June 2012 Weddings

in order to explain myself properly

my previous comments had little to do with people correcting each other's grammar. but rather the way it is being done. I was also trying to make a point on the general attitudes I have noted on this board. some of them have nothing to do with grammar at all.

what I'm talking about it remarks like this:

"you're just wrong."
(when this is the only commentary a person makes in response to someone expressing their opinion politely)

"that's just stupid" or "what you said is stupid"
(in the same context as previously)

remarks that are voiced in a condescending tone are quite common here. I have received them myself and seen them expressed to others. the reason why I brought this up is that I saw the same person who had previously been quite brutal to me (even thought I didn't even bother with it at the time) do that to someone else. I do still stand behind my statement expressed earlier - it is not unacceptable to correct someone's grammar, however, it is unacceptable to just be plain rude about it.

This can be a very sweet board, but at times I feel that some people feel as though they can put others down just because they have different beliefs. everyone is entitled to their own opinions, so I'm not telling anyone to stop what they are doing or change what they are saying. just consider the way you are voicing your opinions, there is no need to be snarky and offensive. the same things can be put in a reasnoable way.
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Re: in order to explain myself properly

  • I didn't read your other thread, but I completely agree with this.
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  • It's not my fault if you read my posts in a condescending manner, that is if you're referring to me. I'm considered, by others, to be one of the sweetest people on the board. I just have a twitch when it comes to grammar and feel people should be able to portray themselves in an intelligent manner.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:f255f1f2-ce81-40bf-992e-5bf0e0710f01">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]It's not my fault if you read my posts in a condescending manner, that is if you're referring to me. I'm considered, by others, to be one of the sweetest people on the board. I just have a twitch when it comes to grammar and feel people should be able to portray themselves in an intelligent manner.
    Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

    Agreed! Midge is a sweetie pie, she just tells it like it is.

    Also - adults should be able to speak coherently, use correct spelling (hint: there is a spell check button) and format paragraphs. If you type posts that sound like you're a child, we'll respond as such.
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  • ok, midg, that is fair.
    I agree that the same post can be read many different ways, and if that is not how you meant it, I am sorry for jumping on you.

    the rest of it still stands, though, not as a note to you personally, but in general. I think we can improve the way we communicate. including me. I think I have a tendency to take everything personally.
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  • I think it also has to do with the fact that there have been a few trolls on the board lately and people intentionally trying to stir up trouble.  If you are someone who communicates in an incoherent way or says outlandish things, we are wary that you are here for the wrong reasons and we are protective of our group.
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  • I'm not really trying to feed the fire here but is there a reason that in your post about grammar you capitalized MAYBE 3 sentences?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:8e76d21c-ad6e-4775-8445-47d55c2c052c">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not really trying to feed the fire here but is there a reason that in your post about grammar you capitalized MAYBE 3 sentences?
    Posted by michellep1[/QUOTE]

    who does this refer to?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:76a80fa6-0393-43e6-951d-4b4fc24de25a">in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]my previous comments had little to do with people correcting each other's grammar. but rather the way it is being done. I was also trying to make a point on the general attitudes I have noted on this board. some of them have nothing to do with grammar at all. what I'm talking about it remarks like this: "you're just wrong." (when this is the only commentary a person makes in response to someone expressing their opinion politely) "that's just stupid" or "what you said is stupid" (in the same context as previously) remarks that are voiced in a condescending tone are quite common here. I have received them myself and seen them expressed to others. the reason why I brought this up is that I saw the same person who had previously been quite brutal to me (even thought I didn't even bother with it at the time) do that to someone else. I do still stand behind my statement expressed earlier - it is not unacceptable to correct someone's grammar, however, it is unacceptable to just be plain rude about it. This can be a very sweet board, but at times I feel that some people feel as though they can put others down just because they have different beliefs. everyone is entitled to their own opinions, so I'm not telling anyone to stop what they are doing or change what they are saying. just consider the way you are voicing your opinions, there is no need to be snarky and offensive. the same things can be put in a reasnoable way.
    Posted by precamies[/QUOTE]

    For the sake of going against your request that we all "play nice", I'm going to say this:
    Are you effing kidding me?
    1. This is the internet.  You cannot read tone.  So saying that someone says something in a "negative" way is pointless because you can't know for sure how they meant it.
    2.  Again, this is the internet.  Nobody should take anything quite so seriously.  Some people use words like dumb/stupid/etc to label a situation.  Calling an idea/sentence/etc stupid doesn't mean you are calling the pesron stupid. I agree if you get to personal attacks, something should be fixed. 
    3. THIS IS THE INTERNET! If you don't like how people act towards you, nobody is forcing you to post here.

