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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guest List Question

So my mom and I kept going back and forth on this topic and I thought it was settled but I was compiling a list of who to send save-the-dates to and this got re-opened somehow.

So there is a family friend of ours who my parents only ever socialize with the parents anymore.  I only ever socialize with the parents anymore.  I used to be really good friends with their 2 kids but the sister who I went to high school with and I had a falling out and I haven't talked to her in about 4-5 years now.  Things happen.  Her old brother and I were sort of seeing each other while I was in high school but things got complicated and we just drifted apart.  I haven't talked to him in like 2 years.  And as I said previously, my parents still do stuff with their parents and once in awhile I'll even do something with them (never with their kids though).

So the debate was whether these kids get invited or not.  I said no because a)  I'm not friends with them anymore b)  some of the kids of our other family friends are not getting invited (granted I was never friends with their kids...but I'd like to base invites on who I'm currently friendly with and not the past) and c)  I just feel weird inviting an "ex friend" who I haven't spoken to in forever and her brother who I had a scandelous pseudo relationship with.  It just seems weird to me.

Obviously you can tell that my mom disagrees.  She thinks the entire family should be invited.  I've held her off on the idea of sending a save-the-date to them since then I'd have to commit to inviting them too but I know I'm just going to have this conversation again in a couple of months when invites need to be ordered.

What do you think?  Keep in mind this is the only family this is applicable too.  My mom has no problem inviting other family friends without their grown children.

Re: Guest List Question

  • Don't invite the kids. It sounds like you have really thought about this and you know what you want to do. Etiquette-wise, there is nothing wrong with inviting the parents and not their adult kids if you don't socialize with them anymore and aren't close with them.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-question-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a77136d1-fe4e-4a8c-af13-fb6335f71547Post:46741116-4f1b-47d9-8d21-d171a996af25">Guest List Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]So my mom and I kept going back and forth on this topic and I thought it was settled but I was compiling a list of who to send save-the-dates to and this got re-opened somehow. So there is a family friend of ours who my parents only ever socialize with the parents anymore.  I only ever socialize with the parents anymore.  I used to be really good friends with their 2 kids but the sister who I went to high school with and I had a falling out and I haven't talked to her in about 4-5 years now.  Things happen.  Her old brother and I were sort of seeing each other while I was in high school but things got complicated and we just drifted apart.  I haven't talked to him in like 2 years.  And as I said previously, my parents still do stuff with their parents and once in awhile I'll even do something with them (never with their kids though). So the debate was whether these kids get invited or not.  I said no because a)  I'm not friends with them anymore b)  some of the kids of our other family friends are not getting invited (granted I was never friends with their kids...but I'd like to base invites on who I'm currently friendly with and not the past) and c)  I just feel weird inviting an "ex friend" who I haven't spoken to in forever and her brother who I had a scandelous pseudo relationship with.  It just seems weird to me. Obviously you can tell that my mom disagrees.  She thinks the entire family should be invited.  I've held her off on the idea of sending a save-the-date to them since then I'd have to commit to inviting them too but I know I'm just going to have this conversation again in a couple of months when invites need to be ordered. What do you think?  Keep in mind this is the only family this is applicable too.  My mom has no problem inviting other family friends without their grown children.
    Posted by eshaufle[/QUOTE]

    Tell your mom no, and put your foot down.  If she is that adament about all or none with them, then I would tell her you're going to cut the parents from the guest list.   
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-list-question-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a77136d1-fe4e-4a8c-af13-fb6335f71547Post:4e3db635-4f54-4d77-8f62-c05c0510a116">Re: Guest List Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am in the same boat.  Family friends that are my parents best friends.  Grew up with their kids and were friends for the longest time...had a falling out with their daughter and have not spoken to her in 5 years.  End result is that we are inviting the whole family.  It will make my mom happy and her friend happy that the kids are being invited.  We concluded that in the end even if their parents come the kids might not.  Maybe your situation is different, but keep in mind that their daughter or son might decline, while the parents accept the invitation.  That is what I am hoping for and might actually be more realistic, especially if their daughter feels that same way about seeing you at your wedding, and the son having dated you briefly would feel awkard too. I know my mom would have felt bad inviting her friends, but not their children and basically felt her friend would have been offended if their children were not invited.  If it is so important to her I don't mind if they do show up...my fiance and I are inviting a ton of friends and can spend time with the people we want to.  Unless you feel like they will start a fight with you for some reason on your big day i would just invite them and hope they decline the invitation.
    Posted by strasbjl[/QUOTE]

    I considered this...just invite them to avoid drama and I would give it a 50/50 shot that they would come anyways.  It's tough to tell and the parents are the type that might actually make them come lol.  I'm still leaning towards not unless I can tell it's starting to become a heated thing with my mom.  Then it's certainly not worth it.

    For the record, their son is older and does not live with them anymore.  The daughter is in her 5th year of college so I guess technically still lives with them but is at college.
  • I don't think I would invite them. But then, my parents have put very little stress on me in regard to the wedding guest list, so it's been nice.
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  • I wouldn't invite them.

    You've stated your reasons, which all sound reasonable to me. Just advise your parents that you feel more comfortable only inviting the parents. Explain exactly as you did that this day is about people currently in your life, because if you invited everyone you used to have a relationship with (friend or otherwise) that the guest list would get out of control. Good luck!
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