Wedding Etiquette Forum

UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ

I would write this entire post in shouty caps.  I know it would make this unreadable though so here is the update:

FI got an EMAIL THIS MORNING from FBIL.  It says:


Hi – I’m going to send back the RSVP today – it was in the pile of bills… XXXXXX and XXXXXX want to go to the reception; we will most likely have XXXXXXXX (the baby sitter) pick them up around 7:30 or 8:00.. is that cool?

I LOST IT.  Absolutely went nuts in my office on the phone with my FI.  Yes, please darling FBIL, have the kids come and then leave in the middle of dinner.  Totally fine!  It's your day!  Forget about your brother and new sister in law's wishes.  NO PROBLEM.

FI is telling him again that children aren't invited.

Vent over.  Going to find a midol and some chocolate.

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Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ

  • WTF?  I'm telling you, they are coming with those kids no matter what!  I hope they don't, but I'm laying odds they will! I can't wait to find out. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I swear on everything holy that FBIL and FSIL should stay WAY far away from me until then.

    Additionally, FI was like well, this certainly will make the relationship frosty.  I was like: it's ALREADY frosty.  The only time since August that FI has seen the kids was at Christmas.  Mind you he has been home from Ireland 4 times for at least a week each time.  Did FBIL or FSIL make a point to visit with us and bring the kids? NO.  Did they even come to the engagment party?  NO.  The kids had SOCCER THAT DAY.

    So angry so angry.
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  • Yep. The kids are definitely showing up. I agree with a PP the other day about not making accommodations for them. I know it's not the kids fault but FBIL needs to learn that he can't just use the kids to get his way.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:04dd4438-148e-486c-a2c2-4789b2729b92">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]I swear on everything holy that FBIL and FSIL should stay WAY far away from me until then. Additionally, FI was like well, this certainly will make the relationship frosty.  I was like: it's ALREADY frosty.  The only time since August that FI has seen the kids was at Christmas.  Mind you he has been home from Ireland 4 times for at least a week each time.  Did FBIL or FSIL make a point to visit with us and bring the kids? NO.  Did they even come to the engagment party?  NO.  The kids had SOCCER THAT DAY. So angry so angry.
    Posted by rachelm13[/QUOTE]

    Yes the kids are going to come, I agree with PP.  However, I don't agree that you shoudln't be prepared for them to come.  That is horrible to the kids.  I don't understand why this would be SUCH A BIG DEAL anyway, they are his nephews!  This is not that big of a deal, definately not a situatuon that should work you into such a frenzy.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
  • Ew.  That sucks.  Well, I wouldn't respond to the "is that cool?" part, because it is definitely NOT COOL.  However, I would make the room for the kids, because they are going to come.  What a lame @$$.

    image

    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:9ddcc99a-bb72-46e9-af08-89a8c54956f7">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ : Yes the kids are going to come, I agree with PP.  However, I don't agree that you shoudln't be prepared for them to come.  That is horrible to the kids.  I don't understand why this would be SUCH A BIG DEAL anyway, they are his nephews!  This is not that big of a deal, definately not a situatuon that should work you into such a frenzy. 
    Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>It's a big deal b/c they don't want kids at their wedding, and her fiance's brother (and presumably sister-in-law as well) are flat out ignoring the wishes of the couple and trying to force their kids there. It's disrespectful. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Wow. Totally not proper but I'd be tempted to send them a bill afterwards for their uninvited kids.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:38dc0f7d-a3ed-4789-8730-5c4d83ff08db">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ : It's a big deal b/c they don't want kids at their wedding, and her fiance's brother (and presumably sister-in-law as well) are flat out ignoring the wishes of the couple and trying to force their kids there. It's disrespectful. 
    Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

    It is disrespectful, I agree.  I am wondering why FBIL is still insisting the kids come if FI has been insistant and crystal clear the kiddos won't be welcomed at all and possibly thrown out?  Maybe FBIL is doing this on purpose to p!ss her off?  I don't know.  It doesn't seem to add up.

