# of Invites - are you sending more or less than intended number?

RachAisle · March 2010

We want to have 150 guests and no more.

Is it standard practice to send more invites than the # you expect, to account for those who can't come?

FMIL insists it's rude to send invites in waves. I get her point, but then she's not the one who will suffer if the guest list gets too high (my family is paying).

How are the rest of you handling this?

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

Yes, A/B lists are generally considered rude, that's the wave thing. If you can do it without anyone noticing, go ahead, but since invites go out during 6-8 weeks, and RSVPs should be due no more than a month in advance, there's no way to do it without people figuring it out.

Invite the number that you have space/budget for. If 150 is your max, invite 150. You may get 100, you may get 150. There's no way to predict, so you shouldn't over invite.

squirrly · March 2010

We invited who we wanted to invite, and will be happy to celebrate with however many can attend. Our venue is large enough for all of them, but can deal with a smaller group too. Don't over invite. Plan on 100% attendance.

Karen's MOH · March 2010

I'm inviting more than I WANT to come but not more than the space or budget can AFFORD to come. In other words, my venue can hold 176 so that is the absolute max I will send out. I expect at least a 20% decline rate (that's what the books will tell you) but it's out of town for almost everyone, and FIs family is travelling to the same area 2 months before for a family birthday, so I know a lot of people won't be able to make it. But others are right, you have to be prepared for everyone to come.

SaraAndrew2010 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_of-invites-sending-less-intended-number?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:6ece67fd-d357-41f9-a9dc-b32a10405ef5Post:d957a29a-2a46-495d-8815-dfdb203cb900">Re: # of Invites - are you sending more or less than intended number?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm inviting more than I WANT to come but not more than the space or budget can AFFORD to come. In other words, my venue can hold 176 so that is the absolute max I will send out.
Posted by Karen's MOH[/QUOTE]

This is what I'm doing as well. Our venue can fit 225, but we are aiming for 200 (which would be a more comfortable number for the space). We'll probably send out invites for 220.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

We just got an invitation to a friend's wedding. I know that some of our other friends had already received theirs by the time FI was asked for his address, and the RSVP date is only a week from now.

Translation: we got B-listed. Even if it weren't the same weekend as our own wedding, we'd probably decline. People aren't dumb, they know when something shady is going on.

We invited the number of people that our venue can comfortably hold. I expect a few declines, but not many. We have a pretty good idea of who's going to be coming, even though I've only gotten back about 1/3 of our RSVPs.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

I'm also inviting more than I'd like (115 vs. the 75 I expected/prefer) but I can accomodate and pay for all of them, even though I expect only 85-90 to show up.

I once got an invite to a wedding ON the day the RSVP was due. For FI's cousin. We had already booked flights and this was like 3 weeks before the wedding. Nice.

RachAisle · March 2010

Thanks everyone! Sounds like I need to confirm the # people my venue can hold, set a firm number (perhaps slightly above 150 but not much) and then stick to it!

Part of the issue is that FH & FMIL keep saying how they want "as many people as possible" while I'm more the one who a) wanted a more intimate wedding & b) don't want to run up any more of a bill for my family than necessary.

A friend of mine also recommended telling FMIL to pay for any guests above our limit.

We'll see how it goes... for now we still need to get the full guest list put together!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · March 2010

Seriously, FMIL isn't paying for the wedding, so tell her, "Well, my parents can only afford 150." Done.

