Wedding Etiquette Forum

My dad died.

On May 31, I called home to check on dad.  I was calling every two hours the previous day as he was starting to decline a couple nights prior after trying to live it up too hard with his brothers and cousins (he called it his Victory Lap – so he knew the end was near).  My dad’s nickname is Mr. Fun, so it was how he knew to say goodbye.  My sisters, who are both nurses, both agreed on the phone that he was not going to make it much longer.  They said I should fly in ASAP.  I was at the airport in just a matter of hours after that phone call. 


After a 1.5 hour flight delay, I finally walked through my dad’s bedroom door at 10:30pm on May 31.  He was very weak; he could not hold my hand, talk or blink.  His breathing was very labored.  He couldn’t move on his own.  We spoke into his ear and said, “Dad… Shannon is here now.”  He raised his eyebrows and made a sound so I think he understood us.  At 5:00pm that day his last comment was, “Where’s Shannon?”  I think he was waiting for me to arrive.  He had a few conscientious moments in his last few hours, but overall he was mostly out of it.

 

At 3:25 am on June 1, my dad passed away.  He was only 58.  My two sisters, my mom and I all sat on his bed cradling him for his last breaths.  I had his hand on my face as he passed.  It was so extremely sad and peaceful to witness.  I am so glad that I made it in time so that we could all be there for him.  He did not want to die in a hospital, but rather his own home.  I laid with him on his bed for a few hours afterwards, before the funeral home would come to take him away.  I didn't want to leave his presence.

 

My sisters are great nurses.  They administered all the drugs, they knew the signs to look for, and they knew how to position him.  We didn’t require hospice in the house because they were very comfortable with everything.  In fact, my dad was signed up for hospice care for 24 hours believe it or not after he started to decline from his Victory Lap.

 

I spent 10 days at home with my mom.  My fiancé flew in before the wake as well.  There was a lovely wake and funeral services at the place where his parents and grandparents had their services.  Although my dad was raised Catholic and all his family members from the Southside of Chicago were still Catholic, my dad (nor are we) was not.  Yet he still wanted a priest to speak for his services.  My sister gave an excellent speech which pretty much made everyone cry in the room – even the funeral director.  Then everyone clapped at the end!  It was that good!  My uncle arranged to have a bagpiper play at the services as well at the burial.  It was truly an amazing effect to have the bagpiper play.  My dad would have loved it.  There were about 80 friends/relatives of my dad's tailgating (aka drinking) in the parking lot of the funeral home.  I, of course didn't care much for that, but my dad would have been right out there with them.  He was admired and loved by so many.

 

I am glad I got to fly home three times previously this year.  In fact I was just there visiting 2 weeks prior to his passing.  I don’t feel like I was slighted in time, or have anything I wished I would have said.  It’s just super sad that he is gone and I won’t get to feel his hug again.  He is no longer in pain.  Rest in peace, dad.  I miss you.

 

Me and dad from January 2012.  This photo went in the casket.

 

My dad on his Harley-Davidson in his heyday.


 

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Re: My dad died.

  • edited June 2012
    Gina, I'm so sorry. I'm glad you were able to make it there in time.

    Also, that's a beautiful picture of the two of you.
  • Gina I'm so sorry for your loss but I'm glad you were able to be there with your family that was something I didn't have when my mom passed and it made my grieving much harder. 
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  • heb557heb557 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Your story brought tears to my eyes. May he Rest in Peace. 
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    We're Married!! And I couldn't be happier!
  • dflintdflint member
    First Comment
    Your dad sounds like a badass, and you sound like an amazing daughter.
  • Gina, I am so sorry.  Your posts bring back so many memories for me from when we lost MIL and my Dad (uncle who raised me).  So many things were the same.




  • I'm so sorry, I am glad you were able to be with him at the end.
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  • Gina, I'm so sad to hear of yur father's passing.  I wish I could give you a hug. But I'm glad that you were able to make it in time to be with him.  Your dad sounds like a truly wonderful person. 
  • Aw Gina.  Even tho expected, it doesn't make it easier.  My condolences.  I love the pics.
  • I'm really sorry, gina. But I'm glad you got to see him in time and that you were all there with family.