    If my sister told me my kids weren't welcomed at her wedding, I wouldn't go either.  I wouldn't force my kids there, I just wouldn't go and probably never speak to my sister again.  There has to be something that we all are missing.  Are FBIL and FSIL hard of hearing?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:95383154-6a3d-47b1-883a-ef299f21470d">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]If my sister told me my kids weren't welcomed at her wedding, I wouldn't go either.  I wouldn't force my kids there, I just wouldn't go and probably never speak to my sister again.  Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

    You'd cut ties with family if your children aren't invited to a party? That seems a bit over the top. I can understand not going if you don't want to be there without your children, but to take it out on an adult who chooses to have an "adults only" wedding seems a bit drastic.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • misshart00misshart00 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2013
    In Response to Re:UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ:If my sister told me my kids weren't welcomed at her wedding, I wouldn't go either.nbsp; I wouldn't force my kids there, I just wouldn't go and probably never speak to my sister again.nbsp; Posted by antibride2013You'd cut ties with family if your children aren't invited to a party? That seems a bit over the top. I can understand not going if you don't want to be there without your children, but to take it out on an adult who chooses to have an "adults only" wedding seems a bit drastic. Posted by msuprincess04[/QUOTE]

    I agree with msuprincess. I really don't like when people can't go anywhere without their precious little kids. Kids are not always welcome everywhere. It's life.

    I also don't think there's more to the story other than FBIL just wanting to be a jerk.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:95383154-6a3d-47b1-883a-ef299f21470d">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ : If my sister told me my kids weren't welcomed at her wedding, I wouldn't go either.  I wouldn't force my kids there, I just wouldn't go and probably never speak to my sister again.
    Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

    What? If your sister chose that she wanted an adult event (either for space, cost, atmosphere or just plain personal preference), you wouldn't talk to her ever again?
    Ummm... kids aren't welcome everywhere. That's a fact of life. Not every wedding is a family reunion. What an incredibly self-centered attitude.

    My opinion... if the kids come, instruct the kitchen to give the parents' meals to them instead. I also like the separate table idea.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:dd281a61-06ba-447a-89aa-4db946bb390a">Re:UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ: I agree with msuprincess. I really don't like when people can't go anywhere without their precious little kids. Kids are not always welcome everywhere. It's life. I also don't think there's more to the story other than FBIL just wanting to be a jerk.
    Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

    I go plenty of places without my kids.  I rarely take them to weddings of friends, etc even when they are invited.  What I am talking about is FAMILY.  Yes I would not speak to my sister if she didn't invite her nephews to her wedding.  I know that would never happen because of the way we were raised, and maybe that is why I feel that way.  Family is everything to us.  Yes, I flew across the country to be at my nieces' first birthday parties, and they flew across the country to be at my kids birthday parties.  That is what we do. 

    I am definately NOT the "oh my kids have to go everywhere".  Heck if I was like that, I wouldn't have a "man-ny" on speed dial!!!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:4a2500e8-0ebf-41c1-a30a-4c7afb73c556">Re:UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ : I go plenty of places without my kids.  I rarely take them to weddings of friends, etc even when they are invited.  What I am talking about is FAMILY.  Yes I would not speak to my sister if she didn't invite her nephews to her wedding.  I know that would never happen because of the way we were raised, and maybe that is why I feel that way.  Family is everything to us.  Yes, I flew across the country to be at my nieces' first birthday parties, and they flew across the country to be at my kids birthday parties.  That is what we do.  I am definately NOT the "oh my kids have to go everywhere".  Heck if I was like that, I wouldn't have a "man-ny" on speed dial!!!
    Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

    Slow clap and an award for you. 

    This is about <strong><u>etiquette</u></strong>. 

    WE followed all the rules, did and said the correct things and they are still being d!cks.

    Oh and PS:  It's spelled DEFINITELY.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:95383154-6a3d-47b1-883a-ef299f21470d">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ : It is disrespectful, I agree.  I am wondering why FBIL is still insisting the kids come if FI has been insistant and crystal clear the kiddos won't be welcomed at all and possibly thrown out?  Maybe FBIL is doing this on purpose to p!ss her off?  I don't know.  It doesn't seem to add up. If my sister told me my kids weren't welcomed at her wedding, I wouldn't go either.  I wouldn't force my kids there, I just wouldn't go and probably never speak to my sister again.  There has to be something that we all are missing.  Are FBIL and FSIL hard of hearing?
    Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

    Really? That seems dramatic. My brother's kids aren't invited to my wedding. He could care less, he gets a night out. Not everyone- even family, wants kids around that they are related to all the time. It's just incredibly selfish to assume that, no one wants your kids around as much as you.

