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I don't like my wedding ring!

FutureMrsJGravesFutureMrsJGraves
First Comment
in Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
My FH bought my ring and proposed to me, it is a solitare princess cut, but it doesnt look right on my finger... I thought it would grow on me, I gave it 6 months and I really did try, but I just can't warm up to it. I thought it was tradition to just suck it up and grin and bare it, but my friend told me that I should talk to him and see if I could get a different one. When I asked (In the politest way possible) he got insulted and said that it was the ring he bought for me, and that was that. So was I right, should I have not said anything and let what I thought was tradition happen, or should I have gone with what my friend told me, and been truthful?
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Re: I don't like my wedding ring!

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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    This is such a hard situation.  It's so difficult to tell someone you don't like the gift they picked out for you, and even more when it's this kind of gift.  I'm sure he put a lot of time and effort into picking it out, and it's probably really hurting his feelings to hear you don't like it.

    I know you said wedding ring, but I think you're really talking about your engagement ring, right?  So you'll be adding a wedding ring when you get married next year?  If that's the case, I'd suggest that the two of you plan to go shopping together for the wedding bands.  When you add another ring, you should be able to find a design that will compliment the ring you have, but still be a design that fits your hand a little better.  If I'm totally misunderstanding, then just ignore this.
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    FutureMrsJGravesFutureMrsJGraves
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    Yeah, I saw that, I meant engament ring,
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Ok, that's what I thought from context.  You probably can come up with a way to pair it with a wedding band that you'll really like.
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    On_Cloud_NineOn_Cloud_Nine member
    First Comment
    I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and I really don't know what to tell you either.

    I wanted to agree that you could pair the ring with a wedding band that is going to look better on your finger.

    Also, because it is a solitare, you could look into getting a wrap to enhance the look of the ring without having to buy a new engagement ring all together. A wrap will go around the diamond, and should help it look better on your finger.

    I hope it works out for you.
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    future-mrsfuture-mrs member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    It's a solitaire, you have LOTS of options to dress it up so-to-speak.  There are a gazillion gorgeous "wraps" that will go around a solitaire and dress up a single diamond into something fancier.  Or when you go to do your wedding band shopping...talk to your FI and the sales person about putting your center stone into a new mounting.  Not sure if your FI will be insulted by that but a lot of FI's just buy a solitaire diamoned e-ring so that their future bride-to-be's can re-mount it into something they want.

    Otherwise, try to talk to your FI later once he's cooled off, and be sure to add you love him and you LOVE your DIAMOND, you would just love it more in a little fancier setting or with a fancier wrap around it....  He *should* try and understand...you are, after all, getting married.  Compromise, compromise ;)  GL!
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    MorfuddMorfudd member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    We had my ring re-set, for various reasons. It worked out as a first-anniversary-of-the-engagement & my-birthday present, and it was honestly one of the hardest things we've done as a couple. (It didn't help that it came out that I wanted to change it in the midst of a HUGE bout of PMS and post 1 martini). The fiance says that he has never been more mortified and ashamed than when we went to the jeweler to talk to him about a new setting. There were tears and cursing and many, many days of him catching me looking at the old setting and sighing, before we finally got to that point, though.

    Specific reasons why this ended up, after all the struggle, working for us: I loved the diamond itself, and didn't mind that it was smaller than is trendy at the moment. I had very specific ideas about wanting hand-engraving on the band, which he hadn't understood (we ended up, at his suggestion, having the new setting designed and custom made for us, and we both love it!). The old ring was an odd shape that wouldn't allow for the addition of a decorative wrap or, really, any complementary wedding ring... and, finally, he was making more money the second year of our engagement than the first, and he wanted the new setting to reflect that.

    That's just my experience... I can't give you any advice (the wrap ideas sound good), just a reminder about HOW MUCH PRESSURE these poor gentlemen have on them.
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    psichickpsichick
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dont-like-wedding-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:270d54a2-4850-434d-b9cc-db967b580cb5Post:7b8162cb-42da-473a-9faf-f5ba3ea61feb">Re: I don't like my wedding ring!</a>:
    [QUOTE]There are acouple of things wrong with it, but I really wasnt trying to complain, but the whole of it doesn't sit well on my finger,<strong> meaning that my finger over shadows the ring, I even had someone ask me if it was just a promise ring</strong>... I am sure it would look good on someone who had shorter, slimmer fingers than me, but after we got it resized so it would fit my hand, its just looks like I have too much finger for the ring. We have the money to resell it, and get a different one, but he doesn't want to hear about it, so I haven't pressed the issue.
    Posted by FutureMrsJGraves[/QUOTE]

    so in other words you're complaining that the diamond is too small
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    MorfuddMorfudd member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_dont-like-wedding-ring?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:270d54a2-4850-434d-b9cc-db967b580cb5Post:21a5a5ab-3f56-4b3f-a1f5-c4d7e9fc6575">Re: I don't like my wedding ring!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I don't like my wedding ring! : so in other words you're complaining that the diamond is too small
    Posted by psichick[/QUOTE]

    This thought had crossed my mind, as well.
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    FutureMrsJGravesFutureMrsJGraves
    First Comment
    No the diamond is fine, but its a princess cut set into a flat band. When I am talking about the ring, I mean the setting and the cut of the stone, not the size of the diamond.

    Thank you girls for advice, I spoke to him about getting a wrap or something that fits with the engagement ring, as a wedding band, he begrudingly agreed, so as long as its something that can fit the ring, it should be all good.


    As for him asking what I liked, he didn't, but he went with what he did know, and he did pick out a nice ring based on that.
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    MorfuddMorfudd member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Oh, I see, so the surface is flush with the ring? Like this?




    (Baby ring with my birthstone, which was the example I had to hand.)

    Sorry not to have understood your terms-- I'm bad with jewelry vocabulary. I'm glad you've reached a good compromise.
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    SteveandKrisSteveandKris member
    First Comment
    You might want to think about removing your FIs full name from you siggy and creating a user name without his last name in it.  The internet is not safe... not even here.

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    lilyrose2010lilyrose2010
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    While your fiance may have been initially hurt, you did the right thing by being honest with him.  There is a chance that he may need time to let the idea sink in, and eventually realize that he wants his future wife to love looking at her finger every day (especially if he spent his hard-earned money on it).  In that case, you can take the stone he picked out for you and choose a setting that you both like. 

    But if he doesn't bring it up again, consider this one of your first compromises as a couple.  Realize that you can choose the wedding band of your dreams, and perhaps even find one that wraps around your diamond.  Some men give their wives anniversary diamond bands that are placed on top of their engagment ring (something to hint at in the future, perhaps?).  With all of these options, you are sure to find a combination you love, using the original ring.  Remember that at the end of the day, it is what the ring symbolizes that is the most important thing. 

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    CaptiolBrideCaptiolBride
    First Comment
    I agree. When you're getting married you should definately be able to talk about most if not everything. (my opinion). However, he has clearly stated his opinions about the ring and took offense. I think you should leave it alone for a while... and do any upgrade later.  Sounds like you want more/bigger diamonds and maybe he just doesn't have the budget for it. Don't make him feel bad about getting you the most beautiful thing he that he picked out for you.  Try for an upgrade in a couple years for an anniversary.
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