    That is a great picture of you two.
  • I'm sorry for your loss, Gina. Your story was beautiful in a bittersweet way. Thank you for sharing it with us. Y'all are in my prayers.
  • Gina,
    I am so sorry for your loss.  I am glad you were able to spend time with hime over this past year, including at the end.  T&P to you and yours.
  • I would hug you if I could. I'm so sorry.
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  • ginadogginadog member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited June 2012
    Thanks so much.  I haven't had internet for so long.  Reading these posts kind of relives the saddness, but I wanted to share and I reread the posts for comfort.  I am not an inconsolable blubbery mess like I thought I would be.  Maybe that will come in waves as time goes on.  I did loose it right before they closed the casket where we say our final goodbyes.  I think we're mostly relieved he is not in pain any more.  My dad lived a very hard/rough lifestyle which caused us to worry about him for over two decades.  We don't have to worry anymore.  He always said, "I don't know what I did right to deserve such a loving family." 
  • What a wonderful gift you had in him.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_my-dad-died?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b49240a6-5e21-4aa4-8256-76fb2f6ec865Post:e85d5ae3-f0f6-4dff-92b5-e202ba7735a7">Re: My dad died.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks so much.  I haven't had internet for so long.  Reading these posts kind of relives the saddness, but I wanted to share and I reread the posts for comfort.  I am not an inconsolable blubbery mess like I thought I would be.  <strong>Maybe that will come in waves as time goes on. </strong> I did loose it right before they closed the casket where we say our final goodbyes.  I think we're mostly relieved he is not in pain any more.  My dad lived a very hard/rough lifestyle which caused us to worry about him for over two decades.  We don't have to worry anymore.  He always said, "I don't know what I did right to deserve such a loving family." 
    Posted by ginadog[/QUOTE]

    Exactly how it happened for me.  It's been 2-1/2 years and it still knocks me for a loop every now and again.
  • I'm so sorry for your loss.  T&P for you and your family.






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  • Gina I'm so sorry about the passing of your dad. Today marks seven years since my dad passed, he was 54. Sounds very similar to the story you just told. I was with my dad leading up to it but only sat silent in his room, scared to talk. Finally I got the courage to tell him he wAs ok to let go, that I would watch over mom and then 3 hours later he passed. Your dad waited for you like my dad waited for me. Even in their deaths they made sure to bring us comfort and closure. After the initial grieving try to begin focusing on the amazing thing he did in his life so that you can stop dwelling on the death part. Gone but never forgotten, sounds like a great angel was born on June 1. Hugs to you and your family
  • I am o sorry for your loss Gina, and so glad you were there. My thoghts are with you and your family.
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss, Gina, but thankful that your dad's struggle is over. It's wonderful that you were there when he passed--it does sound peaceful. I know we don't "know" each other, but feel free to PM me--this is my first Father's Day without dad, so, in that respect, I know what you're going through.
  • I'm so sorry, Gina. I know this year has been very emotional. I'm glad you were able to see him and be with him during those final hours. *hugs*
  • I'm sorry about your loss, Gina.  But I have to say, you and your family did right by your dad and his last days were comfortable and full of love
  • I'm very sorry for your loss. It's beautiful the way you described his last moments.
  • I'm so sorry, S.  I am so glad you were able to be there with him.
  • Oh, Shannon. My heart just breaks for you.  I am so sorry to hear of your father's passing.   You and your whole family will be in my thoughts. *hugs*
  • I'm so sorry.  I don't know if you remember me, I met you on the Canada board awhile ago, and I've been wondering how you are doing.  My thoughts and best wishes are with you and your family.
  • I'm so sorry for you loss :( Thinking of you and your family.
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  • *HUGS* Gina :(  I am so sorry, but I am so glad that you got to be there with him for the end.  I'm sure it meant so much to him to have you and your whole family there with him. 
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  • ::hugs:: I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you and your family were able to be there to surround him with love as he passed on. You're truly amazing. My thoughts will be with you and your family.
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  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    ((((HUGS))))  It seems that your father did wait for your arrival; I am happy you were able to make it.  I know this has been really tough for you.  My father passed away just 6 weeks after my wedding last year.  You have been (and will continue to be) in my thoughts and prayers.  Hang in there!
  • I'm sorry for your loss.  I lost my dad about a year ago (he was 57).  I, like you, got to be there when he passed, and although it was horrible to witness, I wouldn't have had it any other way.  It does get better, but it takes time.  Be gentle with yourself, and take care.
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