Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy?

crcoff3997 · August 2010

My fiance and I are young but we're pretty much 100% established when it comes to items you would typically find in a registry. We've got a TV, we've got plenty of dishes (hand made, I might add, because my honey is a wonderful potter

) blenders, etc and neither of us really have any desire to register for a blender, a toaster and some Kate Spade dinnerware when we could instead be registering for our honeymoon! We're both kind of outdoorsy, and we'd LOVE to go to Alaska, but it's pretty expensive.

The question is: would it be tacky to register for a honeymoon? Both his parents and my parents are all for the idea because they want us to have something wonderful we can both remember instead of getting a mismatched set of glasses and a couple of odds and ends that we'll probably wind up returning anyway. Do you guys think it would offend anyone to do that? How would we go about communicating to our loved ones that we have a honeymoon registry without stepping on toes?

Ashes_3 · August 2010

I was told not do it. It is basically asking for money in which your not suppose to do.

Heather822 · August 2010

I personally think honeymoon registries are extremely tacky.... mostly because of the element of deception that comes with it.
Your guests *THINK* they are paying for you to enjoy a couples massage... but what really happens is money is dumped into an account under the good faith assumption that's what you will use it for. So really, you could just pocket that money and fix your car with it if you want. You are not obligated to use the money for that massage, even though thats why your guest wanted you to have it.
Also, there are "service charges" so that couples massage aka car repair that costs $150..... your guest is charged $175 for it. And the Registry Company pockets the difference.
Instead of blatantly asking for honeymoon cash, if you simply set up a very small registry (I know its possible.. I will be 30 next week and could think of a million things I need around the house) and your guests should be smart enough to know that what you really need is cash. Then they are giving what they want, you get the entire amount, and there is no deception.

AmoroAgain · August 2010

Just don't register and you'll get cash. However, I SERIOUSLY doubt that you have absolutely everything you could ever want.

If you want cash, that's fine, but don't hide it behind a honeymoon registry (plus all the reasons pp mentioned).

Also realize, that you will have to decline all showers if you decide to go this route. The purpose of a shower is to "shower" a bride with gifts and watch her open them. I'm sure that if you made a serious and honest effort you could find some things that you wanted to have upgraded, but that's just me.

ETA:
This part right here: We're both kind of outdoorsy, and we'd LOVE to go to Alaska, but it's pretty expensive. Really irritates me about HMR's. If you can't afford it on your own, you have no business asking for a handout from your guests to be able to go on a vacation. Dress it up in pretty words as a honeymoon, but it is a completely unneccessary vacation. If you can't afford it now, then save for the next year, and take an anniversary trip instead.

kaehasz · August 2010

I think that is an AWESOME idea!!! That is exactly what my FI and I are doing. We have been living together for two years now, and by the time we have the wedding it will be three. We have bought almost everything that we need.

We are planning on doing a small registry for those guests who would rather get a gift than give money... and as for a shower - I think we are going to do a "Stock the Bar" shower/party. It's more of a themed party than a typical wedding shower, and everyone is to bring you things to stock your bar (wine, liquor, glasses, accessories, etc)

Don't worry about what people think - you have to what is right for your FI and you - because in the end that is what matters, not trying to please everyone else or do things just out of tradition. You have to make this yours

GOOD LUCK!

LauraT25 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-tacky-savvy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:651884e8-4b07-433e-9b5c-d051c3ef625fPost:52570330-682d-41f3-ad8e-d98375238b85">Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong> Don't worry about what people think</strong> - you have to what is right for your FI and you - because in the end that is what matters, not trying to please everyone else or do things just out of tradition. You have to make this yours :) GOOD LUCK!
Posted by kaehasz[/QUOTE]

The OP asked if we thought people might be offended. And she SHOULD worry about offending her guests, as a good hostess, so I think the highlighted portion above isn't the best advice.

It's hard to say what your guests will think, but I think it's likely that at least some guests will be offended. It seems like your parents are on board, but I tend to agree with PPs. A lot of people may not be thrilled with the idea that a portion of the money is going to the HM registry company, and that they're not <em>really </em>giving you a massage or a bottle of champagne or whatever.

The execution of a HM registry is also a bit iffy - you say you can't afford this trip to Alaska, but you will have to pay for it before you receive most of your gifts. So it doesn't really work for you to depend on the HM registry to fund the vacation. What if most people don't use it? I think it's far wiser to plan something that you can afford, make a small registry, and if you happen to get mostly money as gifts, you can take the Alaska trip some other time.

fallbride1109 · August 2010

I actually did a HM registry but I still agree with alot of the PP.

The intended purpose of a HM registry is to enjoy actual gifts on your HM, NOT to fund the trip itself. We planned a HM we could 100% afford on our own and THEN set up the registry, not the other way around. And we did not register for our room or flight, but things like dinners, excursions, a massage, etc. 100% of the money we collected went to the HM and we took photos and set up a website so our family and friends could see pictures of our trip.

(On our registry the fee was assessed after the purchase so the guests were not "charged" a fee, per se, although a portion of each gift was taken.)

All that being said, I can understand why people have problems with it. And I think it's mostly because HM registries are not used the way they are intended. If you can fund your own HM and set up a registry for gifts only, and you think that it will be well received by your friends and family, then go for it. But some people will not like it and I advise you also set up a small traditional registry as well, especially if you are having a shower (which is what I did). No one wants to sit around at a shower and watch you open up cards and checks. The registries and gifts page has a great sticky of things to register for when you can't think of anything. Even though we are older (me 40, he 35) and were merging 2 complete households, I still found plenty to register for.

bellebride116 · August 2010

would it be tacky to register for a honeymoon?

I don't think it is. I didn't do it because at the time I thought it was, however, I don't think it is anymore. I think the ones that ask straight up for money are, but ones where you buy a dinner here or an excursion aren't. I think it's cute that one of your guests can 'buy you a snorkeling excursion' or something similar. I just purchased something off a honeymoon registry for a friend for her bridal shower. I think purchasing a private boat ride for her through her hotel in Italy was more fun than getting a piece of china. I know by me the norm is to give things off a registry for a shower and then cash/check for the actual wedding, so I think it would be fine to do this, just like someone would buy you something off your home registry from a department store... it just gives guests more options.

Do you guys think it would offend anyone to do that? How would we go about communicating to our loved ones that we have a honeymoon registry without stepping on toes?

The same way you would any other registry. I would treat it as if you also registered at Macy's. List it on a wedding website, let someone know IF THEY ASK, or by word of mouth via friends or relatives.

reese511 · August 2010

i think its an awesome idea! im using the honey fund and its totally free. the reason some people are against them is they are non-traditional. but your family seems to be all for it, so i say go for it. you'll never be able to please everyone....at some point you have to let go and do whats right for you and your FI.

nda_roxybabe · August 2010

I think they're super tacky. Register for stuff you want but would not buy (Icecream makers, Kitchenaid, The exta fluffy down comforter, etc..)

wiwicaty · August 2010

I honestly don't know why anyone would think that a honeymoon registry is tacky... what the hell???? My fiance and I just opened one with sandals. It has always been my dream and only option for a registry for as long as I can remember.

I don't see what difference it can make whether you ask your family for a toaster or an unforgettable excursion to the Pyramids at Giza while you're cruising on the Nile. It's your day, they get you what you like, period.

AmoroAgain · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-tacky-savvy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:651884e8-4b07-433e-9b5c-d051c3ef625fPost:9059d34b-a133-4bcb-a349-750d81305718">Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy?</a>:
[QUOTE]I honestly don't know why anyone would think that a honeymoon registry is tacky... what the hell???? My fiance and I just opened one with sandals. It has always been my dream and only option for a registry for as long as I can remember. I don't see what difference it can make whether you ask your family for a toaster or an unforgettable excursion to the Pyramids at Giza while you're cruising on the Nile. It's your day, they get you what you like, period.
Posted by wiwicaty[/QUOTE]
All the "it's your day" crap just makes me think of little girls stomping their feet and flipping their hair. Sure, it's your wedding day, but that doesn't mean you should tick off the people who are going to be in your life for, you know, EVER.

andy71781 · August 2010

yes because the financial outlay for a Gize excursion is about as much as a toaster.

