Dutch Treat Post-wedding Brunch?

sarahclingman · December 2011

We're having a DW and want to have a brunch the day after so all of our friends and family can spend some time together before going back to their respective homes. Ideally I'd like to ask our guests to chip in $10pp for the brunch which will be a big spread of food w/ mimosas, beer & wine. We're hosting a dinner & 4 hour bar the night before, so it isn't like we aren't hosting anything.

Any suggestions on how to phrase this to our guests?

Rosie109 · December 2011

BYOM?

BRING YOUR OWN MONEY OUR ASSES AREN'T PAYING FOR YOU

ootmother2 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dutch-treat-post-wedding-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:30cb489d-0835-4bb2-b42e-097cf0565095Post:5b12bab0-518b-4218-a3ef-3a91c6fc470e">Re: Dutch Treat Post-wedding Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]BYOM? BRING YOUR OWN MONEY OUR ASSES AREN'T PAYING FOR YOU
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

Rosie says it best

NOLAbridealmost · December 2011

Definitely not okay.

If you invite the guests you've got to pick up the tab.

If you say "hey H and I will be at ______ the next day if anyone wants to stop by" then they can pay their own way. But any "official" wedding related events must be hosted by whoever decides to organize them.

And, Rosie: CQTM

specialk84 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dutch-treat-post-wedding-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:30cb489d-0835-4bb2-b42e-097cf0565095Post:735c63ff-7b12-458c-88d0-d41a4a2cbcb1">Dutch Treat Post-wedding Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're having a DW and want to have a brunch the day after so all of our friends and family can spend some time together before going back to their respective homes. Ideally I'd like to ask our guests to chip in $10pp for the brunch which will be a big spread of food w/ mimosas, beer & wine. We're hosting a dinner & 4 hour bar the night before, so it isn't like we aren't hosting anything. Any suggestions on how to phrase this to our guests?
Posted by sarahclingman[/QUOTE]

<div>I would not ask guests to pay for that. If you don't want to pay, don't bill it as part of the wedding festivities. Don't send invitations to it. If someone asks what your plans are for the following morning, you can say, "H and I are going to be having brunch at ____, probably around 10. I've heard some of the other guests were planning on eating there, too."</div>

ootmother2 · December 2011

btw, the answer is no, that's rude no matter what you paid for the day before.

One way around it is to just mention that a bunch of you are getting together at XYZ around noon and anyone wanting to join in would be welcome.

btw, breakfast is cheap if you skip the booze. I think. I seldom skip the booze with my breakfast so you may check

NOLAbridealmost · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dutch-treat-post-wedding-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:30cb489d-0835-4bb2-b42e-097cf0565095Post:2e685495-3be1-484d-bd5b-f32589df3440">Re: Dutch Treat Post-wedding Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE] btw, breakfast is cheap if you skip the booze. I think. I seldom skip the booze with my breakfast so you may check
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

<div>Teeheehee.</div>

mica178 · December 2011

I would love to have breakfast with oot.

staceycaine · December 2011

People who have answered so far are wise. However, I will say that even saying "We'll be having lunch at ___ tomorrow if you want to come," in my circle, would mean you're payin' for 'em. Or at the very least, they would think MAYBE you are. I know I got together with some family on a birthday once, and I had to pay for my dad and his wife and my grandma, because we "invited" them (phrased exactly as above). Happy birthday to me!

seesawgirl · December 2011

Is this brunch to be held at your home or a restaurant? At your home, if you host something, you're just going to come off as rude if you ask people to pay for their meal. You dont host events that you can't afford. If it is at a restaurant, it's different. At some point, your family should be in the same room, and you could make an announcement saying something like "we'd like to spend time with you all after all the excitement is over with, H and I would like to invite you to join us for brunch at (whatever place you have in mind) They have great food, and very reasonable prices." That gets the message across that it's optional, and that you aren't responsible for the tab.

