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Overwhelmed

So I'm not engaged yet but we're starting to plan the wedding. The knot has kind of overwhelmed me and I also have no clue with where to start. It seems that I can't get past picking my colors or the flowers... any suggestions to not be so overwhelmed?

Re: Overwhelmed

  • If you're planning a wedding, I'm assuming that means you've agreed to marry each other, yes?  So there may not have been a stereotypical proposal or a ring, but "we've both agreed to marry each other and now we're planning a wedding" is pretty much the definition of "engaged," so I think it's safe to say you're engaged, although maybe without a ring or whatever.

    Anyway, here's how I approached planning (and it's worked so far since I've been pretty stress-free on this whole deal, and I'm about 3 months out from my wedding at this point):

    1.  Set a budget.  Figure out the total amount of cash available to you (or that you can save in time to make payments) for the wedding.  Assume that 50% of your budget will go to venue/food/beverages/cake for your guests.  The other 50% will be for everything else - flowers, photography, videography, entertainment, clothing, transportation, officiant fees, etc.

    2. Set a guest list.  It doesn't have to be exact, but you do need to know roughly how many folks you need to provide food, beverage, and seats for to know how far your budget will stretch.  Since you don't even have a date yet, make sure you build into your guest list the assumption that all of your single guests will be in relationships and need dates by the time your wedding rolls around (they probably won't all end up in relationships, but it's better to budget for this, time- and space-wise, up front.  You don't want to be one of the brides who come running to these boards a month before the wedding freaking out because your friend has a boyfriend now and you need to invite him, but if you do, you'll be in violation of your venue's fire code or something crazy like that).

    3.  If you want to get married in a church, contact the church first to figure out when the church has an opening to marry you.  You don't want to put a deposit on a venue for a certain date, and then be told that the church isn't available that day - it creates a huge headache.

    4. Once you have a guest list and a budget (and a date that works for your church, if applicable), you'll be able to start considering things like venues, flowers, colors, etc.  Set a firm cap of what you're willing to pay for each of these things, and do not look at vendors who cannot provide their services within your budget.  Seriously.  Don't waste your time with people/services/dresses/etc. that you can't afford.  Also, it's usually a good idea to choose your venue first, since some venues will have restrictions about which vendors you can bring on site.  Also, venues usually keep lists of recommended vendors on hand, so that can help focus your search.

    Hope this helps!

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_overwhelmed-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:88711876-7ec9-419a-9e69-7d69d930f0e9Post:ce045a31-0c40-42db-8fbf-740b52f651e4">Overwhelmed</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I'm not engaged yet but we're starting to plan the wedding. The knot has kind of overwhelmed me and I also have no clue with where to start. It seems that I can't get past picking my colors or the flowers... any suggestions to not be so overwhelmed?
    Posted by Tigersbballgal[/QUOTE]

    Wedding planning is only overwhelming if <u>you</u> make it that way. Remember, the only things you need to get married are:
    1) Bride and Groom
    2) Officiant
    3) Marriage license
    4) Witnesses

    Everything else is optional and at your discretion. Just try to remember that when you get the urge to think "I'm so overwhelmed."  Most of the stuff on TK's "checklist" did not apply to me because there's a lot of fluff.

    Also, if your wedding is far away (I don't know when you are planning on getting married), don't necessarily settle on details like colors, flowers and other decor - in the grand scheme of things they are minor and shouldn't be finalized until all the bigger things are done.  Although there's nothing wrong with endless pinning on pinterest.

    My advise for the first thing to do? Start saving money. Nothing happens without that, and subsequently, this is the non-exciting phase we are stuck in unfortunately.
  • Don't feel overwhelmed.  First thing, get a notebook or planner so you have a place to write down all your wedding ideas, post your photos, etc.

    Set a tentative budget and a guest list and then pick a date. i still don't have a set budget but knowing what I can comfortable pay for something and then what I am not comfortable paying helps (I know I don't want to go over, say $5000 but I definitly want to spend less than $4000). Knowing what you can afford and for how many people when will help you choose a venue. Decide what you want your wedding to look and feel like (that will help with venue selection). And remember to have options and to be able to compromise. It will all fall into place.
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  • if you have agreed to get married even if he hast gotten on one knee you are engaged. 

    i am on the same page, only i proposed to him today, and the first thing you have think about is budget, date/season, guest list. 

    start a notebook or binder like pp said and take a deep breath


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