Just Engaged and Proposals

Stability & security vs. Passion

Recently my bestfriend and I had a conversation about his proposal to his girlfriend of three years.

He said that after three years he may as well get married. Throughout their relationship he's vented to me about their relationship not being passionate enough...

We've always looked out for eachother and I worry that he's choosing stability and security over passion.

All three I think are equally important and I was just wondering if this has the makings to be unhealthy?

September 2011 - August Siggy Challenge

<i>Honeymoon Location!</i>

<img src="http://i55.tinypic.com/r7ujja.png"> <BR>
<img src="http://i54.tinypic.com/2cii92g.jpg"> 84
<img src=http://tinyurl.com/5e5xyn /> 49 <img src=http://tinyurl.com/5acwqr /> 25
<img src=http://tinyurl.com/65h7dw /> 10

RSVP DATE: Aug 15<bR>
<a href="http://dandreaj.weebly.com/index.html">[<b>Planning</b>]</a>

Re: Stability &amp;amp; security vs. Passion

  • That first burning passion does and will fade with time.  As long as they have the slow smoldering burn of passion, I wouldn't say he's trading off.

    Now, if it's completely passionless then that's a different ballgame.
  • That is a tough situation... Although I would say the way they are going about the marriage is not the run of the mill ideal love story, that does not mean it is doomed for failure. From the beginning of time people have been marrying for stability and security. It can be done, and who knows... maybe passion will come from their engagement and marriage. Love after-all is not an emotion. It is a choice to stay with and support a person no matter what life throws at you. If they are both adults I would let them do what they think is best. If they have been dating three years they must have some love, else they would never have made it that long. 

  • Studies show that white hot passion you feel for someone fades after a year, so it's not that unusual to hear the "passion" has faded. However, if there's no attraction at all, then I'd say there's a problem.

    A long term relationship does indeed mean stability and security, and that's never a bad thing. I'd tell him that instead of complaining about the lack of passion, he should do something about it. Arrange a weekend away, bring some toys into the bedroom, work on being more affectionate. Passion dying out is an all too common problem and can often be easily remedied, as long as there is some affection still there.
  • Passion does ebb and flow. So does stability and security for that matter. Uncertainty is a fact of life :)

    However, I certainly would not marry someone with who I could not also share passion with, along with commitment, honesty, trust and all the rest of that stuff. And, a commitment to keeping those passionate fires burning between us.

    If he has complained about the lack of passion frequently through the relationship, it is not going to get better once they are married.

    My biggest concern is that his "reason" or motivation to marry her is "after three years he might as well". That's a terrible reason to marry someone. He should marry her as he genuinely wants to spend his life with her, not because he fears going out on his own or because he's put in some sort of "relationship timeline" where now he "might as well".

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards