Minor wedding party snag

BlytheM2014 · September 2012

Okay, so when we originally talked about our wedding party we each picked two people. I picked my sister and his sister and he picked his best friend and his brother. Last week he came to me and said he wanted to add four more friends. He is really close to them and wanted them in the wedding. I am totally fine with this, but when I brought it up to my mom she really didn't like the idea. My question is, is there a way to have his friends in the wedding but not part of the wedding party? I think we'll still go with the plan of 2 people on my side and 6 on his because I think that's what he really wants, but I would like options if we decide not to go that route. TIA.

aerinpegadrak · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_minor-wedding-party-snag?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6e375004-3ac0-4ef0-bce7-f2b1328761a0Post:abfcb607-c53f-4db5-8617-e68b3d06849f">Minor wedding party snag</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, so when we originally talked about our wedding party we each picked two people. I picked my sister and his sister and he picked his best friend and his brother. Last week he came to me and said he wanted to add four more friends. He is really close to them and wanted them in the wedding. I am totally fine with this, but when I brought it up to my mom she really didn't like the idea. My question is, is there a way to have his friends in the wedding but not part of the wedding party? I think we'll still go with the plan of 2 people on my side and 6 on his because I think that's what he really wants, but I would like options if we decide not to go that route. TIA.
Posted by BlytheM2014[/QUOTE]
They could be readers or ushers, but those aren't really equivalent honors. Why would your mom have any say in the groomsmen? She's not the groom.

BlytheM2014 · September 2012

Yes, I know, it was more because FI was dead set on only 2 people and after having a friend be super upset that he wouldn't be in the wedding, FI decided on including more people. So it was my mom who brought up the issue, but the solution is more for my FI if he isn't really sure about having so many groomsmen. I know that wasn't at all clear in the original post and I apologize. Also, my parents are footing the bill, so I am trying to factor her concerns in as well. However, I am aware that the final decision is my FI's and mine.

mimi2982 · September 2012

my FI has alot of close friends and he is having two best men (old school/university friends) and his brother as a groomsmen. He has also picked two of his close friends to be an usher. I will have one MOH and two bridesmaids.

If youre having a large wedding, then you could actually pick more than 2 ushers, to hand out the order of service/escort guests to seats. we are having 115 guests at an outdoor civil ceremony, so 2 ushers feels about right for us.

it really depends on what you both want. i preferred my wedding party to be smaller as i wanted my wedding morning to be quit intimate, i felt three was a good number for me. but if he wants to be surrounded by all his mates on the morning and at this side during your vows.. then he should do this!

i intentionally gave myself 3-4 months to pick my wedding party as ive heard many people making rash decisons and picking on the intial high of getting engaged. in the end i picked my sister and two cousins, having family felt right in the end.

aerinpegadrak · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_minor-wedding-party-snag?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6e375004-3ac0-4ef0-bce7-f2b1328761a0Post:4c65cf9a-aef5-4662-ba49-5f65acf68f6f">Re: Minor wedding party snag</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I know, it was more because FI was dead set on only 2 people and after having a friend be super upset that he wouldn't be in the wedding, FI decided on including more people. So it was my mom who brought up the issue, but the solution is more for my FI if he isn't really sure about having so many groomsmen. I know that wasn't at all clear in the original post and I apologize. Also, my parents are footing the bill, so I am trying to factor her concerns in as well. However, I am aware that the final decision is my FI's and mine.
Posted by BlytheM2014[/QUOTE]
If your parents are willing to pull funding because of the makeup of the wedding party, you don't want their money anyway.

banana468 · September 2012

I'm not sure why your parents still factor into this. These people would still be wedding guests, correct? Unless your parents are paying for WP attire, the RD or flowers for the WP I'm not seeing how this impacts them financially.

Why not just say, 'Mom, uneven wedding parties are fine and we'll have one."

BlytheM2014 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_minor-wedding-party-snag?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6e375004-3ac0-4ef0-bce7-f2b1328761a0Post:eb9cba29-a2f6-4703-bf54-fc6f454c636a">Re: Minor wedding party snag</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure why your parents still factor into this. These people would still be wedding guests, correct? Unless your parents are paying for WP attire, the RD or flowers for the WP I'm not seeing how this impacts them financially. Why not just say, 'Mom, uneven wedding parties are fine and we'll have one."
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

I did. And I really do apologize again, it really wasn't as big of a deal as I made it sound. I told her it was what he really wanted and she was fine with that. It wasn't an argument we had. She just didn't understand how it would work with uneven sides, because believe it or not every wedding she has been to has had even sides. I provided her with multiple solutions. And the only reason this conversation took place in the first place was because I was just running ideas by her. It wasn't because I need her permission to do things, I just like talking to my mom about my wedding. Also, they would definitely not pull funding because of a wedding party issue. The original question was to really just see if there were other options for friends who we wanted there for our special day, but not a part of the wedding party. I should have left out any of the information regarding my mom because that isn't a factor in my decision making. I apologize again.

BlytheM2014 · September 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_minor-wedding-party-snag?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6e375004-3ac0-4ef0-bce7-f2b1328761a0Post:53cf42ce-dd8e-4538-a5dd-e121f66c84c1">Re: Minor wedding party snag</a>:
[QUOTE]my FI has alot of close friends and he is having two best men (old school/university friends) and his brother as a groomsmen. He has also picked two of his close friends to be an usher. I will have one MOH and two bridesmaids. If youre having a large wedding, then you could actually pick more than 2 ushers, to hand out the order of service/escort guests to seats. we are having 115 guests at an outdoor civil ceremony, so 2 ushers feels about right for us. it really depends on what you both want. i preferred my wedding party to be smaller as i wanted my wedding morning to be quit intimate, i felt three was a good number for me. but if he wants to be surrounded by all his mates on the morning and at this side during your vows.. then he should do this! i intentionally gave myself 3-4 months to pick my wedding party as ive heard many people making rash decisons and picking on the intial high of getting engaged. in the end i picked my sister and two cousins, having family felt right in the end.
Posted by mimi2982[/QUOTE]

I think this is what I will suggest if FI doesn't want a large wedding party. Thanks. We're having about 100 people so 2 ushers will work. One of those four close friends also offered to be the DJ, so that takes care of 3. Just need to come up with something for the last friend to do.

Minor wedding party snag

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