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MOB frustrations

LWheekerLWheeker member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My mom and dad are divorced so they are splitting my wedding between the two of them. They aren't giving me much money to work with but it is enough to cover the big vendors. I hve to pay for the smaller things and the honeymoon. Recently my mom told me she would "not pay for a wedding that kids were not invited to." I love kids but i honestlu do not want them at my wedding. My MIL said he daughters would be "pissed" if I didn't invite their kids. We don't even know if my in laws are contributing to wedding yet. I want I tell my mom that instead of the big wedding, they can send us to Mexico for a week and we will get married down there and stay for our honeymoon. My fiance is a hillbilly so he wants a pig roast in his back yard for a reception anyway. How do I maturely and without much conflict tell my mom to change her tune or we are going to Mexico??
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Re: MOB frustrations

  • LWheekerLWheeker member
    First Comment
    Please excuse the spelling errors. I typed that all from my phone.
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  • mdeidremdeidre
    100 Comments
    The thing is, you can't tell someone how to spend their money.  If she's decided that she wants kids there or she's not going to give you money, then you have to either accept the kids or give up the money.  You can nicely tell her that you really don't want the children there and you're not going to change your mind, but be prepared for her to say that she will then not give you any money. 

    The best course is to scale your plans to what you can afford and pay for it yourselves and then you don't have to worry about what strings come attached with other people's money.
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  • Megan+AdamMegan+Adam member
    10 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mob-frustrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1f967c81-0720-42f8-bdd2-40b75528b742Post:a2575c6f-2146-4cd2-b899-be604d0c1c13">MOB frustrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]My mom and dad are divorced so they are splitting my wedding between the two of them. They aren't giving me much money to work with but it is enough to cover the big vendors. I hve to pay for the smaller things and the honeymoon. Recently my mom told me she would "not pay for a wedding that kids were not invited to." I love kids but i honestlu do not want them at my wedding. My MIL said he daughters would be "pissed" if I didn't invite their kids. We don't even know if my in laws are contributing to wedding yet. I want I tell my mom that instead of the big wedding, they can send us to Mexico for a week and we will get married down there and stay for our honeymoon. My fiance is a hillbilly so he wants a pig roast in his back yard for a reception anyway. <strong>How do I maturely and without much conflict tell my mom to change her tune or we are going to Mexico??</strong>
    Posted by LWheeker[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>There is no way to maturely tell her that because it is an incredibly immature thing to say. 
    </div>
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  • eirwyneirwyn member
    100 Comments
    edited April 2012
    If you don't want kids at your wedding, you're going to have to pay for it yourself. Since your mother is paying for a portion, you'll have to reach a compromise since she is a co-host for your reception.
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    You can't assume that she wants to give you the money no matter what you do with it.  I'm betting that she won't want her money going towards a mexico wedding.  So, your only choice is to just turn everyone down and pay for everything yourself.

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  • hoffsehoffse member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    Oi.  It's her money, she gets to call the shots.
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  • ceh789ceh789 member
    1000 Comments First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mob-frustrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1f967c81-0720-42f8-bdd2-40b75528b742Post:756a6059-b197-42f8-996b-fe9493b0c475">Re: MOB frustrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]"Ma!  You gimme what I want or I'm heading south of the border!"  That could work.
    Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>But really it's gimme what I want or I'm heading south of the boarder ON YOUR DIME.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>I'm having a hard time believing this is real - she called her FI a hillbilly.</div>
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    I'm not even sure that a marriage in Mexico is legally valid in the US.  Anyone know?

    OP, everyone else is right.  You can sit down with your mother and maturely and calmly explain why you don't want to invite children to your wedding, and see how it goes.  The way I see it, it can go one of three ways.

    1)  She appreciates you maturity and calmness, and decides that she will pay for a child-free wedding.

    2)  She doesn't change her mind, but still gives you the money, and you decide that you can live with kids there

    3)  She doesn't change her mind, and decides not to give you one red cent of her money.

    The best way to call the shots at your own wedding is to pay for it yourself.  Most of us did it/are doing it.   It's not that hard.
    DSC_9275
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mob-frustrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1f967c81-0720-42f8-bdd2-40b75528b742Post:5a7dbe00-b6b0-49f6-82fe-dbb8396c473d">Re: MOB frustrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not even sure that a marriage in Mexico is legally valid in the US.  Anyone know?
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

    There are a lot of requirements to marry legally in Mexico.

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  • frantastic12frantastic12 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mob-frustrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1f967c81-0720-42f8-bdd2-40b75528b742Post:a2575c6f-2146-4cd2-b899-be604d0c1c13">MOB frustrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]My MIL said he daughters would be "pissed" if I didn't invite their kids. We don't even know if my in laws are contributing to wedding yet. 
    Posted by LWheeker[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>So your SIL's kids are only welcome if your ILs are contributing?  </div>
    image
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  • nextrightthingnextrightthing member
    500 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper

    This has to be MUD.

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  • meg65meg65 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mob-frustrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1f967c81-0720-42f8-bdd2-40b75528b742Post:5a7dbe00-b6b0-49f6-82fe-dbb8396c473d">Re: MOB frustrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not even sure that a marriage in Mexico is legally valid in the US.  Anyone know? 
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

    <div>When Spencer and Heidi (of <em>The Hills </em>fame) got married in Mexico, they had to have another legal ceremony when they got back to the states. You know, the big televised one in the series finale.</div>
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  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Ha, if she's not going to pay for a wedding without kids invited, you really think she's going to pay for a wedding with NO ONE invited?  Including her, it sounds like?  In another country?

    Please share whatever it is you're smoking, because it must be good shiit.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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  • mdeidremdeidre
    100 Comments

    Ika and Tina Turner got married in Mexico and look how well that turned out.

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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mob-frustrations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1f967c81-0720-42f8-bdd2-40b75528b742Post:6f63e5fa-1a3d-4609-964f-ab757da74635">Re: MOB frustrations</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ha, if she's not going to pay for a wedding without kids invited, you really think she's going to pay for a wedding with NO ONE invited?  Including her, it sounds like?  In another country? Please share whatever it is you're smoking, because it must be good shiit.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    This is EXACTLY what I was thinking. Mom won't even pay for a no kid wedding. OP what makes you think she's going to fund a wedding where SHE'S not even going to be there?
    image
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  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    If it were me, I'd pay for OP's wedding in Mexico if she promised to never come back.

    image
    Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
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  • megsch88megsch88 member
    10 Comments
    I think you should talk to your mom about the "no kids" thing. You need to be respectful and calm in explaining your reasoning.

    I do have one issue though, as I am family-oriented...you want your mom instead just to give you money so she can "send us to Mexico for a week and we will get married down there and stay for our honeymoon." Uhh, you don't want your mom, the person paying for this, to be there? Or FI's parents? Kudos to your mother if she has the funds to pay for both of your plane tickets, money for hotel, and honeymoon fun. Although in the beginning of your post you said she isn't giving you much funds to work with.

    This whole OP is confusing  ??  Yell
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