a declined invitation from a bridesmaid?

mar15ol · August 2010

i have 5 bridesmaids and i have asked all of them if they want to get pampered with me, in preparation for the wedding two of them which are my sister - n - laws (my brothers wives)who r supposed 2 b very close 2 me, have declined my invitation . Their excuse was that they have 2 get their children ready, well i was thinking what are my brothers there for? should i be more understanding on this?

elizabethm4 · August 2010

Maybe they don't want to pay for it. Did you offer to pay for them if you really want them there?

MyWedding13 · August 2010

I would probably think it is a financial situation. How much is it?

vsgal · August 2010

Yes, you should be more understanding. Nobody is required to participate in pre-wedding events. There could be lots of reasons why they declined. Maybe their husbands have other things to do. Maybe they already agreed to get the kids ready. Maybe they are not into pampering experiences. Maybe they don't want to show up 8 hours before your wedding to get a mani/pedi, massage, hair and makeup. Maybe they don't want to pay for it. Don't read into it and don't get upset. It doesn't mean they don't like you or support you.

JadziaDax · August 2010

You should be more understanding. It's not necessary for them to get "pampered" with you before the wedding and taking care of kids comes first. I don't have young children but I can only imagine how difficult it may be to get kids ready for a wedding- or any event in that matter.

mysticl · August 2010

You should be more understanding. Not wanting to be "pampered" with you does not mean they aren't close to you. You asked they answered. Getting their kids ready is a very legitimate excuse. I know many woman who would laugh at you if you suggested their husbands handle getting the kids ready for something like a wedding. Especially if there is a little girl who needs her hair done.

Mrs.B6302007 · August 2010

Agree with others. Most moms aren't going to rely on dads getting kids ready for a wedding.

[QUOTE]i have 5 bridesmaids and i have asked all of them if they want to get pampered with me, in preparation for the wedding two of them which are my sister - n - laws (my brothers wives)who r supposed 2 b very close 2 me, have declined my invitation . Their excuse was that they have 2 get their children ready, well i was thinking what are my brothers there for? should i be more understanding on this? [/QUOTE]

skippylouwho · August 2010

Probably not politically correct but honests - dad's don't often do the best job of getting kids ready, especially if involves little girls and hair. Some dad's do a fabulous job but most do not. Depending on the schedule it could also involved getting however many kids feed, bathed, hair done, clothes on etc. They may be reluctant to leave the dad's in charge of getting several little people properly dressed and at the location on time. Most (not all) people who don't have kids don't understand what it takes, not trying to be insulting but truthful.

As others have pointed out it could simply be the expense. Most likely they've already shelled out for attire, probably a gift(s) for a shower(s), wedding gift, possibly hotel and travel expense, etc. attire for the rest of their young family and there just may not be extra money in their budget.

banana468 · August 2010

Was it expressed that you would be hosting this or that things would be out of their pocket? I know that I'd decline certain things if it was an out of pocket expense AND I had a child to get ready. Plus, keep in mind that some people aren't into pampering. My mother seriously hates the idea of manicures and pedicures or a day at the spa and only gets her hair cut because she has to.

Let it go.

quotequeen · August 2010

I think the kids are a perfectly reasonable justification for not getting ready with you. Or maybe they just don't want to go. That doesn't mean they aren't close to you. I have no particular interest in getting "pampered" for somebody else's wedding. In fact, my best friend just asked me whether I wanted to join her for her makeup session before her wedding and I am going to decline because it doesn't interest me in the slightest. It doesn't change the fact that she's my best friend.

[Deleted User] · August 2010

Don't take it personally. I am sure if I could have afforded and asked my BM to get mani's and pedi's with me and their hair done the morning of the wedding, they would have declined as well, esp the ones with kids. Bc one of their kids was our FG. In the bridal room not only did she get herself ready, but she also got her daughter ready.

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

Well, I know if a bride invited me to get a mani-pedi for her wedding, I would decline as well. I didn't even get that done for my own wedding, I wouldn't want to do it for someone else's. And yes, they're going to be up to their eyeballs getting their kids ready. I think even if they really wanted to get ready with you, they'd have to decline.

andy71781 · August 2010

I'm curious what the alternative to "being understanding" about this is? Stomping your feet or telling her its part of her duties as a BM?

Let it go.

Sloane99 · August 2010

I'm not a huge fan of spas and mani-pedi days, I don't find them relaxing, I find them uncomfortable and a waste of time. If I also had a child to get ready for an event, I would much prefer to be at home than sitting a spa jumping out of my skin because I still have to rush home and get my child ready.

This has nothing to do with how much I like my best friend or enjoy spending time with her.

Maybe your BMs are like me, or maybe like PP suggested, there's a financial reason they can't. Regardless of the reason which you don't seem to find acceptable anyways, my answer is yes, of course you should be understanding. I don't know why you wouldn't.

stinkerbell6879 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_declined-invitation-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ee24a898-9bde-4c55-ae4b-8ed436201183Post:a1297407-4463-4892-8353-af547ab5d977">Re: a declined invitation from a bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not a huge fan of spas and mani-pedi days, I don't find them relaxing, I find them uncomfortable and a waste of time. If I also had a child to get ready for an event, I would much prefer to be at home than sitting a spa jumping out of my skin because I still have to rush home and get my child ready. This has nothing to do with how much I like my best friend or enjoy spending time with her. Maybe your BMs are like me, or maybe like PP suggested, there's a financial reason they can't. Regardless of the reason which you don't seem to find acceptable anyways, my answer is yes, of course you should be understanding. I don't know why you wouldn't.
Posted by Sloane99[/QUOTE]
This. Except...I am a girlie girl at times who likes a mani-pedi but.....Have you also thought about the fact that they are also considering you? I mean, if they want the kids with them, then there is the worry that YOU would be upset that there are little ones running around while YOU are getting ready... Just a thought....

zitiqueen · August 2010

How much time is saved by typing 2 instead of "to" or b instead of "be"? Really? This isn't Twitter, there's no character limit.

dco324 · August 2010

What type of pampering did you offer? Although they may really need to get children ready, perhaps you could schedule a mani/pedi for the day before. Although it is ultimately up to them, if it is that important to you to have them there, work with them and make sure they know.

Ultimately, I would try to be understanding and "get pampered" with your mom and be understanding of your bridesmaids' needs.

jmkes · August 2010

Yes they do need time to get the kids ready. It's no offense to you at all I'm sure.

a declined invitation from a bridesmaid?

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