OP here is my advice to you. It sounds like your parents want to buy you your honeymoon. If they want that to be their present to you I think that sounds like a very nice idea. My FIL gave us our honeymoon and I will remember it as if he got us a family heirloom (ps we are going to Egpyt aka why PP's post made my eyes roll so far back into my head). Have a small registry so your guests can get you the extras that you need and don't have (and I'm sure there are some - I promise) and your parents contribution plus any cash you get at the wedding may help you get to Alaska. But I'd start saving now just in case.

VESmith25 · August 2010

I usually avoid these posts but I'm just amazed with all of these 'do what's right for you, it's your day' comments. It seems people have totally forgotten the purpose of a registry and even of wedding gifts period for that matter. You give a new bride and groom things they need to begin there life together. Necessities like cookware, dishes, sheets, etc. If you honestly don't need those things you shouldn't be registering and expecting gifts.

It seems in today's society that everyone thinks they are entitled to honeymoon when they are not! A honeymoon is merely a vacation and it is a luxury- a want and not a need.

wiwicaty · August 2010

Comparing the toaster to the excursion wasn't meant to be taken literally in terms of expense.

Let's put it this way, if you don't need what is usually included in a regular registry I don't think you should skip the registry altogether. Personally, a vacation is the only thing my FH and I really NEED as a married couple, having taken 2 weeks and a long week-end off in 13 years. If having the opinion of someone who is happy with a honeymoon registry helps you, I tell you sincerely no to worry. So far no one has commented negatively (of the people that have been informed), on the contrary! The loved ones in your life that contribute to your list will be happy to give no matter what.

barbbhoww · August 2010

Just register at BBB and return it for cash. If that is what you are really looking for!

AmoroAgain · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-tacky-savvy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:651884e8-4b07-433e-9b5c-d051c3ef625fPost:b0b9babe-6980-4518-b43f-4ae1add10368">Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just register at BBB and return it for cash. If that is what you are really looking for!
Posted by barbbhoww[/QUOTE]
Wow. /that's even worse.

AmoroAgain · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-tacky-savvy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:651884e8-4b07-433e-9b5c-d051c3ef625fPost:722542c4-2b61-4f8e-937d-5ac3c2d001c5">Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy?</a>:
[QUOTE]Comparing the toaster to the excursion wasn't meant to be taken literally in terms of expense. Let's put it this way, if you don't need what is usually included in a regular registry I don't think you should skip the registry altogether. Personally, a vacation is the only thing my FH and I really NEED as a married couple, having taken 2 weeks and a long week-end off in 13 years. If having the opinion of someone who is happy with a honeymoon registry helps you, I tell you sincerely no to worry. So far no one has commented negatively (of the people that have been informed), on the contrary! The loved ones in your life that contribute to your list will be happy to give no matter what.
Posted by wiwicaty[/QUOTE]
I think that's completely not true. What are they going to do, say to your face that it's tacky? Pretty doubtful. Just because you're being tacky doesn't mean they will. A LOT of people can't afford to take vacations, especially right now, so getting married makes you special enough to get a vacation that the people who love you and you are supposed to love can't have? Imagine that someone you care about is going to lose their house, and there you are, asking for a couples massage for an unimportant trip. Makes me sick.

reese511 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-tacky-savvy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:651884e8-4b07-433e-9b5c-d051c3ef625fPost:97e77585-5c1f-47c9-abf4-07f284dc49c4">Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy? : All the "it's your day" crap just makes me think of little girls stomping their feet and flipping their hair. Sure, it's your wedding day, but that doesn't mean you should tick off the people who are going to be in your life for, you know, EVER.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

ok...so you're saying...in ALL of your wedding planning...you never ONCE made any decisions based on the fact that it was "your day" and it was about you and your FI? Doubtful.
Amoro: i totally agree with you on the fact that every single decision made should not begin with "well, its my day so i'm going to ....." Completely immature and Bridezilla to the max. Yes, you're throwing a party and you should absolutely consider your family and friends in any/all decisions made. but at some point...you have to realize you will NEVER be able to please everyone. you have to do what works for you (as a couple).

