Is it OK to send out invites this early?

jenjenaz · May 2011

Hi there....We're doing our wedding planning in under 6 months (currently about 4 months away from the wedding right now and just booked everything last week...) and it's a destination wedding (Vegas). We didn't have a chance to send out a STD since it's so close and I'm running around trying to get everything else done, though we did send out some via email to some very close friends.

FI wants to get the invites out ASAP. In the next few weeks -- which would put it at about 3 1/2 months before the event -- since anyone who wants to come would have to travel. Then putting an RSVP date of about 6 - 8 weeks out.

Is this OK to do? Feels kind of odd to me, but given our shortened timeframe, I'm not sure if it's OK....

What do you think?

emilyinchile · May 2011

The short answer is no.

Send an email to people if you're worried about them making travel plans, and then send your invites at 8 weeks out with an RSVP a couple weeks before the wedding. Any earlier is just asking for people to forget to RSVP because they think they have forever or not be able to because they don't know their schedules that far out.

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2011

ditto Emily. Do an email STD.

janinekk · May 2011

I think it's okay, but then again, I'm not up on all the "proper" ettiquette and so on. My invites are going out end of this week and the wedding is on 9/1/2011. I'm asking for an end July RSVP because I have to let ceremony ppl know numbers etc. on 8/1. I wanted to let people know they are invited and give them some info so they could book travel. Sending a STD seemed like a waste at this stage.

aragx6 · May 2011

janine -- it's less about etiquette and more about getting an accurate count. With an RSVP date that early you'll have a lot of people forget to send in their RSVPs and, quite likely (and more expensive for you) a lot of no shows.

NotColloquial · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-send-out-invites-this-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b85f75b-3aec-4457-8f4f-393012fea232Post:78b5ba0a-f1fb-4e66-aa2f-1de1e513a8ca">Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's okay, but then again, I'm not up on all the "proper" ettiquette and so on. My invites are going out end of this week and the wedding is on 9/1/2011. I'm asking for an end July RSVP because I have to let ceremony ppl know numbers etc. on 8/1. I wanted to let people know they are invited and give them some info so they could book travel. Sending a STD seemed like a waste at this stage.
Posted by janinekk[/QUOTE]

It's not really an etiquette thing- it's a logistics thing. You might want to wait a bit to send those invitations for the reasons PP stated.

janinekk · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-send-out-invites-this-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b85f75b-3aec-4457-8f4f-393012fea232Post:46d88c69-4bf1-4842-a0ff-9e32136f7855">Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?</a>:
[QUOTE]janine -- it's less about etiquette and more about getting an accurate count. With an RSVP date that early you'll have a lot of people forget to send in their RSVPs and, quite likely (and more expensive for you) a lot of no shows.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

True! I guess since I'm having a small wedding of immediately family and close friends only, I'm doing mine a bit different. If someone wasn't coming the family gossip would let me know. =O)

DNAtime · May 2011

I just got an invitation for a Sept 17th wedding (ironically enough the day we sent out our invivations for July 17th) with no RSVP date. Thats not smart.

Wait until the appropriate time about 8 weeks before the wedding.

direy25 · May 2011

Ditto PP's - 6-8 weeks is way too early for the RSVP deadline. We set ours' at 4 weeks for our Vegas wedding and still had to call a bunch of people.

amys325 · May 2011

We had a destination wedding in St. Thomas, USVI with a year to plan and we sent our invites out 4 months in advance. It let people know that they were actually invited (we had some people assuming they were invited) and make the necessary plans. We also asked for RSVPs 2 months in advance because we needed to know 30 days before and that gave the people who needed more time to get their RSVP in before our final #s were due.

From what I read, for a DW, the sooner the better for letting your guests know on all the details. Gives them more time to plan.

direy25 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-send-out-invites-this-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b85f75b-3aec-4457-8f4f-393012fea232Post:6bbe1d90-e756-4e1f-a15b-ba31180016f3">Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?</a>:
[QUOTE]We had a destination wedding in St. Thomas, USVI with a year to plan and we sent our invites out 4 months in advance. It let people know that they were actually invited (we had some people assuming they were invited) and make the necessary plans. We also asked for RSVPs 2 months in advance because we needed to know 30 days before and that gave the people who needed more time to get their RSVP in before our final #s were due. From what I read, for a DW,<strong> the sooner the better for letting your guests know on all the details. Gives them more time to plan.
</strong>Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]
This is why you send out STD's.

jessicabessica · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-send-out-invites-this-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b85f75b-3aec-4457-8f4f-393012fea232Post:6bbe1d90-e756-4e1f-a15b-ba31180016f3">Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?</a>:
[QUOTE]We had a destination wedding in St. Thomas, USVI with a year to plan and we sent our invites out 4 months in advance. It let people know that they were actually invited (we had some people assuming they were invited) and make the necessary plans. We also asked for RSVPs 2 months in advance because we needed to know 30 days before and that gave the people who needed more time to get their RSVP in before our final #s were due. <strong>From what I read, for a DW, the sooner the better for letting your guests know on all the details. Gives them more time to plan.</strong>
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

There are other ways to get details to your guests, like save the dates or word of mouth. The problem IMO is mostly with early RSVP dates. It's just hard to commit that far in advance.

