would rather have a Kids meal. The 7 year old wanted a Kids meal, the 12 year old wanted an adult meal.

I think 12 years old is old enough to have an adult meal.

tracym77 · July 2012

Oops! I got caught up on that comment and didn't even make it to all the tickers.

J&K10910 · July 2012

And also? I stopped eating off the kids' menu when I was 9. I would have been PISSED (and so would my parents) if you had forced me to eat chicken fingers and soggy fries when I was 12.

libby2483 · July 2012

If it makes you feel better one of my family members ordered a top sirloin for his two year old because he is a big eater. I just let it go because it wasn't worth a disagreement.

NOLAbridealmost · July 2012

Shame on anyone who won't accommodate vegetarian or gluten free requests. It's also pretty crappy to second-guess a 12 year old's choosing the adult meal. Most 12 year olds are well past the "I'll only eat chicken fingers" stage. I was always so insulted when waitresses would ask if I wanted a kid's menu when I was that age; I am sure this girl (and her parents) would be insulted if you called up and said she's got to have the kid's meal.

lyndausvi · July 2012

I see 5 years old eating sushi. I'm fairly certain a 12 year is old enough to know if they want crab cakes or not.

I think it's pretty silly to make a kid of any age eat a certain meal. Some parents don't like to feed their kids crap food like chicken tenders and fries.

I think of a kids meal is just an option, just like a vegetarian meal is an option.

Simply Fated · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kids-meal-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d1a88ced-a219-4319-9fb5-938026532dc1Post:f966ce48-f0b9-42f5-bdf9-6b2593004c3b">Re: Kids meal dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I see 5 years old eating sushi. I'm fairly certain a 12 year is old enough to know if they want crab cakes or not. I think it's pretty silly to make a kid of any age eat a certain meal. Some parents don't like to feed their kids crap food like chicken tenders and fries. I think of a kids meal is just an option, just like a vegetarian meal is an option.
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
I agree with you completely. Chicken fingers and french fries is just a plate of fried junk food. Tasty and delicious, but I try to stay away from those options, if at all possible.
Since I know plenty of adults that would prefer chicken fingers to crab cakes, I also think of the kids meal as just another option.

We're totally guessing, of course, that the standard kids meal is chicken fingers. I know at most places it is and the only thing I've seen different is macaroni and cheese or spaghetti, which are also options some kids might not go for, but some adults might prefer.

saranandy · July 2012

Telling guests with dietary restrictions that you will not accomodate them is telling them that they may plan on going hungry. Really not okay. Just saying.

J&K10910 · July 2012

If I asked for a gluten free meal and you denied me, I would show up with my own food. And eat it in front of everyone. And it would be awesome. (Not you, OP, the bitchass that did that)

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