if OP's family is on board w/ a HM registry...then she should go for it. my advice is to also have a small gift registry to upgrade this and that...so the people that dont agree with HM registries have another option. those who think its a great idea can contribute to the HM and the rest of the guests can gossip in the bathroom about how "tacky" the bride and groom are. PS...i'm sure there will be people at your wedding that will be saying that your flowers are tacky...or your BM dresses are ugly...or your vows are ridiculous.

at the end of the day WHO CARES??? its a party...no reason to stress over every little detail or worry if people will think this or that is "tacky"

blondeintgeragrl · August 2010

I will be doing a HM registry and it is well recieved in the group of guests. We have owned our house for 3 years and bought high quality the first time around. We have booked flight and rooms and paid for that. On our HM registry I am putting excursions, golf, etc.

In our thank you's, we will be including a photo of us doing whatever the person purchased.

I will be doing a small registry for like some small fun things like aerobed, microplane, wine chiller, etc. We already have pots, pans, plates, china, nice flatware etc.

I think if people will be offended depends on the group of people and how large(far removed) the people invited are.

July032011 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-tacky-savvy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:651884e8-4b07-433e-9b5c-d051c3ef625fPost:82c0e603-8972-4bcc-acdc-0b5d88496613">Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy? : The OP asked if we thought people might be offended. And she SHOULD worry about offending her guests, [/QUOTE]

Hopefully her guests aren't as easily offended as you people! And if they are don't invite them!
The people on this board are notorious for not liking Honeymoon Registries. On other boards they are fine. You know your guests. Do what you think is best! You would spend the money they gave on a honeymoon so what is the difference! Do what you want. You know how your guests will feel don't worry how these people feel!

coleandalexia2010 · August 2010

If you don't think asking your loved ones to pay for a vacation you can't afford is tacky, then be my guest.

coleandalexia2010 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-tacky-savvy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:651884e8-4b07-433e-9b5c-d051c3ef625fPost:97e77585-5c1f-47c9-abf4-07f284dc49c4">Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy? : All the "it's your day" crap just makes me think of little girls stomping their feet and flipping their hair. Sure, it's your wedding day, but that doesn't mean you should tick off the people who are going to be in your life for, you know, EVER.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>YES. YES. YES!</div>

reese511 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-tacky-savvy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:651884e8-4b07-433e-9b5c-d051c3ef625fPost:a1a628b6-607c-4b6d-91e3-21de13c6a5c8">Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy?</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't think asking your loved ones to pay for a vacation you can't afford is tacky, then be my guest.
Posted by coleandalexia2010[/QUOTE]

no...instead ask your loved ones to pay for fine china you cant afford. and will never use. great idea! (rolling eyes)

AmoroAgain · August 2010

Most people don't register for fine china these days because... *gasp* it doesn't get used! Hey! Look at that!

What I hate most about HMR's, is that they are flat out lies to your guests. They think they're getting you a massage or something extra, when really, they're just giving you cash. If you want cash, that's fine-- JUST DON'T LIE ABOUT IT.

In answer to your previous question of whether I never had one of those "it's my day" moments, I certainly did. But I never once mentioned that lethal phrase. My family got upset that I wasn't inviting my estranged, abusive father. Never once did I throw a fit, or flip my hair- I calmly explained my reasons to them and that was it.

The point is, you don't HAVE to go to the tired, old phrase and the foot stomping for things to be right. People thinking there are no rules or that they can get around them all just because it's a WEDDING is really disgusting and proof of this rage of entitlement and attention-seeking that the entire wedding industry plays into. When vendors would ask me about my "special day" I wanted to vomit on them and I had to actually tell them never to use that phrase with me again because it just makes me think of little girls in their plastic tiaras. Weddings are celebrations of your committment and new life together. It does NOT mean you get to use and abuse everyone around you for a year. If what you want is a fancy vacation, but you can't afford that while paying for the wedding- then make a choice. You can't have both, so don't try to squeeze your guests for what you can't afford. We don't have to have both. We don't need both. Choose what's right for you and then be settled and happy with that.