    That sucks OP about your FBIL. Hopefully you guys can talk some sense into him. I agree with Stage though, if they show up- don't cater to them. The kids won't know any difference if you tell their parents you can't acocmodate them so they will probably have to leave. But, maybe give them a heads up- tell them, hey if you do show up with your kids, we won't be able to provide for them so you'll probably have to leave and we wouldn't want that...
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  • <div align="left"><div align="left"><div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:a6a1cedb-5184-43ff-b030-5c7fe6a06cda">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, sorry, but anyone who would cut ties with their family over not having their kids invited to ONE party is a serious drama queen.  Have you NEVER gone anywhere without your kids?  If I have a birthday party for H, am I supposed to avoid any over 21 locations so that I can ensure his nieces and nephews will be able to join us for a night of partying?  What the hell, man?
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    Yes Stage, I go plenty of places without my kids.  Heck they are getting to the age (12 & 10) that they don't want to go anywhere with ME!!  What I was trying to say is the way my sisters and I were raised is family is everything.  I am not saying that everyone was raised like that, or even if their family was tight growing up, I understand things happen with families and they lose their closeness.  I understand some people are a-okay with not having kids including nieces and nephews at their weddings.  For my family, that is a serious no-go.  And the door swings both ways, If we didn't invite my nephew and my nieces to our wedding, I not only would never hear from my sisters again, but I can pretty much bet my parents would disown me as well.
    </div>
    Heck-  I asked my sister to take my son OUT of her wedding because he was put in a wheelchair 3 weeks before her wedding, and she refused, got extremely mad at me, screamed at me saying it was "HIS DAY".  He was just a RB!
    </div></div>
  • <ul><li>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:4a2500e8-0ebf-41c1-a30a-4c7afb73c556">Re:UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:</li></ul>[QUOTE]In Response to Re:UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ : I go plenty of places without my kids.  I rarely take them to weddings of friends, etc even when they are invited.  What I am talking about is FAMILY.  Yes I would not speak to my sister if she didn't invite her nephews to her wedding.  I know that would never happen because of the way we were raised, and maybe that is why I feel that way.  Family is everything to us.  Yes, I flew across the country to be at my nieces' first birthday parties, and they flew across the country to be at my kids birthday parties.  That is what we do.  I am definately NOT the "oh my kids have to go everywhere".  Heck if I was like that, I wouldn't have a "man-ny" on speed dial!!!
    Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

    I was not invited to my uncle's wedding as a child. The only reason it pissed my mom off is because my aunt's side's nieces and nephews were all invited. Nothing was really said or done about it though. It just was weird.

    Anyway, People are allowed to want no kids events, regardless of if it's a blood relationship. It <u>is</u> forcing your kids on people to say otherwise.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:95383154-6a3d-47b1-883a-ef299f21470d">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ : It is disrespectful, I agree.  I am wondering why FBIL is still insisting the kids come if FI has been insistant and crystal clear the kiddos won't be welcomed at all and possibly thrown out?  Maybe FBIL is doing this on purpose to p!ss her off?  I don't know.  It doesn't seem to add up. If my sister told me my kids weren't welcomed at her wedding, I wouldn't go either.  I wouldn't force my kids there, I just wouldn't go and probably never speak to my sister again.  There has to be something that we all are missing.  Are FBIL and FSIL hard of hearing?
    Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

    <div>I don't think we're missing anything from the story. Some people are just asshats. The same thing happened to my aunt (ironically also named Rachel). Her husband's sister insisted the whole time she would be bringing her kids to the adults-only wedding. And she did.</div><div>
    </div><div>  It's fine if you want to decline, but to never speak to your sister again over it?  Really?  Because they want a child-free event?  Why would you take that as a personal affront or commentary on you or your family?  Not everybody wants kids around all the time, folks!</div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:4a2500e8-0ebf-41c1-a30a-4c7afb73c556">Re:UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ : I go plenty of places without my kids.  I rarely take them to weddings of friends, etc even when they are invited.  What I am talking about is FAMILY.  Yes I would not speak to my sister if she didn't invite her nephews to her wedding.  I know that would never happen because of the way we were raised, and maybe that is why I feel that way.
    Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

    So people who wouldn't invite any kids to a wedding weren't "raised right" ?

    A wedding is not a family reunion. Children of any sort and relation are not required to be there.
    A typical wedding is usually a ceremony that is boring to a lot of children... and depending on the age and temperment of the child, some children end up being very disruptive during it.
    There is often a cocktail hour which the children can't participate in, other than drinking juice which probably ends up costing the hosts of the wedding $3+ per cup.
    There are speeches and spotlight dances which I know as a child I would not have found entertianing.
    There's a meal, which often is not to the tastes of the children (and at my venue the children's meal of chicken finger was $25 a plate. Geez)
    Then there are a bunch of adults sitting around and talking.

