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Something to discuss...

So I received this message in an email this morning and thought it was an interesting perspective:

Here are the top 10 ways people give away their power:

1. Asking others what they should do.
2. Thinking God decides who gets what.
3. Worrying about how their dream will come true.
4. Thinking they have dues to pay.
5. Attaching to unimportant details and outcomes.
6. Believing in soul mates.
7. Thinking karma or spiritual contracts are absolute.
8. Fear of anything, especially falling in love.
9. Waiting for their ducks to line up before acting.
10. Choosing to be unhappy.

There are definitely a couple points on here that I had pretty strong reactions to. After thinking about this for a bit though, I have to admit that I do kind of agree these are all ways we "give up our power". I suppose it begs the question though...Is giving up your power always a bad thing?

I don't know if anyone wants to get into anything this deep or potentially heated this morning...but since it's been slow around here I thought i'd post. Curious to hear everyone's thoughts!

Re: Something to discuss...

  • I worry about studly and #9. It seems like he has a difficult time acting sometimes because he's so worried it won't be perfect and won't work... which means he spends a lot of time worrying and not doing. I don't think there's any problem with #1 so long as you're soliciting suggestions not instructions. You can evaluate people's suggestions and decide whether to take them, but there's a difference between listening to advice and selecting what's best for you based off the advice and your own needs/wants/opinions (even if that means completing disregarding the advice).
  • I don't think giving up power is a bad thing.as long as it's not done all the time.  There is a fine line between giving up all power and also trying to control everything that happens to you.  A happy mediums is best.

    I don't think I fall into any of these too much.  Sometimes I fall into #2 and letting things go and believe God has a plan for me and a timing for everything.  Although sometimes I can get swept up into the unimportant details of life as well.  Sometimes BF is uncaring about making decision but mostly on small stuff like choosing where to eat for dinner or something, but he always says the big things in life he does care about he will make decisions on. 

    Anniversary

  • edited June 2012
    Here are the top 10 ways people give away their power:

    1. Asking others what they should do.
    2. Thinking God decides who gets what.
    3. Worrying about how their dream will come true.
    4. Thinking they have dues to pay.
    5. Attaching to unimportant details and outcomes.
    6. Believing in soul mates.
    7. Thinking karma or spiritual contracts are absolute.
    8. Fear of anything, especially falling in love.
    9. Waiting for their ducks to line up before acting.
    10. Choosing to be unhappy.

    I fell into the #1 too many times when trying to decide what to do as far as grad school/law school/business school decisions, now I've made my own decision and am very happy because whether we like it or not everyone has an opinion. I also fall into #8, not in love, but in other things fear of rejection blah blah blah. Other than that I don't really fall into any other catagory, but I do hate it when people believe in 'soul mates' its a crazy notion that is probably why we have a 50% divorce rate. People don't understand that marriage takes work and there is no such thing as your 'perfect soul mate' it is a choice, so make it and stick with it!
  • GoldenPenguinGoldenPenguin Upstate NY mod
    Moderator Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    You get Notes from the Universe too!!! :-)



    *******************************************************************************************




    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

  • I'd like to add # 11. Letting other people set your metrics of success

    I've struggled with some of these but have worked pretty hard to see them for what they are and not let my balance get so far out of whack. In grad school I was far too willing to let other people tell me what to do, set my metrics, and I wasn't possible of 'paying enough dues', but that was crap. I've also pushed myself to be too independent and that led to being unwilling to let people support/help me. Now I'm shooting for the happy medium.

    This is super interesting. I spend a lot of time thinking about this stuff. I'm glad to hear other people do too!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_something-to-discuss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:c09f514d-a121-4a06-8248-83bb0dee7e65Post:ad41d4db-94de-4a38-932c-94dd5dab1495">Re: Something to discuss...</a>:
    [QUOTE]You get Notes from the Universe too!!! :-)
    Posted by BriSox81[/QUOTE]

    I don't get them...but my mom does! She forwards on the ones she likes. I think they're usually pretty thought provoking. Where do you sign up for them? I've always wondered how she found it, but just never asked her. Funny that you knew where it came from!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_something-to-discuss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:c09f514d-a121-4a06-8248-83bb0dee7e65Post:c23dfaed-eaf4-498e-ade3-f1b5b1db9928">Re: Something to discuss...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd like to add # 11. Letting other people set your metrics of success I've struggled with some of these but have worked pretty hard to see them for what they are and not let my balance get so far out of whack. In grad school I was far too willing to let other people tell me what to do, set my metrics, and I wasn't possible of 'paying enough dues', but that was crap. I've also pushed myself to be too independent and that led to being unwilling to let people support/help me. Now I'm shooting for the happy medium. <strong>This is super interesting. I spend a lot of time thinking about this stuff. I'm glad to hear other people do too!
    </strong>Posted by anssett[/QUOTE]

    I'm glad you think so anssett! I like your addition also. I've always enjoyed discussion topics that make you look at life differently. I think it's healthy to re-evaluate yourself and your ideas. For some reason this list just struck me this morning. I'm glad others are enjoying being a little introspective today as well!
  • yes I wonder where you get them from too.  I thought it was very interesting thought provoking.  I don't believe in soul mates either, you choose to love someone and make the relationship work through ups and downs.  There might be a person better suited out there for you-  yes, but you can make a choice to make it work with someone.  Instead of trying to find that one in a billion person who is your soulmate.

    The add #11 is interesting too, I am very guilty of that- letting others or what is going on is someone else's life, be a measure for my successes or failures.  It can be hard, especially as someone NEY.

    Anniversary

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Those are interesting. My best friend has an aunt who is extremely obese but she won't do anything about it and just tells people that God wants her to be fat. I hate that sort of attitude.

    BF definitely falls into #9 a lot. It can be a good thing and a bad thing. He isn't very impulsive but I'm not sure if that means he is giving his power away. I think it depends on if the individuals is putting his/her ducks in a row or is waiting for them to fall into place.

    I would change #1 to letting others tell you what to do. I don't think you give up any power by listening to other opinions on things.


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_something-to-discuss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c09f514d-a121-4a06-8248-83bb0dee7e65Post:dd7a9b66-4fe8-4d32-bc79-f552be258a89">Re: Something to discuss...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think giving up power is a bad thing.as long as it's not done all the time.  There is a fine line between giving up all power and also trying to control everything that happens to you.  A happy mediums is best. I don't think I fall into any of these too much.  Sometimes I fall into #2 and letting things go and believe God has a plan for me and a timing for everything.  Although sometimes I can get swept up into the unimportant details of life as well.  Sometimes BF is uncaring about making decision but mostly on small stuff like choosing where to eat for dinner or something, but he always says the big things in life he does care about he will make decisions on. 
    Posted by danser55[/QUOTE]

    ^This.  I've always believed that the happiest and most sucessful relationships involve equal amounts of give-and-take; relationships (be they marital, courtship or friendship) are doomed to fail if one part of the relationship surrenders themself entirely to the other party-  the "giver" never has the opportunity to grow and assert themselves, and the person with all the power soon forgets how to compromise when compromise is necessary.

    That said, I fall prey to #2 sometimes- I just assume that whatever happens is beyond my control, instead of trying to take initiative and make my own breaks.

    Great food for thought- thanks for sharing OP!
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