Ohhhh boy are you ladies gonna get a kick out of this.

kyrgyzstan · May 2011

For FI's command, it was "all hands", so it's command specific. I was glad, because I think it sets a good example if everyone has to go. Junior enlisted and their SOs would just feel picked on if it was only them and it would strengthen their resolve to get married if their seniors were off doing what they wanted while they had to sit in a finance class. I will say that most everyone doesn't seem to care if FI completes it.

ETA: and it had nothing to do with ceremony location

LuluP82 · May 2011

Yeah but Calindi's FI is JAG, so is my H. I think it's a bit different since they're all officers.

From what H explained to me, the way it was explained to them at TBS was that they were instituting a rule that everyone below a certain rank/age would have to go through counselings. Individual commands could place a requirement on everyone if they wanted to.

Every single person who is a JAG across every base that we know of-- and we know a LOT because of NJS-- didn't have to do the counseling, due to rank/assumption of maturity due to age. We know a lot of people who got married during TBS and right after checking into units. No one has had to do it.

kyrgyzstan · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ohhhh-boy-ladies-gonna-kick-out-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e496bf64-28c5-4eb9-958d-e9425a1d09eePost:3832cb2e-ab1e-47fc-af62-c50356408b6a">Re: Ohhhh boy are you ladies gonna get a kick out of this.</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah but Calindi's FI is JAG, so is my H. I think it's a bit different since they're all officers. From what H explained to me, the way it was explained to them at TBS was that they were instituting a rule that everyone below a certain rank/age would have to go through counselings. Individual commands could place a requirement on everyone if they wanted to.
Posted by LuluP82[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>See, and I don't think there should be a difference for officers. Lead by example in all that you do, professionally and personally. Do I think they're likely more mature because they've graduated from college/grad school? Sure. Is that how their Marines (or the Katelyn/Kendall fiances) are going to see it? No, they're not into thinking like that.</div><div> </div><div>I truly believe that officers (all officers) should lead by example, and that these classes/meetings should be required for all hands, all ranks. I think it would be great if the CMC (whose wife is quite lovely I hear) were theoretically remarrying and went to the classes. </div><div>
</div><div>I'm not picking on you or saying you (or Calindi), or your husbands need the classes. I'm saying that not making FI and I (even with his age, assumed maturity, and 10 years in the Marine Corps) go to classes is IMO a mistake, and I think it sends a bad message to the Katelyns and Kendalls of the Marine Corps (of which there are so many). They think they're super mature and want to play grown-up. If they see all the actual grown-ups not having to go, they'll complain, take umbrage, etc. at the fact that only they have to go, and the benefits they could have received from those classes will be lessened. Does it help me? Sure, because I have a full time job and wouldn't be able to go anyway. FI doesn't see it as I do either, he's psyched he doesn't have to go. I think marriage in an enlisted first contract is insanity 90% of the time, and I would do any sort of annoying thing if the number of enlisted first enlistment marriages went down. That's all I'm saying.</div><div>
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LuluP82 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ohhhh-boy-ladies-gonna-kick-out-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e496bf64-28c5-4eb9-958d-e9425a1d09eePost:6654be88-319b-48fb-bbc7-5f73a640e2fa">Re: Ohhhh boy are you ladies gonna get a kick out of this.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ohhhh boy are you ladies gonna get a kick out of this. : See, and I don't think there should be a difference for officers. Lead by example in all that you do, professionally and personally. Do I think they're likely more mature because they've graduated from college/grad school? Sure. Is that how their Marines (or the Katelyn/Kendall fiances) are going to see it? No, they're not into thinking like that. I truly believe that officers (all officers) should lead by example, and that these classes/meetings should be required for all hands, all ranks. I think it would be great if the CMC (whose wife is quite lovely I hear) were theoretically remarrying and went to the classes. I'm not picking on you or saying you (or Calindi), or your husbands need the classes. I'm saying that not making FI and I (even with his age, assumed maturity, and 10 years in the Marine Corps) go to classes is IMO a mistake, and I think it sends a bad message to the Katelyns and Kendalls of the Marine Corps (of which there are so many). They think they're super mature and want to play grown-up. If they see all the actual grown-ups not having to go, they'll complain, take umbrage, etc. at the fact that only they have to go, and the benefits they could have received from those classes will be lessened. Does it help me? Sure, because I have a full time job and wouldn't be able to go anyway. FI doesn't see it as I do either, he's psyched he doesn't have to go. I think marriage in an enlisted first contract is insanity 90% of the time, and I would do any sort of annoying thing if the number of enlisted first enlistment marriages went down. That's all I'm saying.
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