    At last there is dancing... but sometimes by the time the dancing happens, it's already almost the children's bedtimes.
    And while it can be cute watching little children run around a dance floor, sometimes the adults want to dance, and sometimes the type of party the hosts want is one where the adults are the ones taking up the floor.


    There is nothing about a wedding that screams "this is a children's event."
    Some weddings are of course way more fun-for-the-whole-family, but not every wedding is like that, nor does it need to be. If a couple and/or the hosts of the wedding would prefer to throw a party that is catered more towards adults, and to best accomplish that involves not inving children who might not enjoy it anyway either to save space, money, or just on principle, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
    And anyone who would try to make waves over the fact that their precious angels weren't invited to something that they weren't required to be invited to, which they might not enjoy anyway, is an entitled drama king/queen.
  • Thank you guys for your support.  Really.  It's been really a nice feeling to know I have this board to express myself.  It also makes me feel less crazy...
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  • Does this guy not want a relationship with you? I don't understand why he's so disrespectful and persistent.

    What does FMIL think? If this were me, I'd be having FI contact his mother to see if she can approach it differently to FBIL so we didn't have to keep stressing over it.

    Kids don't eat much. If they end up showing up with them, which they probably will from the sounds of it, I'd probably let the parents deal with it and share their meals.

    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:e2e24385-6e0e-4222-8ada-705a366d06f8">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ : Yes Stage, I go plenty of places without my kids.  Heck they are getting to the age (12 & 10) that they don't want to go anywhere with ME!!  What I was trying to say is the way my sisters and I were raised is family is everything.  I am not saying that everyone was raised like that, or even if their family was tight growing up, I understand things happen with families and they lose their closeness.  I understand some people are a-okay with not having kids including nieces and nephews at their weddings.  For my family, that is a serious no-go.  <strong>And the door swings both ways, If we didn't invite my nephew and my nieces to our wedding, I not only would never hear from my sisters again, but I can pretty much bet my parents would disown me as well. Heck-  I asked my sister to take my son OUT of her wedding because he was put in a wheelchair 3 weeks before her wedding, and she refused, got extremely mad at me, screamed at me saying it was "HIS DAY".  He was just a RB!</strong>
    Posted by antibride2013[/QUOTE]

    Starting to understand where you got all the drama from....  Close family or not, I don't think most people would react like this.
  • He's got a mean streak.  He has always been like that and always been the one to stir the pot. 

    FMIL and FIs sister are definitely on our side.  FMIL feels that it should be between FI and FBIL.  At 40 something and at 35 they should be able to be adults without FMIL stepping in.

    I forget who said it in the other thread but, essentially they have a sense of entitlement and feel that they birthed the sun and the moon.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:4f9f8f36-1d51-40d0-99a6-8106944fbc23">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ : Starting to understand where you got all the drama from....  Close family or not, I don't think most people would react like this.
    Posted by beardo1111[/QUOTE]

    We are a close family.  Please everyone, I understand my family is way different, and my thinking is different as well.  I am not saying that having no nephews/nieces is bad or that if weddings don't have the kiddos it means you weren't "raised right" as one person said.  I said in MY family.  Like I said I have no problem what so ever leaving my kids to attend events, weddings, conferences, etc.   I am sorry if my statements are coming across wrong.  I am NOT saying this is normal for 99% of the country.  This is how MY family functions. 

    My cousin had a adults only reception out of town, and I declined the invite because I had no one in New York to watch my kids.  I didn't make a fuss about it, etc. And Addie-I guess you are right, if I got all the story about FBIL, he is just being an a$$hat.  (Love that word BTW)

