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Just Venting....Lessons Learned

snlyons914snlyons914
10 Comments
in Wedding Party
My amazing future mother in law told me an old Portuguese saying. You learn who your real friends are on three occasions in your life. Your wedding, when you're in the hospital, and your funeral. So true about the wedding part so far!

I am almost 29 years old, and I thought that by now I had learned who my real friends are. Some friends i have had for two years, some for 15 years. I always thought I had a steady foundation of friends. I've learned that I was wrong...

My bridal party of 10 twindled down to four (not includng my man of honor). One after another, including my best friend left me. Sure, I am sure you would say "You must be one hell of a bridezilla," or "Its something that you did wrong." I can assure you that I am far from it. I never had any requirements of people, i never had a check list, I made sure conversations I have had were not WP related, I thought I was doing everything by the book. For every single person, I had been there for, dropped everything I was doing for, sacrificed for. What did I do wrong? Why do weddings bring out the "catty" in people?

So, I have found myself 6 weeks before my wedding feeling simply like crapola, lower than dirt.Should I have put my foot down more? Should I have made expectations? And as all of the chips fell I realized that perhaps I may have just put myself in this situation unknowingly. Always there for my friends, but where were they on the occasions that I needed them? Now they are too busy, or after 8 months of being a bm, dropping out of my wedding for a "roadtrip." Why did it take me until my wedding to see that most of my friends are so shamelessly self involved that they cant make room for anyone but themselves.

Life is amazing. At my bridal shower, people that I definately thought would be there werent, and people who i just spoke to in passing, or simply connected through small conversation were. People that I thought wouldnt even care hugged me and embraced me on my special day.

I did something I thought I would never had to do, something I know is a "no-no" which is to ask someone to stand in as a replacement. (I know, dont beat me up...it was a really hard thing to do, trust me) And, I sit back here and reflect that this person swallowed her pride (im sure) and saw my despair and my sincerity and stepped in for me.... and since this weekend, she has called, asked me if I needed help, etc etc. Far more than any "friend" that I thought I had.... I feel ashamed, happy to feel supported, and then sad all at the same time..

I've learned that I need to be more selective of who I call friends even after several years, and re-evaluate my circle. That I deserve to have a friend like me in return. I pray for clarity and even though it hurts like hell, I am so grateful for this life lesson.
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Re: Just Venting....Lessons Learned

  • loop0406loop0406 member
    1000 Comments

    I totally agree with your mother in law now that I read this post. And I am sure this has happened to plenty of brides myself included.

    I think it has to do with age and stage of life friends are in. I know for me, it's hard to hang out with the single, partying and clubbing friends like I once did. My mind is on other things now and you might find, when those friends get engaged/married or have children, they might come around again.

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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker

    Your MIL is definitely right.  That's unfortunate for you what happened with all of your BMs. 

    imageBabyFruit Ticker
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  • JelennyJelenny
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    that's a great saying and i couldn't agree more....

    ...my engagement has def let some true colors show in some "friends" - i was amazed at the jealousy, judgement, and insecurity in some of my "friends" but that is why i decided not to let it get me down...

    sorry for all you are going through but at least you if nothing else have gained perspective
    imageimage

    Sept 2011 Siggy Challenge: Favorite Ceremony Photo Anniversary

    ~~Planning~~

    ~~FOR SALE~~
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  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    2500 Comments
    So 6 girls dropped out of your wedding?  One of them because she decided to take a roadtrip instead of attend the wedding?  What where the others' reasons?
    Married 10/2/10
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  • CTGirl30CTGirl30
    1000 Comments
    Why did 6 people drop out of your wedding party?
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
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  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I just can't imagine that there's more to this story.  SIX people rarely drop out of a WP without some kind of good reason.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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  • snlyons914snlyons914
    10 Comments

    5 ladies not 6 dropped out of my wedding party I now have four bridesmaids and 1 man of honor.

    1.my best friend let was supposed to be my MOH, told me "her plate was too full" and became a bridesmaid, later gave me an ultimatum because my finacee is best friends with her ex. She told me because Rudy was inviting him, she was dropping out (no, he didnt beat her or anything...she is remarried, etc) later apologized and said she was back in....then told me she didnt have time to "dedicate" to be in my wedding. no bs. I previously posted about her.

    2. My sister: She didnt  actually drop out of my wedding. She is actually getting deployed, which I dont hold against her of course. Im going to miss her terribly, and I am more concerned about her safety than anyting.

    3. Friend for 6 years told two months ago that she is going on a road trip with her boyfriend instead

    4. After accepting, didnt want to be in my wedding because she didnt like one of my bridesmaids and was upset that I would even consider her. Felt that I should have asked her how she would feel about it first.

    5. I picked the dresses out in February. Did not like the style or color of the dress. She wanted her own dress, I said no. I picked a latte color because my wedding was fall themed. Later got upset that I went dress shopping without her. Mind you, I told all my girls when I was going, and she told me last minute that she would not be able to make it. She was upset I went without her! There was other appointments that she said that she wanted to go to, and couldnt make, but got upset when I went without her! Told me that I wasnt a real friend, said that she didnt want to be in the weddng because she didnt feel that I didnt include her enough, epecially because I considered her such a good friend, I should have "done what I needed to do to include her."

    I know it seems far fetched that I could have this many problems but its all sad but true!
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  • snlyons914snlyons914
    10 Comments
    1) Yup! No requirements, no need to throw me a party, no expectations

    2) I agree with you

    3) You're right, it doesnt come as a suprise. She said that she believes that he is going to propose on the roadtrip and didnt want to push it back further. Should I be more understanding?

    4) Not really much to comment on there.

    5) I did consult the girls on a budget. Trust me, they arent Vera Wang bridesmaids dresses! I made sure that I didnt go over the agreed $100 budget, which I think was reasonable. I had them vote on the dresses they liked, and picked the one that had the most votes.
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