We did email save the dates in Jan/Feb, and our invitations went out in early May for our July 3 wedding.

amys325 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-send-out-invites-this-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b85f75b-3aec-4457-8f4f-393012fea232Post:3e28aece-df98-4cd5-9974-641a9fb5a9b0">Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early? : This is why you send out STD's.
Posted by direy25[/QUOTE]

We did...we sent those out 8 months in advance. There is really no proper etiquette when it comes to DW. Believe me, I researched it! But most websites/books/columns tell you to the sooner the better to give you guests the information they need, some even say you should send out invites 6 months before your date.

janinekk · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-send-out-invites-this-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b85f75b-3aec-4457-8f4f-393012fea232Post:14cc53d4-e8a8-4385-9d4d-50fa7f0552ae">Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early? : We did...we sent those out 8 months in advance. There is really no proper etiquette when it comes to DW. Believe me, I researched it! But most websites/books/columns tell you to the sooner the better to give you guests the information they need, some even say you should send out invites 6 months before your date.
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

I read 6 months for invites to a DW too.

aragx6 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-send-out-invites-this-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b85f75b-3aec-4457-8f4f-393012fea232Post:14cc53d4-e8a8-4385-9d4d-50fa7f0552ae">Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early? : We did...we sent those out 8 months in advance. There is really no proper etiquette when it comes to DW. Believe me, I researched it! But most websites/books/columns tell you to the sooner the better to give you guests the information they need, some even say you should send out invites 6 months before your date.
Posted by amys325[/QUOTE]

Just because a Website says it, doesn't make it true.

Except this forum. We're always right.

ETA: That came off harsh. It was meant as (mostly) sarcasm.

bellatoedward · May 2011

My wedding is going to be in March 2012. I plan on sending out STD's in a couple weeks, and having the invitations sent out at about 6 months before the wedding. Maybe 4. (since I'm making them. Gotta love DIY!) and then having the RSVP be for 2 months before the actual date, seeing as the reception is being thrown for us by his family's church group.

jenjenaz · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-send-out-invites-this-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b85f75b-3aec-4457-8f4f-393012fea232Post:e4ff4f18-9cb7-4e52-badd-71e00c3d744d">Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early? : Just because a Website says it, doesn't make it true. Except this forum. We're always right. ETA: That came off harsh. It was meant as (mostly) sarcasm.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

i almost spit out my soda when reading that. LOL

direy25 · May 2011

I must have been doing my research at the wrong places because I never read anything about sending out invitations 6 months in advance. We can agree to disagree - I had no complaints from any of our guests about sending our invitations out in a normal time frame and I honestly don't think it affected the number of yes replies. People started planning as soon as they received the STD's.

jenjenaz · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-send-out-invites-this-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b85f75b-3aec-4457-8f4f-393012fea232Post:3e28aece-df98-4cd5-9974-641a9fb5a9b0">Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early? : This is why you send out STD's.
Posted by direy25[/QUOTE]

i understand that, but it's a little late for STDs now.....so.....what do i do? i'm especially concerned given that his mother is telling everyone and their brother about the wedding and a bunch of people seem to think they're actually invited.

mica178 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-send-out-invites-this-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b85f75b-3aec-4457-8f4f-393012fea232Post:de085051-7df2-4dd7-986f-6d8eba98c571">Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is going to be in March 2012. I plan on sending out STD's in a couple weeks, and having the invitations sent out at about 6 months before the wedding. Maybe 4. (since I'm making them. Gotta love DIY!) and then having the RSVP be for 2 months before the actual date, seeing as the reception is being thrown for us by his family's church group.
Posted by bellatoedward[/QUOTE]

<div>I suggest that you not do this.</div><div>
</div><div>Logistically, most guests won't know their schedules far in advance. If they have to hang onto their invitations for too long, they're more likely to lose them. If they have to RSVP really early, there's a higher chance that they'll change their answer, so you'll have to deal with people calling or emailing and switching from "yes" to "no" (or vice versa). So sending out really early invitations and asking for really early RSVPs is asking for a headache for you. </div>

direy25 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-send-out-invites-this-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b85f75b-3aec-4457-8f4f-393012fea232Post:d87cf650-ecff-4f93-94fb-71234a2f2880">Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early? : i understand that, but it's a little late for STDs now.....so.....what do i do? i'm especially concerned given that his mother is telling everyone and their brother about the wedding and a bunch of people seem to think they're actually invited.
Posted by jenjenaz[/QUOTE]
What about an e-mail like PP"s suggested?

