WWYD for your friend?

kikibaby · May 2010

Thanks everyone Sorry I'm a DD'er.

shannonalise · May 2010

Oh my god. That hurts my feet to read that.

I'm so sorry. That makes me pretty mad too.

Do you know if anything like this has ever happened between them before? If not, maybe this will scare her out of the relationship with him. What a fuucking douche-trumpet.

ohwhynot · May 2010

Ouch - I'm sorry for your friend. It's possible that it was a true accident - I'm not sure I'd draw any conclusions yet, based on what you wrote. I can think of several ways that don't involve any kind of domestic violence that two people could be in an argument and one of them could end up falling off a deck.

janedoe1113a · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a30205d-6ee8-440b-b74f-317f3aa5fe95Post:fdc9def2-7c4a-4ef0-a9fb-4a3da0b70e1f">Re: WWYD for your friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ouch - I'm sorry for your friend. It's possible that it was a true accident - I'm not sure I'd draw any conclusions yet, based on what you wrote. I can think of several ways that don't involve any kind of domestic violence that two people could be in an argument and one of them could end up falling off a deck.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

Yea, I was thinking the same thing. I'm not sure I would jump to conclusions off of hearsay. I'd ask the person who was injured what happened.

btrflykate1230 · May 2010

I would offer to support her in anyway that I could. Since you heard the story through the grapevine though, I wouldn't jump to the "her BF is abusive" story just yet.

If it does seem like that's the case though, I would gently let her know that there are resources out there for her.

I would err on the side of caution with the abuse thing, just because I could see burning a few bridges if she got offended and didn't think he was abusive, you know? Get the whole story first, and then make a decision.

But of course, I would definitely reach out to her and give her my love and support.

pinkpinot · May 2010

douche-trumpet is my new favorite phrase.

How long have they been dating? I'd be furious if any douche-trumpet laid a finger on one of my friends. I think a good old fashion ass whoppin is in order here. I'd like to see if he enjoys falling off a deck & shattering his heel.

ETA: of course this is only if he did in fact cause the injury to your friend.

Albireo · May 2010

Call the police on him. Depending on where you are, they may be able to arrest him without his victim's support (i.e. many victims of domestic violence say 'no, he didn't do anything to me' in order to keep themselves safe).

You have evidence that he's violent, and even anecdotal evidence can be strong enough for the police to get involved, so I'd say do it.

MissLeahM · May 2010

I agree with OWN, it could have been just an accident.

SheDiva4 · May 2010

I'm so sorry for your friend. I think outside of taking a bat to the BF head all you can do is be there for her.

Offer to maybe do some errands that she will not be able to do now.

kikibaby · May 2010

I also agree that I don't know if it's really an abusive situation. I don't know the details, but it sounds bad. I'm going to try and go visit her when I get back in to town. I've just heard he's very controlling.

lizstill13 · May 2010

First, ouch.

Second, talk to your friend and see what she says happens. Also, pay attention to the way she talks about it, like does it seem like she's covering for him or was it truly an accident. In this situation I would really avoid jumping to any conclusions.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

I would ask the friend what happened, get her story first. You might be able to pick up some clues based on how she reacts or says.

FutureMsAlexander · May 2010

Also agree with OWN. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt for now. Just give her your love and support.

andy71781 · May 2010

I don't like this one bit. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt but keep a VERY close eye on FI. The hospital probably has already notified the authorities if she told them that.

kikibaby · May 2010

Look, kittens!

Davette473 · May 2010

aww gee. That one is tough. A guy hurt my best buddy once and I wanted to jump him, I even made a few frantic plans for a sneak attack cos I knew I couldn't take him down without a good strategy! But assaulting someone won't help your friend, it would just get you in trouble (even if you do it at night and wear a mask or hire someone - you might get caught)...(seriously, don't do that!).

Go to her. Let her know what you heard and know that your heart goes out to her. Really be there for her, but also advise her of her legal options with a thing like this. All you can do is advise her. Chances are she'll really piss you off / hurt you by refusing to seek any help (counselling, lawyer whatever) or by not breaking up with him - but that's her choice, so be prepared to live with that.

...Oh, and I agree with all those who say find out first whether it was an accident. And I have to add - lay off if she's uncomfortable talking to you about it.

ohwhynot · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a30205d-6ee8-440b-b74f-317f3aa5fe95Post:74ca418b-8d77-437a-bdd4-ec9f9c577fa6">Re: WWYD for your friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm also mad that he didn't even take her to the hospital. Our mutual friend had to go pick her up and take her.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

Okay, that sounds really bad. I suppose there could be an innocent explanation for that, but the only one I can think of is that he had been drinking, and didn't want to drunk-drive her there. Was there alcohol involved - for either/both of them? It sounds like a very ugly scene, at the very least. Talk directly to your friend, though, before deciding how you feel about this guy. You're a good friend, Kiki, to react this way.

lizstill13 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a30205d-6ee8-440b-b74f-317f3aa5fe95Post:74ca418b-8d77-437a-bdd4-ec9f9c577fa6">Re: WWYD for your friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm also mad that he didn't even take her to the hospital. Our mutual friend had to go pick her up and take her.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

What? That makes no sense. What excuse does he have for that one?

kikibaby · May 2010

.

FutureMsAlexander · May 2010

Keep an eye on her, Kiki. The signs of domestic abuse are usually pretty evident, especially since you know your friend so well. How long has she been in this relationship?

kikibaby · May 2010

I like ice cream.

tairairat · May 2010

Okay, see, to me the not driving her to the hospital or calling an ambulance if he couldn't drive is suspicious. No matter how mad I or my FI ever get at each other, if one of us fell off the deck and couldn't get up/walk the person who wasn't hurt would be calling 911.

andy71781 · May 2010

I hope the doctor called the cops then. This sounds not good.

FutureMsAlexander · May 2010

Has she seemed pretty happy in the relationship? Does he have a temper? Anything like that?

I had a friend who was in a domestic abuse situation and it was such a nightmare.

melissamc2 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wwyd-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2a30205d-6ee8-440b-b74f-317f3aa5fe95Post:1c71c2c0-24a7-4307-9424-14b3d9eb9ddb">Re: WWYD for your friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]Call the police on him. Depending on where you are, they may be able to arrest him without his victim's support (i.e. many victims of domestic violence say 'no, he didn't do anything to me' in order to keep themselves safe). You have evidence that he's violent, and even anecdotal evidence can be strong enough for the police to get involved, so I'd say do it.
Posted by Albireo[/QUOTE]

That's a quick way to end a friendship and a huge jump to a conclusion that no one knows is accurate. I'd advise against this.

As I say about most relationships - there are multiple sides to a story. Maybe it WAS an accident. Maybe SHE started a fight. Maybe she pushed first, or went to take a swing and fell. Maybe he's in worse condition than she is and didn't take her to the hospital because she brought it on herself. Maybe he DID do it. Anything is possible and you'll probably never really know what happened.

It's her situation to deal with as she feels fit. Just be a good friend, listen if she wants to talk, and stay out of areas you're not invited into until you really have evidence that she is incapable of taking care of herself.

You're a good friend to care, though. :)

kikibaby · May 2010

Thanks everyone for letting me talk it out. I'm just going to keep an eye on him, and listen to her if she needs to talk for now.

WWYD for your friend?

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