Francesvm · March 2010

My fiance and I are paying for our wedding. I told my parents if they have guests they want i.e. people I have no fricken clue as to who they are...then they can pay for them. That made the discussion quick and simple and they are only inviting 3 couples! I would see if your fiance may be able to have a little chat about the expectations of what your parents are planning to pay for and maybe request that if they wanted to chip in for their guests, then it would be no trouble to add extra people. Also, do plan for 100%...you may realistically get a few declines but don't guess at what that may be; wait until you get actual rsvps.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

You and your FI need to get on the same page about what you want for the wedding. If you want a small wedding and he wants a big one, you need to sit down and talk that over. But if your parents are paying, you have to take into consideration what the budget can accommodate. We would love to invite everyone we've ever met, but the money just isn't there.

kristinanddan · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_of-invites-sending-less-intended-number?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:6ece67fd-d357-41f9-a9dc-b32a10405ef5Post:d957a29a-2a46-495d-8815-dfdb203cb900">Re: # of Invites - are you sending more or less than intended number?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I'm inviting more than I WANT to come but not more than the space or budget can AFFORD to come. </strong>In other words, my venue can hold 176 so that is the absolute max I will send out. I expect at least a 20% decline rate (that's what the books will tell you) but it's out of town for almost everyone, and FIs family is travelling to the same area 2 months before for a family birthday, so I know a lot of people won't be able to make it. But others are right, you have to be prepared for everyone to come.
Posted by Karen's MOH[/QUOTE]

This exactly. We had a minimum of 100, but the venue could hold up to 300. We invited around 200, hoping for 125 to come, but prepared to pay for everyone. We actually ended up with exactly 125, but that was just dumb luck.

cutypie953 · March 2010

This was a serious problem i had also. We wanted around 150, could pay for around 170 and the venue could hold 200. We invited what the venue could hold-200. Our final number now is 155 so, when all was said and done, we got exactly what we wanted-we invited everyone we wanted to come, but the number that replied was exactly around the number we wished for and could afford.

One serious bit of advice that caused me a huge headache and hopefully can save you from one-remember that as you are about to send out the invites random guests will creep up on you. We were like "ok, here are the 200 guests we are inviting" then it was like, all of the sudden "but FI's cousin's been with his girlfriend for a year, she relly should be invited" or "oh crap, we completely forgot aunt Bertha!" blah blah blah...I about had a freak out on FMIL and mom both for that!

You will also have the typical people RSVP and add their own guest...I had to call those people and say "at this time we do not have the space but if room becomes available I will let you know."

ces25c · March 2010

I didn't realize the A/B list thing was considered so rude. We had already worked out our guest list when his parents gave us a huge list of family and a few friends they wanted invited and my grandma gave me a list of 15 people who live in the area. It's frustrating since now we either can't invite a lot of friends we wanted to attend, or have to wait and see how many of these people rsvp no.
I also have been sending out invites as I finish addressing them, and am still waiting on a few addresses, so I hope I haven't offended anyone since they didn't get their invite around the same time!

megandjay · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_of-invites-sending-less-intended-number?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:6ece67fd-d357-41f9-a9dc-b32a10405ef5Post:3bb8954f-0b8d-4954-b390-7067ca70f7dc">Re: # of Invites - are you sending more or less than intended number?</a>:
[QUOTE]We just got an invitation to a friend's wedding. I know that some of our other friends had already received theirs by the time FI was asked for his address, and the RSVP date is only a week from now. Translation: we got B-listed. Even if it weren't the same weekend as our own wedding, we'd probably decline. People aren't dumb, they know when something shady is going on. We invited the number of people that our venue can comfortably hold. I expect a few declines, but not many. We have a pretty good idea of who's going to be coming, even though I've only gotten back about 1/3 of our RSVPs.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

I too have been B-listed. It seemed rude and gift-grabby. Like they had a number they could reach and if anyone wasn't going to come then wanted to ensure to get out as many invites as possible so that they would get gift. Maybe this was not the intention, but it still felt RUDE.

aerinpegadrak · March 2010

I know sometimes people do it to meet venue minimums, but seriously? Just upgrade your bar package or something. That's what we're intending if we get enough declines.

ces25c · March 2010

Yikes, I feel really guilty now about planning to invite more friends after I got some rsvps back. I was not thinking of anything like getting more gifts, I just wanted to be able to invite as many friends as possible there without neglecting any relatives.
I have no clue whether most of these out-of-town relatives will come, who will bring their kids, etc so I was more worried about 50 extra people showing up when my mom is paying for everything.

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