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maids issue advice?

samantha1008samantha1008
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in Moms and Maids
Ok so I have a good friend from high school who got married not to long ago and I was her maid of honor.  But we aren't really that close, and I don't really care for her to be mine.  I already know who I want to be my maid of honor too.  I just don't know how she is going to take it?  Personally I don't really care to much for her being in my wedding.  She actually through people in her wedding just because.  I think it should be people that you are really close with that are in your wedding.  Should I just suck it up and tell her she isn't my maid of honor but have her as a maid? Or should I pull a fast one and tell her she is my matron???  IDK
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Re: maids issue advice?

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    justinsfianceejustinsfiancee member
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    edited December 2011
    Dont have her as your matron of honor.  I have been the maid of honor 3x and there is no way all of them could've been mine.  I also wouldnt mention her not being your MOH just asking her if she would be a bridesmaid.  You sound like you dont even want her in it though so I would wait a while and figure it out when it gets closer.  A lot can change super fast. 
    One of the girls i was MOH for was really pissed she wasn't mine, she wouldn't say it but it was quite obvious.  I picked my sisters.  Luckily i had sisters otherwise i would of had this same problem.
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    heyimbrenheyimbren member
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    edited December 2011
    You are in no way obligated to have a friend in your BP just because you were in hers.

    You don't need to tell her that she isn't in it, just don't bring it up. If she asks, you can just tell her that you've already chosen your BP. How she handles that is up to her. You really can't control her reaction. Hopefully, she'll understand.
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    mgietler76mgietler76 member
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    edited December 2011

    I wouldn't worry about it, I agree with PP just don't bring it up. I was in a friends BP just because my Fi was a groomsman, but she is definately not in my BP becuase we aren't at all close. If she asks just be honest and polite with her.

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    suz62984suz62984
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    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't worry about it or bring up the wedding at all around her. Weddings aren't tit for tat.

    I will play devil's advocate here and say that maybe it seemed to you that she just stuck people in her wedding but she may actually feel that close with you. Everyone's perception of relationships are different. There is another knottie on WP board who had a friend as MOH but wasn't included in her friend's wedding party. Although she says she understands that wedding aren't tit for tat, it did hurt her feelings because she obviously thought they were that close...plus their weddings were close together. Maybe you could have her do a reading? She isn't in the wedding but wouldn't feel left out? 
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    MyWedding13MyWedding13
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    edited December 2011

    You don't have to bring it up to her. You don't owe an explanation for anything. If you don't want to put her in your wedding party, then don't.

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    fallingwaterfallingwater
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    edited December 2011
    Yea I found out the hardway that you're not obligated to offer the same.  I asked my future SIL to be a bridesmaid bc we always talked about how we'd like to be together, but that she would feel bad leaving her sister out.  I had no problems leaving her sister out bc we weren't as close and I didn't want someone in there just for the sake of it being so and keeping peace.  Plus, the sister I did invite had mentioned a few times that I was like the sister she never had.  Well the sister I invited got engaged and guess what?  I'm not a bridesmaid.  I was angry about it at first - she had made so much a big deal about it and then left me out of the mix.  Regardless, I can now be happy with them cuz I got over myself, but I wish we coulda takled about it- though it would have been a very awkward discussion.  so its probably best we didn't talk.  Anyway,, I digress... you are in no way obligated to do anything but what makes you happy.
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    lindseroolindseroo member
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    edited December 2011
    I was my SISTER'S MOH in November '09 and I chose my best friend as mine.  I'm really not that close with my sister, she just didn't have anyone in her BP except me and our two younger sisters.  I have a best friend, she doesn't really.  It was sort of awkward at first, but in the end I am happier because I really wouldn't have wanted to do it any other way.
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    tldhtldh member
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    edited December 2011
    I was the MOH for a cousin.  She is not even in my WP.  No hard feelings, situations change.
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    PeonyPrincesskddPeonyPrincesskdd
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    edited December 2011
    You can have whoever you want as your MOH. 

    She should understand that.

    Just because you were MOH for her doesn't mean she has to be MOH for you.

    Just choose who you want and leave it as that.

    Don't go to her and say to her, "Oh I chose Sally for my MOH and not you because I am closer to Sally" etc. 

    Don't explain yourself at all.

    Choose who you want and leave it at that
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    emmagfunk03emmagfunk03
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    edited December 2011
    I was a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding, but I don't feel as close to her so she's not going to be in my WP.

    I probably will need a reader, and if I do, that will be her job. I feel like that's a way to compromise, but I wouldn't feel obligated to do that either.
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    samantha1008samantha1008
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    edited December 2011
    Ya'll are awesome!! Thanks!
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