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Is it proper to invite people to a shower, if they're not invited to the wedding?

cherylbigscherylbigs
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My daughter is being married 5 hours away from her home town.  She has many friends on both sides of the state.  We thought it would be nice to have a bridal shower in her home town, and one in the town where she currently lives and near where she is being married.  Should we only invite people who are ALSO invited to the wedding, or can we open up the shower invite list to other close friends who didn't make the wedding invite list?  (neighbors, friends of the whole family, etc.)

Between the bride and groom, they know A LOT of people, so we've had to trim the wedding invite list and not include some people that she's been close to growing up.

Bottom line, Is it proper to invite people to a shower, if they're not invited to the wedding?
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Re: Is it proper to invite people to a shower, if they're not invited to the wedding?

  • HockeyFan4HockeyFan4 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    No.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Nope.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Not at all.  Although it's thoughtful to want to include them, since they didn't make the cut for the wedding, this seems very "gift grabby".
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  • gabriel0915gabriel0915 newb
    500 Comments
    That's going to get you a big 'no; around here. FI's co-workers know our financial situation and know that our wedding is small and are throwing us a shower. WE have told her multiple times not to throw us one and she won't take no for an answer. That's the only time that it's "ok" and even then we feel guilty about it. But over all, no.
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  • strlzfan11strlzfan11 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Work showers are the exception to the "must be invited to the wedding" rule.
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  • hoffsehoffse member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    Work and church showers are the only exceptions - otherwise, no it needs to be guest-list only.
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  • shannoni22shannoni22 member
    First Comment

    I'm a nanny & my boss is throwing me a shower. So I guess that makes it a "work" shower. She's inviting all the neighborhood ladies that I babysit for, have playdates with, carpool with, hang out at the playground with etc. They all understand that I can't invite everyone to the wedding of course.
    But when my boss suggested that we invite some of the other nannies, I said no. Only the 2 who are actually invited to the wedding. Even tho it's "work" I still feel that since there are 2 nannies invited to the actual wedding, it would be tacky to invite those who aren't. None of the moms are invited, they all just love me Laughing and really want to celebrate with me.

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  • flyinaway2soonflyinaway2soon member
    First Comment
    My grandmother's large social circle offered to throw a tea for me. I'm having a very small wedding, which everyone is aware of (those who offered and organized knew that they wouldn't be at the wedding.) The feeling is clear that gifts are not required, instead it's about spending some extra time with those who can't come. If it weren't for the extra-clear "this isn't for gifts" part, then I'd be a lot less comfortable with it.
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  • flyinaway2soonflyinaway2soon member
    First Comment
    I must say though, showers are already clearly gift grabs. I don't understand why anyone's offended by being honest about it. It might be considered improper ettiquette to invite people who can't come to the wedding, but the reasons why bewilder me.
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