Kate61487 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dutch-treat-post-wedding-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:30cb489d-0835-4bb2-b42e-097cf0565095Post:2e685495-3be1-484d-bd5b-f32589df3440">Re: Dutch Treat Post-wedding Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]btw, breakfast is cheap if you skip the booze. I think. I seldom skip the booze with my breakfast so you may check
Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

bahaha, I love that. For real though, breakfast can be done really cheap. Get some donuts or bagels and some juice

NOLAbridealmost · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dutch-treat-post-wedding-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:30cb489d-0835-4bb2-b42e-097cf0565095Post:92e3d384-178a-4354-832d-87ad6486f420">Re: Dutch Treat Post-wedding Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is this brunch to be held at your home or a restaurant? At your home, if you host something, you're just going to come off as rude if you ask people to pay for their meal. You dont host events that you can't afford. If it is at a restaurant, it's different. At some point, your family should be in the same room, and you could make an announcement saying something like "we'd like to spend time with you all after all the excitement is over with, H and I would like to invite you to join us for brunch at (whatever place you have in mind) They have great food, and very reasonable prices." That gets the message across that it's optional, and that you aren't responsible for the tab.
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]

<div>No....sorry, I think making a big announcement (especially with the "we want to spend time with you" part) really puts people on the spot and implies that you expect them to come. Discreetly telling people individually that the B&G are going to be somewhere and leaving it open ended is really the only way to go.</div>

Simply Fated · December 2011

"They have great food, and very reasonable prices." What's reasonable to one person may not be reasonable for another. I'd stick with word of mouth and very casual wording.

ginadog · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dutch-treat-post-wedding-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:30cb489d-0835-4bb2-b42e-097cf0565095Post:735c63ff-7b12-458c-88d0-d41a4a2cbcb1">Dutch Treat Post-wedding Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're having a DW and want to have a brunch the day after so all of our friends and family can spend some time together before going back to their respective homes. Ideally I'd like to ask our guests to chip in $10pp for the brunch which will be a big spread of food w/ mimosas, beer & wine. We're hosting a dinner & 4 hour bar the night before, so it isn't like we aren't hosting anything. Any suggestions on how to phrase this to our guests?
Posted by sarahclingman[/QUOTE]

I too had some questions on how to get together with guests for a DW wedding. We are going to have a casual pizza party in the park (a really cool park) on Friday night for our welcome dinner (we'll host). Pavilion rental is $25, pizzas and drinks will be like $300 we think.

Then for Sunday, we are thinking of taking people white water rafting. However, logistically if 40 people sign up, we might need to consider a different activity or we'll try to barter and get a group discount rate from a rafting company (instead of me and my friends taking our own rafts with guests).

If in the end I didn't think I could pop for it all, I'd probably say it casually as "Hey all, we're going to do this after the wedding. Join us if you want!" However, I already put it on my wedding website that we're thinking of a Sunday group activity so I'm kind of stuck hosting that one too I imagine!

sweetcanadian1979 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dutch-treat-post-wedding-brunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:30cb489d-0835-4bb2-b42e-097cf0565095Post:1b3a0ce2-f133-40a1-9ba8-25ed5c5d3d31">Re: Dutch Treat Post-wedding Brunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Just don't do it. When you have a DW you are already asking people to pay to come all the way to your location and pay for their own lodging. You should throw either a welcome or rehearsal dinner or do the brunch the day after as a thank to everyone for coming as well as doing the dinner and reception on your wedding day. It really is the least that you can do. If you can't afford to do that then just do your own thing and don't ask people to join you. I am sure that you can think of a way to lower your budget in some other small way to pay for the $10/head brunch though. </strong>
Posted by spikeinc[/QUOTE]

<div>all of that, i am sorry but i think you are extremely selfish if you expect guests to shell out airfare/lodging/meals then have to pay for a post wedding get together as well. I get you made it cheaper for yourselves by having a destination wedding but you made it more expensive for your guests as is so asking them to shell out more for a wedding related event is tacky imo. Pay for them, it won't be that expensive. </div>

chattychiqa · December 2011

We were told in an invite that the hotel had breakfast at 9 o'clock for $10 a person, that they'd be there if anyone would like to sit with them. I didn't side eye that at all, but it's nothing I would do myself.

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