As for the question of "traditional" registries, the fact is, they give your guests choice. Choice of items that are on a list, and choice of whether to forego that completely and give you cash.

Heather822 · August 2010

I agree ~ no one *needs* a vacation.

If you are so well set with your "high end items", just put "Please, no gifts" or "In leui of a traditional gift, please make a donation to..." on your invitations.

But I think it takes a lot of ballz to ask guests to fund or enhance your honeymoon.

dovesweet07 · August 2010

I think they are perfectly fine. We have a honeymoon registry and smaller registries at crate and barrel and macys. My shower was this weekend and most people prefered to buy stuff from the other registries because I think they enjoyed getting us actual physical items we would use during our married life. I think more people may use the honeymoon one for the wedding gifts.
I think if both of your parents are fine with it then you can definitely do it. Ask them how you think your other family members will feel. I would probably also suggest setting up small "stuff" registries as well.

AmoroAgain · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-tacky-savvy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:651884e8-4b07-433e-9b5c-d051c3ef625fPost:eb3df8f7-c2e5-4b74-9a91-78e54ef2a432">Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy?</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree ~ no one *needs* a vacation. If you are so well set with your "high end items", just put "Please, no gifts" or "In leui of a traditional gift, please make a donation to..." on your invitations. But I think it takes a lot of ballz to ask guests to fund or enhance your honeymoon.
Posted by Heather822[/QUOTE]
No registry onfo should ever go in your wedding invites. It's okay for a shower, but if you're not wanting gifts, then you don't have a shower.

LauraT25 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-tacky-savvy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:11Discussion:651884e8-4b07-433e-9b5c-d051c3ef625fPost:41051f29-8f57-446b-9406-55443eca6779">Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy? : Hopefully her guests aren't as easily offended as you people! And if they are don't invite them! The people on this board are notorious for not liking Honeymoon Registries. On other boards they are fine. You know your guests. Do what you think is best! You would spend the money they gave on a honeymoon so what is the difference! Do what you want. You know how your guests will feel don't worry how these people feel!
Posted by July032011[/QUOTE]

I think you misunderstood - I wasn't saying 'OMG yes it is so tacky, everyone will be offended', but I was pointing out that it is perfectly reasonable to be worried about offending your guests.

reese511 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_honeymoon_honeymoon-registry-tacky-savvy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:11Discussion:651884e8-4b07-433e-9b5c-d051c3ef625fPost:38610647-143a-41e0-9290-2db44943dc6b">Re: Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy?</a>:
[QUOTE]Most people don't register for fine china these days because... *gasp* it doesn't get used! Hey! Look at that! Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

what point are you trying to make with this statement? its unclear....
i have seen you post a few times telling people to just register for china b/c HM registries are tacky. now you're saying dont register for it. WTH???

MY point is...as someone who has been a guest at many weddings...i'd rather give the couple something they will actually use. if they WANT an ice cream maker, fabulous...i'm happy to buy that for someone. if they want money toward their honeymoon...I, personally, would rather give them that. i just think its pointless and a WASTE of my money if someone is just registering for crap that will never get used. ie: fine china...that many people register for...b/c based on tradition...they are "supposed to." when in reality...thats hundreds of dollars sitting in your cabinet for YEARS collecting dust. when all that cash could have purchased an amazing and memorable HM.

and having a honeymoon registry is not LYING about wanting anything. you're telling your guests straight up, "we want money for our honeymoon"
how is that "lying about it?" and by the way....when gift registries first started many years ago...they were not well accepted by people either. giving a wishlist was thought of as "tacky" and rude and presumptuous. but now its accepted and thought of as traditional...and eventually one day, HM registries will be as well. its the future ladies....embrace it.

Also...your whole argument about the "flipping of hair" and "stomping around" is all based on assumptions. who did that? i never saw anyone do that....
maybe you should take a break from watching the WE channel....

alithebride · August 2010

i have no idea how a HM registry would be 'savvy'. it's not like clipping coupons for bread or being a smart shopper at macys.
and yes-you MUST plan a hm you can afford without the registry.

Honeymoon Registry: Tacky or savvy?

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