    I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh, I promise I'm not trying to be.  But it drives me bananas when people try to be the TK police.  I tell my kindergarteners when they need to play nice.  We're all adults.  We don't need to be told how to act as long as we're not attacking someone.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:c094a8a5-7c87-4259-99d0-f7c16b71fda0">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: in order to explain myself properly : who does this refer to?
    Posted by precamies[/QUOTE]
    You.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:8e76d21c-ad6e-4775-8445-47d55c2c052c">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not really trying to feed the fire here but is there a reason that in your post about grammar you capitalized MAYBE 3 sentences?
    Posted by michellep1[/QUOTE]

    Her post wasn't about grammar, it was about people being big meanie heads about it. So that's why.

    Honestly though Precamies, it's driving me nuts. I can't think of a nice way to say this so I apologize ahead of time, but this is a fact. Kids learn that in first grade.
  • well, to begin with, I don't really attempt to correct anyone's grammar because it rarely bothers me. if you'd like me to start capitalizing my sentences, I can do that. I normally don't because I use all caps when I handwrite. so then I end up sort of doing the opposite when I type.

    I don't have any trouble with people correcting my grammar, just to be clear. English is one of 5 languages that I speak, and I am fully aware of the fact that I make mistakes. like I said, this post has little to do with grammar.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:874069a0-e5b2-4675-a532-31aff032f1b7">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to in order to explain myself properly : For the sake of going against your request that we all "play nice", I'm going to say this: Are you effing kidding me? 1. This is the internet.  You cannot read tone.  So saying that someone says something in a "negative" way is pointless because you can't know for sure how they meant it. 2.  Again, this is the internet.  Nobody should take anything quite so seriously.  Some people use words like dumb/stupid/etc to label a situation.  Calling an idea/sentence/etc stupid doesn't mean you are calling the pesron stupid. I agree if you get to personal attacks, something should be fixed.  3. THIS IS THE INTERNET! If you don't like how people act towards you, nobody is forcing you to post here. I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh, I promise I'm not trying to be.  But it drives me bananas when people try to be the TK police.  I tell my kindergarteners when they need to play nice.  We're all adults.  We don't need to be told how to act as long as we're not attacking someone.
    Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

    Yep- all of this.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:9ed61aeb-f9b3-4fe5-8477-128b1b1921cf">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]well, to begin with, I don't really attempt to correct anyone's grammar because it rarely bothers me. if you'd like me to start capitalizing my sentences, I can do that. <strong>I normally don't because I use all caps when I handwrite. so then I end up sort of doing the opposite when I type. </strong>I don't have any trouble with people correcting my grammar, just to be clear. English is one of 5 languages that I speak, and I am fully aware of the fact that I make mistakes. like I said, this post has little to do with grammar.
    Posted by precamies[/QUOTE]

    This makes no sense whatsoever.
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  • What other languages do you speak? I'm honestly just curious.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:9ed61aeb-f9b3-4fe5-8477-128b1b1921cf">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]well, to begin with, I don't really attempt to correct anyone's grammar because it rarely bothers me. if you'd like me to start capitalizing my sentences, I can do that. I normally don't because I use all caps when I handwrite. so then I end up sort of doing the opposite when I type. I don't have any trouble with people correcting my grammar, just to be clear. English is one of 5 languages that I speak, and I am fully aware of the fact that I make mistakes. like I said, this post has little to do with grammar.
    Posted by precamies[/QUOTE]
    I get your what your post is about and quite honestly I don't appreciate being talked to like a two-year-old and being told how to play nice with others.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:02538e59-4e54-42bc-8df4-a1ad3ce024fc">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: in order to explain myself properly : This makes no sense whatsoever.
    Posted by michellep1[/QUOTE]


    Here's me starting to capitalize my senteces.
    It does make sense to me. I never have to capitalize if I use all caps when I handwrite. So I end up not doing it when I type either. Maybe that explains it better.
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  • I feel like we are beating a dead horse. how many times are we going to have to discuss this??
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:9158a92a-0c94-4925-93ca-fcd6fc7b417a">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: in order to explain myself properly : I get your what your post is about and quite honestly I don't appreciate being talked to like a two-year-old and being told how to play nice with others.
    Posted by LiveLaughLove04[/QUOTE]


    I wasn't trying to talk down. I just think that there is no reason why some common courtesy couldn't be practiced. For the most part it is already, really.
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  • I rarely read something in here and think "wow, that was rude".. because I don't read it with a snotty tone. That's on you and how you're reading it. I got into an annoying habit of a posting style with :)'s and lol's all over the place (and it drove me nuts) because people always thought I was being a jerk, when really I just say it how I see it. If you could hear the tone, that's one thing. But this is all based on your own reading.

