Military Brides

long distance & prewedding counseling

For those you you that are currently in long distance situations how are you handling pre-wedding counseling (if you are doing it)? Any advice is appreciated!
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Re: long distance & prewedding counseling

  • edited December 2011
    Well, I would love to hear people's opinions on this. My FI is currently deployed and we are required to finish counseling before our priest will marry us, but by the time he gets back we'll have about 2 months to do 6 months of counseling.

    I heard that if you contact chaplains on post they are very helpful with this.
  • mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    We only had to do one session so, the chaplain originally wanted 2 but I guess we Passed the test.  We are being married by the ship's chaplain.

    I've heard that sometimes you can do a weekend retreat that will make up for the more drawn out sessions.  Depends on where you are and what your minister is willing to agree to. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Talk to your chaplain. If you're using a military chaplain I'm sure they have experience with this. We're having our wedding off base and using a pastor who I grew up with. We talked to him about the possibility of FI getting deployed and he said that if that happened he would be willing to work with us. Some of it FI and him are able to do remotely like over e-mail.
  • edited December 2011
    My husband's LT did all of his premarital couseling over Skype because he was stationed out here in TX and his fiance was finishing school in GA.  Something worth looking into.
  • edited December 2011
    My Fi is stationed in HI so we definitely had to get creative with our counseling. Luckily, we are being married by the pastor that we both grew up with for many years and he is being very flexible since he knows both of us and our families so well. One thing he had us do was go online and each fill out a questionnaire through prepare-enrich.com. The questionnaire includes a comprehensive couple assessment along with feedback using skills building exercises. It really helped our pastor determine the areas that we may need a little more guidance, which luckily for us was very minimal. Obviously, we still have to have a couple of sessions with our pastor and that's where Skype comes in handy. I definitely think you should find a way to have some sort pre-marital counseling, it's one of those little things that I'm glad I'm not missing out on despite how unconventional a long distance military engagement can be!
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  • CARLY78CARLY78 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We used my husband's unit Chaplain for our counseling. We did our counseling long distance- my DH was at Mojave Viper. The Chaplain gave us books he wanted us to read (i read the 5 Love Languages, DH read Boundaries). He also gave us a questionairre to fill out.

    My DH and I have a great relationship, and the questionairre made us more confident that we were ready to take the next step. I strongly suggest doing some type of counseling, especially with having the military aspect in your relationship.
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  • edited December 2011
    Our Priest is being very accodimating and condensing our sessions to while he is on leave for Christmas. Even though its very busy time for him.
    I have heard of many Military couples having success with Skype as well. Looks like some here have gone that route too.
  • edited December 2011
    Check out this link:

    http://www.catholicmarriagepreponline.com/home_usa.htm


    Friends of our (both military) did this course all online because she was deployed during their planning and got back a month before the wedding.  My FI and I plan on doing the same program, since he lives in NC and I live in NH.  Its approved in certain parishes (it was created in Colorado), however we asked our priest about it (we are getting married destination in Florida...but so far we have not met with him!) and he said it sounded fine as long as he had all the paperwork.  So my guess is that we will only really meet with him once before the wedding.  But I know it depends on the priest too....some can be more strict.  But I hav heard military chaplains are more willing to work with you on that. 
  • mommakx3mommakx3 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011

    Our pastor did 1 session with each of us alone and then one together. He asked us each questions then the session we were together we discussed the answers. DH did his session over the phone and I did mine after church.

  • edited December 2011
    We did ours long distance using oovoo.com  It actually allowed for all 3 of us to be on webcams at the same time, so it was a virtual reality counseling room!  We also did some through email, with Q&As...some that were only between us individually and our officiant and others that were between the three of us.
  • claireungaclaireunga member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you're not getting married on post, some churches like ours require either several sessions of prewedding counseling or a retreat, which is essentially all the sessions condensed into one weekend. Can't hurt to ask!
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