ETA - and I wasn't directing that original comment to you, I was quoting another poster. :)

emilyinchile · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-send-out-invites-this-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b85f75b-3aec-4457-8f4f-393012fea232Post:d87cf650-ecff-4f93-94fb-71234a2f2880">Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early? : i understand that, but it's a little late for STDs now.....so.....<strong>what do i do? </strong> i'm especially concerned given that his mother is telling everyone and their brother about the wedding and a bunch of people seem to think they're actually invited.
Posted by jenjenaz[/QUOTE]

I answered that question in the first response in this thread.

If you're having a problem with your FMIL giving people false expectations, that's something you should address with her, not with the rest of your guests through a formal invitation.

jenjenaz · May 2011

are there any other options other than an email STD? i did that for a few close friends, but i feel like, on a mass scale, they're just tacky. (just my personal opinion / preference here)

ahhhitsshannyn · May 2011

OP- email people a STD or by word of mouth. Send out your invites max 2 months before depending on when you need a count for your vendors. I messed up and sent mine like 3 months out and everyone forgot about them. I regret it now.

Bella- please do not do this. No one knows what can happen in two months time to commit to your wedding. If you do ask this, you would likely have people respond yes and then either forget about the wedding, or something comes up and you forgets to tell you and you end up paying. Just warning you.

emilyinchile · May 2011

You could call or send a paper STD. Whatever manner you would normally use to get in touch with someone - do that. The point is just to get the information to them so that they can plan accordingly without sending them an actual invitation just yet.

aragx6 · May 2011

I wonder what everyone else's thoughts are, but if you could get a quick STD out this week, that would probably suffice. Yes, it's late, but still 2 months between receiving it and the invite.

You'll probably have to go with something basic or have some design talents of your own to make that happen though. Ordering them even from VistaPrint would take too long.

jenjenaz · May 2011

i googled it to see if there was any stuff online...this is what came back from TK.

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-invitations/qa/destination-wedding-invitation-etiquette.aspx

maybe i'll look at a postcard STD. that i can have kinkos print up quickly and get out the door....

thanks for the input everyone!

direy25 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-send-out-invites-this-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b85f75b-3aec-4457-8f4f-393012fea232Post:7fdc55c6-3384-4f94-a09c-7e5a918cc7ff">Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?</a>:
[QUOTE]are there any other options other than an email STD? i did that for a few close friends, but i feel like, on a mass scale, they're just tacky. (just my personal opinion / preference here)
Posted by jenjenaz[/QUOTE]
Just curious what you find tacky about it? At this point I really don't see another option - unless you want to send a personalized e-mail to everyone, or call them individually...

amys325 · May 2011

What we did for our STDs is we got Post Cards from St. Thomas and just put the necessary information on them (including our TheKnot.com wedding website). Cheap, quick and easy.

jenjenaz · May 2011

thanks for that idea amy.....i like it!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-send-out-invites-this-early?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9b85f75b-3aec-4457-8f4f-393012fea232Post:de085051-7df2-4dd7-986f-6d8eba98c571">Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is going to be in March 2012. I plan on sending out STD's in a couple weeks, and having the invitations sent out at about 6 months before the wedding. Maybe 4. (since I'm making them. Gotta love DIY!) and then having the RSVP be for 2 months before the actual date, seeing as the reception is being thrown for us by his family's church group.
Posted by bellatoedward[/QUOTE]

Do your guests live in Tibet? The rule for invitations is 6-8 weeks. Trust me. I side-eyed an invitation I got 4.5 months before a wedding (the wedding was planned in less than 6 months so no STDs, I still side-eyed it). My mother also got an invitation at 4 months out last year and called to ask when my invitations were going out, because she thought the 4 month lead time was "tacky." Honestly, it tells your guests, "hurry up and let me know if you're coming so I can plan around you because you're inconveniencing me by not letting me know." It says you don't respect their time and their schedule as knowing 4-6 months in advance is more important to you than other things they might do with their time. And you know what? If they don't KNOW if they can get the time off or afford it that far in advance, they'll tell you know. Or they won't respond by your deadline, which makes more work for you, not less.

At least 2/3 of my guests had to FLY in for my wedding. I sent STD postcards with hotel block info 7 months out and invitations at 9 weeks. Plenty of people who live all over the country were able to make it.

Is it OK to send out invites this early?

Re: Is it OK to send out invites this early?

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