I'm not saying it's a good policy. And I do think they need to do whatever they need to do to lower the number of young marriages. As I mentioned, H is a lawyer-- you should hear the problems that people have. It's insane. Also, I think a huge difference with the junior enlisted is they live in barracks, too; the counseling they get is part of the package to move out of the barracks as well, as opposed to just getting married (this is to avoid the really young kids marrying to get BAH and leave the barracks; at least where we are, there is very little difference between BAH with or without dependents).

I hear you on the example stuff, trust me. For the past 6 weeks, I've been getting up an hour and a half earlier than normal so that H can make it to morning PT. He doesn't need it-- but they've had so many enlisted guys fail the PFT that they decided to lead by example and lead group PT sessions.

calindi · May 2011

Yeah, I understand about "lead by example" but I'm still just glad I don't have to do it. If FI had to go to the class, then that's fair. He's the one who signed up, I'm just along for the ride!

LuLu, is your DH a Marine? I'm going to send you a PM with my contact info since I'd really like to chat with someone who understands the JAG route a bit better. It's a unique beast, from everything I've been told.

LuluP82 · May 2011

He is indeed.

ggirl2001 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ohhhh-boy-ladies-gonna-kick-out-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e496bf64-28c5-4eb9-958d-e9425a1d09eePost:6654be88-319b-48fb-bbc7-5f73a640e2fa">Re: Ohhhh boy are you ladies gonna get a kick out of this.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ohhhh boy are you ladies gonna get a kick out of this. : See, and I don't think there should be a difference for officers. Lead by example in all that you do, professionally and personally. Do I think they're likely more mature because they've graduated from college/grad school? Sure. Is that how their Marines (or the Katelyn/Kendall fiances) are going to see it? No, they're not into thinking like that. I truly believe that officers (all officers) should lead by example, and that these classes/meetings should be required for all hands, all ranks. I think it would be great if the CMC (whose wife is quite lovely I hear) were theoretically remarrying and went to the classes. I'm not picking on you or saying you (or Calindi), or your husbands need the classes. I'm saying that not making FI and I (even with his age, assumed maturity, and 10 years in the Marine Corps) go to classes is IMO a mistake, and I think it sends a bad message to the Katelyns and Kendalls of the Marine Corps (of which there are so many). They think they're super mature and want to play grown-up. If they see all the actual grown-ups not having to go, they'll complain, take umbrage, etc. at the fact that only they have to go, and the benefits they could have received from those classes will be lessened. Does it help me? Sure, because I have a full time job and wouldn't be able to go anyway. FI doesn't see it as I do either, he's psyched he doesn't have to go. I<strong> think marriage in an enlisted first contract is insanity 90% of the time, and I would do any sort of annoying thing if the number of enlisted first enlistment marriages went down. That's all I'm sayin</strong>g.
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]
But what if the person enlisted is 26 and other person is 28. Because that's what me and my FI are. He joined in Feb of 2009 when he was 23 turning 24 and I was 25 turning 26. I get the point of the classes, but similar to you I have a full time job and really can't take time off. I also have a career and manage my own finances without FI (except for this month due to not having a paycheck since April, but that has never happened to me before).

calindi · May 2011

ggirl - you very obviously fall into the 10% of the time when it's not insanity. 90% of first enlistment marriages come under the age of 21 and often when the couple has been dating less than a year, usually around boot camp or before a deployment. All of those factors are bad news. You don't have any of those factors working against you.

