FILs don't want assigned seating

seesawgirl · April 2012

I have decided to go with assigned seating for the reception, because of different famillial issues, guests in wheelchairs that need a space left at the table, and because of an activity that I have planned for each table. (each table number corresponds with a milestone anniversary, and the table number placard is actually a folding card. The front will read "please leave us something to read on our 25th anniversary". I like the idea of looking at them 25 or 50 years from now, and reading advice from someone that might not be around anymore. Anyways, while writing up name cards for the seating chart last night, FMIL says, "what if people take their name card and just sit where they want?" and I replied, "I'd really prefer if they didn't, because ----" and outlined the reasons above. She obviously is not taking me seriously, so, my questions are, for those who used one, or attended a wedding where a seating chart was used, is it fairly common for people to just disregard the seating plan? How do you (if at all) relay to everyone that seats have been reserved for a purpose? I don't have an official DOC, so, I was thinking of having my GodMother, who is essentially acting as one, to just quietly go around to people while they are mingling and make sure they noticed the seating chart by the door, and if anyone asks why they need to follow it, just relay what I had planned, they handicapped guest situation, etc.

kcscejal · April 2012

I've never seen anyone sit where they weren't supposed to.

achiduck · April 2012

I think in your case I would assign tables and indicate them on escort cards. If you have a specific seat reserved for someone for whatever reason I'd probably put a little "reserved" sign at it's place setting and then have someone (like your godmother) help those people who might need a little extra assistance getting to their seats. I think as long as you indicate that certain seats are reserved, your guests will respect it.

I've never been to a wedding with assigned seats, but every wedding I've been to but 1 had assigned tables and no one disregarded it.

SarahPLiz · April 2012

Are you assigning seats, or just tables? I've seen people switch up seats at the same table, but not usually jump tables unless something weird happened (rest of table was no show, etc).

raes19 · April 2012

I've never been to a wedding or event where people ignored the table assignments. I think escort cards on a table at the entrance would be your best bet, that way people will see them as they come in.

pokepoke27 · April 2012

I don't think you'll have a problem. Like PPs said - I don't think people are going to disregard the seating plan.

RYLZ · April 2012

You could put place cards at individual seats to further drive the message home. People will probably not be comfortable sitting at a seat with someone else's name even if FMIL somehow encourages this (if that's what you're afraid of). But honestly, I've never seen people disregard a seating chart or escort cards, and I've never been to a wedding that didn't have one or the other.

seesawgirl · April 2012

Ok, thanks everyone!

Kristin789 · April 2012

I wanted to add that it's a nice idea to have someone like your godmother help the guests. I've been to plenty of weddings where we've wandered all around the ballroom looking for the PARIS table or the CUPID table. At our wedding, I talked to a friend who really had no extra money at all and asked her to be the Guest Hostess who would greet people and ask their name, and then look down at a clipboard, and say, "Oh yes, the Jacksons. You're at table five. It's inside these doors, then straight ahead down the aisle, then you'll see it on your left." And I told her that THIS would be more valuable to me than a gift of any kind, so she came early and helped set up the stuff on the tables with my mom and me, and then she did this reception guest coordinator thing, and I was grateful to have her helping.

skl14 · April 2012

If your assigned tables group people with others they would want to sit with, then they probably won't want to switch around.

At my cousin's wedding there were no assigned seats, and after driving 3 hours to see family, we got stuck far away from the rest of the family. I wished there were assigned seats for that, so we could have at least been on the same side of the room with all the relatives we hadn't seen in months.

gabriel0915 · April 2012

I have to have assigned seats at our wedding because our venue is so small. No one seems to care. We will have cards at the seats as well because it's in our contract that we have to. My FMIL? She's giving us assigned seats at our rehersal dinner. How about that one? lol.

SarahPLiz · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fils-dont-want-assigned-seating?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8664d63a-48f3-4423-85d6-71b2c2f0aa92Post:213eeb10-83a6-41f0-8189-e37dcdb4f5f8">Re: FILs don't want assigned seating</a>:
[QUOTE]I wanted to add that it's a nice idea to have someone like your godmother help the guests. I've been to plenty of weddings where we've wandered all around the ballroom looking for the PARIS table or the CUPID table. At our wedding, I talked to a friend who really had no extra money at all and asked her to be the Guest Hostess who would greet people and ask their name, and then look down at a clipboard, and say, "Oh yes, the Jacksons. You're at table five. It's inside these doors, then straight ahead down the aisle, then you'll see it on your left." And I told her that THIS would be more valuable to me than a gift of any kind, so she came early and helped set up the stuff on the tables with my mom and me, and then she did this reception guest coordinator thing, and I was grateful to have her helping.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

<div>::facepalm:: Kristin, this is the worst thing I think I've ever seen you suggest. Find a poor friend and use their financial situation (which is none of your business) to guilt them into working for you on your wedding day, in lieu of a gift that isn't required in the first place. THat's just mean. </div><div>
</div><div>OP, don't ask anyone to do this but paid staff. It is a good idea if you have tons of tables, but this is something that the catering staff can do, not a guest. </div>

mari0225 · April 2012

Wow that's just something else. The catering staff should be given the task of directing people to their tables, as their being paid.

Kristin789 · April 2012

Clearly, I didn't explain my example well enough to suit the critical Knotties, yet again.

My friend found out that I was getting married, and she came TO ME and said that she couldn't come because she couldn't buy a gift. I said that I didn't need a gift from her but I would appreciate her help with seating the guests.

I really didn't hunt up a poor friend and coerce her into being my handmaid for the day.

SomethingBeautiful08 · April 2012

Last summer, FI and I attended one of his cousin's wedding where they had assigned tables and sure enough, as everyone sat down it became clear we were at the odd ball table. I.E we had a couple of SOs of wedding party, a couple of friends of the Bride & groom and not anyone else and us, because we couldn't fit where the rest of his family was sitting. We all stayed pretty well put... at least through dinner. There was a bit of a gap and we did mix up a bit. If you are going to do a seat, dependant activity, be careful about the timing so that it is before everyone would get up and mingle.

MrsGandthebeag · April 2012

I don't know that I've ever been to a wedding with assigned seats, only tables. I like to chose my own seat at the table so I can have a good view of what's going on. I don't really see the point of assigning actual seats except in the case of someone in a wheel chair obviously, or maybe some one that has a baby in a high chair and needs extra room. In those cases I think you could put the reserved sign as someone suggested.

FILs don't want assigned seating

Re: FILs don't want assigned seating

Choose Another Board

Search Boards