    I guess I don't understand the whole point of this, when people make new threads to clarify. It usually was clarified before and people still disagree. You're on a wedding website with a bunch of women, from various parts of the country/world, who have a ton of wedding stress. It can't be all sunshine.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:aaa3c58c-fdf0-470e-8465-a626ef8c64f8">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: in order to explain myself properly : I wasn't trying to talk down. I just think that there is no reason why some common courtesy couldn't be practiced. For the most part it is already, really.
    Posted by precamies[/QUOTE]
    Then I really just don't get the point of continuing to argue that the group is clique-y and mean or whatever.  And this isn't just to you because I know you're not the only one that has pointed it out.
  • Alright then, no more beating the poor horse. :)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:e0ebd163-6956-4863-a8cf-34ef251c0d83">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: in order to explain myself properly : Agreed! Midge is a sweetie pie, she just tells it like it is. Also - adults should be able to speak coherently, use correct spelling (hint: there is a spell check button) and format paragraphs. If you type posts that sound like you're a child, we'll respond as such.
    Posted by MiksChick23[/QUOTE]

    This response is still condescending and assuming that every adult has the same level of literacy and in an ideal world, they should all be proficient.  Real facts are that 22% of adults are below basic skills in quantitative literacy.  Some of us here have college degrees, some of us may not, and some may not have a high school degree or less.

    We don't need to point out or make a deal about someone that may not use a "period" or "comma" where they should.  An entire post about it is just not good either.
      
    We're all brides that just need help or to vent or whatever but because something's not capitalized isn't a crime. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:63b83880-f370-4fcc-811a-da67034084df">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel like we are beating a dead horse. how many times are we going to have to discuss this??
    Posted by Ash61612[/QUOTE]

    Yes!  This!
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  • So....what languages do you speak, precamies?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:aaa3c58c-fdf0-470e-8465-a626ef8c64f8">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: in order to explain myself properly : I wasn't trying to talk down. I just think that there is no reason why some common courtesy couldn't be practiced. For the most part it is already, really.
    Posted by precamies[/QUOTE]

    Oookay then why bring it up again? Especially to publicly call people out in a passive aggressive way?  If you truly have a beef with someone, be an adult and PM them.

    There's no way to tell people to be more respectful without being condescending.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:4d983df8-83b8-4afc-b2b7-28e3e2016e7d">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: in order to explain myself properly : This response is still condescending and assuming that every adult has the same level of literacy and in an ideal world, they should all be proficient.  Real facts are that 22% of adults are below basic skills in quantitative literacy.  Some of us here have college degrees, some of us may not, and some may not have a high school degree or less. We don't need to point out or make a deal about someone that may not use a "period" or "comma" where they should.  An entire post about it is just not good either.    We're all brides that just need help or to vent or whatever but because something's not capitalized isn't a crime. 
    Posted by Micaela2007[/QUOTE]

    That is why Jess has said numerous times that she (and others) correct posters to help them. I'm not sure how you missed that point. No one is doing it to judge others.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:e4064e1a-d5a5-4c47-90a8-bbfb95a8a036">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: in order to explain myself properly : That is why Jess has said numerous times that she (and others) correct posters to help them. I'm not sure how you missed that point. No one is doing it to judge others.
    Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

    Whatever judgy McJudgypants

    :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:43eae2b6-77c1-4eb3-99dd-27ac261f1538">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: in order to explain myself properly : Whatever judgy McJudgypants :)
    Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]

    That sounded condescending. We are no longer friends.
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  • So this board is also here to help fight adult illiteracy and wedding planning!  That's awesome!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_in-order-to-explain-myself-properly?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:12d9d299-712a-47f5-874f-016f5859a7c1Post:21f746dd-2b45-423f-8243-fd48da574605">Re: in order to explain myself properly</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: in order to explain myself properly : That sounded condescending. We are no longer friends.
    Posted by chelseakopperud[/QUOTE]

    What can I say? I'm a horrible condescending person.
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