P.S. You know I love you, but a big pet peeve of mine is when someone goes, "Well, what about my circumstance?" when they know it's not what the original person was talking about. You don't need her approval, though from reading the context of what she's saying you'll clearly see that you weren't the intended subject anyway.

ggirl2001 · May 2011

Oh, I get what you're saying and I wasn't looking for approval. More thoughts about it? I don't know much about military life anyway so I was wondering if it does make a diference since he did join later in life and we are more established. Because, honestly, without the military we probably wouldn't be together now as crazy as that is. It gave him direction. I just didn't know if there are things I don't know that I should, kind of thing? Does that make sense?

calindi · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ohhhh-boy-ladies-gonna-kick-out-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e496bf64-28c5-4eb9-958d-e9425a1d09eePost:4a423f56-43fd-4fa0-8723-00859b188e3c">Re: Ohhhh boy are you ladies gonna get a kick out of this.</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh, I get what you're saying and I wasn't looking for approval. More thoughts about it? I don't know much about military life anyway so I was wondering if it does make a diference since he did join later in life and we are more established. Because, honestly, without the military we probably wouldn't be together now as crazy as that is. It gave him direction. I just didn't know if there are things I don't know that I should, kind of thing? Does that make sense?
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

That does make sense. And I think the fact that you're both older and independent and educated makes all the difference in the world when it comes to starting out a marriage on the right foot.

Your concerns should be the same one any soon-to-be married couple has, and those of a soon-to-be military spouse. Go to pre-marital counseling. Make sure you both understand how each other feels about children (when, how many, how to raise them, etc.), career (how do you make career decisions, what do you each want professionally, is it compatible with what the other one wants?), religion (will you go to church/temple? How will you raise any children?), politics, etc.

May I recommend the book "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Marry" (or something similar). It's a great, very thorough list of topics to discuss.

My FI definitely became more driven, determined, and disciplined since joining. He's one of the most impressive people I've ever met in my life, and it's such a big part of who he is that I can't imagine how he'd be if he hadn't joined.

kyrgyzstan · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ohhhh-boy-ladies-gonna-kick-out-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:e496bf64-28c5-4eb9-958d-e9425a1d09eePost:e3219b84-be89-482a-8b92-d58bd57204dd">Re: Ohhhh boy are you ladies gonna get a kick out of this.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ohhhh boy are you ladies gonna get a kick out of this. : But what if the person enlisted is 26 and other person is 28. Because that's what me and my FI are. He joined in Feb of 2009 when he was 23 turning 24 and I was 25 turning 26. I get the point of the classes, but similar to you I have a full time job and really can't take time off. I also have a career and manage my own finances without FI (except for this month due to not having a paycheck since April, but that has never happened to me before).
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

<div>You are perhaps in the 10%, but we have to do things based on the majority, not the minority. </div><div>
</div><div>I once made up a utopia of what military marriages would entail (for the entertainment of Military Nesties) and it included allowances for the elderly who join in their twenties. It basically involved junior enlisted not generally being allowed to be married at all, without interviews of both couple members and signed exceptions from their SNCOIC, OIC, Sergeant Major, and CO. In theory olds like you and me wouldn't have a problem getting that exemption. But if there was an immature old, the unit would be saved from dealing with the yuck that goes with hand in hand when people who are immature get married.</div>

calindi · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_ohhhh-boy-ladies-gonna-kick-out-of-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:e496bf64-28c5-4eb9-958d-e9425a1d09eePost:f69e51d0-1eeb-4889-b01f-3470fde8c018">Re: Ohhhh boy are you ladies gonna get a kick out of this.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Ohhhh boy are you ladies gonna get a kick out of this. : You are perhaps in the 10%, but we have to do things based on the majority, not the minority. I once made up a utopia of what military marriages would entail (for the entertainment of Military Nesties) and it included allowances for the elderly who join in their twenties. It basically involved junior enlisted not generally being allowed to be married at all, without interviews of both couple members and signed exceptions from their SNCOIC, OIC, Sergeant Major, and CO. In theory olds like you and me wouldn't have a problem getting that exemption. But if there was an immature old, the unit would be saved from dealing with the yuck that goes with hand in hand when people who are immature get married.
Posted by WishIcouldbeinthe'stan[/QUOTE]

In my Utopia, both civilians and military couples who want to procreate would need to take parenting classes and take a test to receive a license. I know the eugenics of this is awful, so I don't actually support it, but I'm sick to death of horrible parents and wild children.

Ohhhh boy are you ladies gonna get a kick out of this.

Re: Ohhhh boy are you ladies gonna get a kick out of this.

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