I can't remember if this is rude or not (RD/alcohol/"after-party")

Re: I can't remember if this is rude or not (RD/alcohol/"after-party")

• rbtrumpet member

  

  July 2010

  but I'm sure you guys know   I know we see this Q a lot, but I can't find a post w/ it, and I'm curious... :-p
  
  FI and I finally picked a rehearsal dinner venue - however, we decided to cater in BBQ at the church, so no alcohol .
  
  our budget allows for at most 2 drinks/person for the RD atendees. (there will be open bar @ the wedding the next day)
  
  We are planning on going out somewhere after the actual dinner for drinks for whoever is interested.  We have a LOT of OOT guests, so it would be fun to invite them too.
  
  we can:
  
  A) invite RD atendees only - pay 2 drinks/person (original plan, within budget)
  invite RD atendees only - do not pay for alcohol (except our own)
  
  C) invite RD atendees and OOT guests - pay for all alcohol (and go WAY over budget)
  D) invite RD atendees and OOT guests - do not pay for alcohol
  E) invite RD atendees and OOT guests - descretely give RD atendees 2 drink tickets (and hope OOT guests don't see them)
  
  F) hang it all - go home early and get some sleep!
  
  (I was going to add a poll, but my computer is being stupid and freezing every time I try)

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• Julz629 member

  

  July 2010

  I am too confused.  Just do what you can afford in your budget.

  

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• danieliza1127 member

  

  July 2010

  You're question is about AFTER the RD right?  If so, then my vote is to have the RD with the wedding party and then go out with everyone afterward to some bar, have oot guests meet up, and you don't pay for anyone's anything at that point.  Keep it casual, word of mouth, "hey we're going to be at xyz bar after the RD if you want to meet up!".   That's what we did and it worked out great.

  
  

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• rbtrumpet member

  

  July 2010

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-remember-this-rude-not-rdalcoholafter-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:940fc35c-187b-4b98-9b74-b21b2b240bdaPost:d37c39f0-a4fb-4acc-b591-70b4db02ef1f">Re: I can't remember if this is rude or not (RD/alcohol/"after-party")</a>:
  [QUOTE]You're question is about AFTER the RD right?  If so, then my vote is to have the RD with the wedding party and then go out with everyone afterward to some bar, have oot guests meet up, and you don't pay for anyone's anything at that point.  Keep it casual, word of mouth, "hey we're going to be at xyz bar after the RD if you want to meet up!".   That's what we did and it worked out great.
  Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]
  
  Yes - after the RD.  Thanks!
  
  I wasn't sure if it was "bad ettiquite" to invite people to a bar and not pay for them.

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• mags0607

  

  July 2010

  I have also been in a situation where the B&G did something similar. They just bought the first round for everyone and thanked us all for coming, and then we were on our own. I think since its an after party and not an official event, then you don't have to pay for everyone's drinks all night long. BUT, if you pay for some, pay for all or just don't pay for any except your own.

  

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• ehathewa

  

  July 2010

  Option B or D. 

  

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• carrieoz_76 member

  

  July 2010

  Generally speaking, if you're inviting someone to a dinner or party or what have you, then you're expected to cover the related food and drinks.  But there are ways to finesse this.  You can simply tell OOTers that you and the WP will be hanging out at such and such time and place, and they're welcome to join you.  Then, if you're feeling generous, it'd be nice to buy the first round, but you're not on the hook for the whole tab.
  
  I do think it's rude to pay for some of the ppl at this type of get-together and not others, though, so if you buy drinks for some, then I think you should do it for everyone who's there with you.

  
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• laurenbergher member

  

  July 2010

  Most venues will allow you to put a cap on a consumption bar, even if it's not a catering venue.  So go to the bar, tell them you want to host the first few rounds of drinks, up to a certain dollar amount, and then everyone's on their own.  The venue will understand, and usually so will your guests if you let them know in advance.

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