    And Rachel good luck with your FBIL.  I think maybe you should take the lead and call FBIL yourself, sternly and forcefully tell him the kids can't come, shout if you must.  If it comes back on you years from now, all you have to say is "Oh, I think I was PMSing that day.".  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" />
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:d08b493a-346e-4847-9a8d-3d5b8e37d14a">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]He's got a mean streak.  He has always been like that and always been the one to stir the pot.  FMIL and FIs sister are definitely on our side.  FMIL feels that it should be between FI and FBIL.  At 40 something and at 35 they should be able to be adults without FMIL stepping in. I forget who said it in the other thread but, essentially they have a sense of entitlement and<strong> feel that they birthed the sun and the moon.</strong>
    Posted by rachelm13[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>For whatever reason, that had me giggling. I imagined rays of light emerging from her in the hospital room when she gave birth and everyone having to put sunglasses on or something.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:c1ce54f9-77df-4594-8605-1e063994f3c1">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]Antibride, the problem is that you are advising STRANGERS based on YOUR PERSONAL<strong>(and I gotta say slightly odd) family dynamic.</strong> You can't do that.  Your family traditions and feelings do not etiquette make. My family was shocked and insulted to find out that I was planning to have the hired staff cut and serve the cake.  That is an honor to them.  So, I let them serve the cake.  But I DON'T go around warning every bride on here that she had better plan for Aunt Trish and Cousin Susie to do the cake serving or else she is rude and wrong.  That would be idiotic.  
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div align="left">Stage you are absolutely right.  I can't advise strangers on my SERIOUSLY ODD family dynamic.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />  You are correct, I can't go off my personal family experiences.  Because like you said, it would be idiotic.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" /></div>
  • I respect that it appears the majority of PPs are in the "escort them out" category if they arrive with the uninvited kids.  I still think that though it's clearly NOT OP's obligation to do so, that if she feels charitable then the option to seat them in an uninviting/uncomfortable area with the parent's plates (which are already paid for) and kids or adults plates or let them share or whatever should still be considered.  I have seen kids be used as pawns by idiotic, drama queen, cheapskate, control freak parents who will even avoid feeding them beyond one meal that day by telling them they will be able to eat later at the reception. 

    Parents like that could very well be delusional and not believe OP will follow through on their threats and might even cause a scene as their kids begin to cry.  They've already shown their inability to be appropriate by bringing it up to OP as they sat on their laps.  OP should not be held hostage to their antics.  But if kids are standing right in front of me who were at the ceremony and then show up expecting to eat I'm going to feed them if I have it or at the very least give them To-go plates as they are escorted out.  Is it OP's responsibilty? He*& No.  But would I do it?  Yes.  I'm not passing judgment.  That's just my take.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:0b673be8-4638-4817-b6b8-d6180a8705fb">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ : Actually, I said that if I tried to advise people based on MY odd family it would be idiotic, but thanks for trying to make others believe I insulted you. Everything else is true.  I am right.  You shouldn't advise strangers of general etiquette because of your particular situation.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    <div align="left">You didn't insult me.  I do have a seriously odd family, I guess I read what you wrote wrong.  I was agreeing with you, 100%.  </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:92bb2211-1858-4afa-b900-22c98d0936af">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]Rachel, why don't you or FI just nip it in the bud and email him back and say no for the tenth time?  I would write, "<strong>As has been previously discussed on numerous occassions, the children cannot be accomodated at the wedding. You will need to make appropriate arrangements with your sitter. We hope to see you and FSIL at the wedding. We will have two seats reserved for you. Our decision regarding the guest list is final and it is not up for discussion.</strong>" ETA: I think he is being a bully and you need to be more assertive with him. He knows he is pushing your buttons.
    Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]

    This is what we did.  A little different verbiage, but it was an email very similar.  FI is upset.  I am upset.  It shouldn't BE THIS DIFFICULT.
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    201 Invited image 139 Attending image 20 Declined image 42 Are making me wait image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_update-on-the-fbil-kids-dramz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:aac0a463-96a3-4e69-8ce7-d6055d203949Post:b42adfcc-7d40-4d32-abf5-353d79b556a5">Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: UPDATE ON THE FBIL KIDS DRAMZ : This is what we did.  A little different verbiage, but it was an email very similar.  FI is upset.  I am upset.  It shouldn't BE THIS DIFFICULT.
    Posted by rachelm13[/QUOTE]

    It shouldn't be this difficult, your right.  You did the adult thing in this situation.  Try not to be upset.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-frown.gif" border="0" alt="Frown" title="Frown" />
  • I definitely agree that you should NOT make accomodations for the children by planning kids meals, etc.

    But I did have an idea. Can you discuss the situation with your venue, and somehow arrange it so that if they do show up with the kids, they have to pay for two more meals themselves? Then the kids wouldn't go hungry but it would send a message to FBIL. 

    I'm sorry you are going through this BS. FBIL sounds like a complete a$$hat.

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