Aunt with Down syndrome

grrlnovembre · December 2010

I have an aunt with Down syndrome. When I first introduced my then-boyfriend to her, I forgot to give him advance warning because I was so used to her being around that I didn't see her as different. That's the way Aunt Dot has always been, and I accept and love her despite her limitations. I realize that not everyone sees it that way and not everyone is used to being with people with Down syndrome, so I'm wondering what, if anything, I can do to make sure no one starts to whisper at the reception.

KtCa · December 2010

How did your FH react? I would assume he took it in stride and did not treat her badly.
You don't have to do a thing. Downs Syndrome is very obvious. If people don't figure it out immediately, they will. But this really shouldn't effect their behavior at all.

Do people act 100% differently around a 10 year old because they don't understand all of the ways of the world?

She'll win them over with beign herself, I'd worry more about warning people about "Drunk Aunt Edna"

Snippylynn · December 2010

Put a sign over her?

No, really, you don't have to do anything. At all.

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2010

If people whisper about her at the wedding, you have a guest problem not an Aunt Dot problem.

AdeleDazeem · December 2010

I'm curious why you forgot to mention it to your boyfriend if you are so worried about it now. Did he react poorly? Do people typically react poorly to realizing your aunt has down syndrome? Or are you turning really a non-problem into a problem because you've slapped the word wedding on the party?

I'm honestly not trying to be snarky. I'm trying to point out that when it was just a meeting/dinner party, you thought nothing of your aunt's condition. But now that it's wedding-related, you are concerned. I really think you're over thinking this.

Girlie1030 · December 2010

I agree with KtCa - there are typically enough colorful characters at a wedding (Uncle Earl is licking the ice sculpture!) to give most guests plenty to whisper about. And honestly, if anyone does whisper about Aunt Dot, I can't imagine they're close to you or your family and I wouldn't waste my time or energy worrying about them.

ExpatPumpkin · December 2010

Why would people whisper about a guest with Down's syndrome? It's a very well-known and easily-notable condition.

What's to whisper about? Would they whisper about someone in a wheelchair?

I think you're seriously over thinking this... If anyone does start to whisper about her, it's their problem.

emilyinchile · December 2010

I have a cousin with Down's Syndrome. It never even crossed my mind to tell any of the non-family guests. I'm pretty sure that they all are mature and kind enough that no one said anything about or to her. Ditto Mrs. B - if people are whispering, I'd suggest finding yourself some new friends because those people are jerks.

NatandIsaac · December 2010

If you have anyone on your guest list who you think actually would whisper about your aunt, well, I won't invite someone like that. Trust that your guests are kind, reasonable people.

jemmini6 · December 2010

My uncle had Down syndrome and we actually lived with him for several years to take care of him, he was more like a brother than an uncle. He was such an amazing person and I found that even people who had never been around someone with disabilities before would fall in love with him within 5 minutes of meeting him. He was a charmer though, always had to give high fives and kiss the ladies' hands

On the other hand, I was also very protective of him and if anyone at my wedding were to make a negative comment about him, I would have them escorted out immediately. However, I would imagine that to be a highly unlikely situation. I don't think you need to make any special announcement, your aunt is just another guest at the wedding and everyone will likely be very accomodating of her. Just be glad that you will have your aunt there, I wish my uncle could be at mine...

cherbein · December 2010

Your aunt will be fine and will most likely just be thrilled to see you glowing with happiness on your big day. I highly doubt that anyone will whisper about her and if they do make negative comments then that is a horrible refelection on that guest, but in no way a reflection on your aunt.

Just let your aunt be! There is no need to apologize for or explain her condition. She is wonderful just the way she is and has years of experience interacting with people.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_aunt-down-syndrome?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fd670de1-4bdc-487a-92dc-c381381a8ad3Post:a46a3604-dcb8-4775-8355-bf01a15f7c83">Re: Aunt with Down syndrome</a>:
[QUOTE]Why would people whisper about a guest with Down's syndrome? It's a very well-known and easily-notable condition. What's to whisper about? Would they whisper about someone in a wheelchair? I think you're seriously over thinking this... If anyone does start to whisper about her, it's their problem.
Posted by ExpatPumpkin[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree. </div><div>
</div><div>Listen, my best friend growing up was partially deaf. It would slip my mind occasionally when I introduced her to people, but she would often just ask someone to repeat themselves and explain, "I have very limited hearing in my right ear." I would think it would be the same with someone who has a mental or emotional disability. If someone is autistic and therefore behaves abnormally in some situations, you'd probably mention it because it's not obvious, but even so, everyone figures it out or is told eventually. Down Syndrome? Is obvious. No one needs to be told she has it because they'll see her and know, and not think anything of it. I'm assuming you're not afraid of her acting inappropriately, it sounds like you're just worried about the reaction of others. Almost everyone has met someone with Down Syndrome. Adults know not to point and stare, etc. </div>

Goldlie11 · December 2010

I can't imagine any adults saying something. Most people have come in contact with someone with Down's Syndrome at some point in there life.

Young children are a different story. Children often do say something when they see someone who is different for the first time. Let the parents handle it.

I was in a wedding and someone in the bridal party had Down's Syndrome. He even made a speech. I don't recall anyone having any problems. It was an adult only affair.

Xtine22 · December 2010

I wouldn't say anything. My brother has Down syndrome and was also a GM. I never really have thought to tell someone before they meet him. He probably had the best time out of everyone.
On a side note. Actually I do remember when I introduced H (then not even really a bf) to my brother and later my mom asked if I had mentioned anything to him about my brother or her (she was at the time had just finished chemo) and it didn't either accur to me or how do you really bring it up. H didn't even blink and eye. That was probably when I knew he was a keeper.

bonnyandtim · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_aunt-down-syndrome?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:fd670de1-4bdc-487a-92dc-c381381a8ad3Post:bb915551-315c-49d7-9c4a-bc5f092cecf2">Re: Aunt with Down syndrome</a>:
[QUOTE]If people whisper about her at the wedding, you have a guest problem not an Aunt Dot problem.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

grrlnovembre · December 2010

Thanks, all.
I think I was overthinking it. And if there is any problem, it is a problem with the guests, though, as you say, most are adult enough to handle it, than with Aunt Dot.

Aunt with Down syndrome

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