Bouquet and Garter Toss

LishaC1019 · April 2010

I attended my first wedding in November where I saw the bouquet and garter toss. Having never attended a wedding prior, I did not know what came after the tosses. I was shocked to learn that the guy who catches the garter must slip it on the lady who catches the bouquet, which made me glad I did not catch the bouquet.

My wedding is next year and I'm debating whether or not to include the bouquet and garter toss. I don't mind doing it but I wouldn't want to include the part where the guy must slip the garter on the girl as I feel this would make a lot of guests(or maybe just myself) uncomfortable. This would especially be the case if they didn't fully understand what is expected when you catch the bouquet or garter, like I didn't.

My mom wants to include this tradition and since she is contributing to the reception I feel she has some say. Should I forgo it altogether or compromise and have it without the part that makes me uncomfortable?

danieliza1127 · April 2010

The guy that catches it doesn't have to do that. In fact, every wedding is usually different in some way. Sometimes the guy that catches the garter just has to dance with the girl that catches the bouquet, or have their picture taken together. It's really up the bride and groom to decide what, if anything, they want to tell the DJ to do after it's done. You don't have to make them do anything at all if you don't want to.

We chose to skip the bouquet and garter toss at our wedding. At most weddings I've been to, most people are embarrassed to get up there and try to catch it anyway, and it ends up being mostly kids trying to catch it. Plus we didn't have very many, if any, single people anyway so it just didn't make sense for us to do it.

MISSCOURTNEY20 · April 2010

That is why I am soooo glad that we are paying for our wedding ourselves. I HATE the garter and bouquet tosses. We are going to have a couples dance. All of the couples will get on the dance floor and will be asked off of the dance floor based upon how long they have been married. The last couple on the floor will be the longest couple married. They will get the garter and bouquet and take pictures with me and my FH. And by the way, I have been to a bunch of weddings and I have never seen the guy who cathes the garter put it on the woman who caught the bouquet.

LisaTyler1984 · April 2010

I may do the bouquet toss (still undecided) but the garter thing is a liitle skeevy and not many people do it anymore. Just because your mom is paying, doesn't mean you HAVE to do it. It is still YOUR wedding and I'm sure she'll understand. She's paying because she loves you and wants you to have a good party; it's still your party and for something so silly as the garter toss, that is up to you.

LishaC1019 · April 2010

Thanks ladies. I feel better knowing there is more than one option for bouquet/garter toss traditions. I would much rather not have it but I wasn't sure if it was a must have. I like the idea of just doing the bouquet toss. I guess even though the guests will be people I know, I still wouldn't feel comfortable with the attention the garter toss brings.

JoeyOz · April 2010

I think it's skeevy too. Can you ask your mom why she wants to include it? Maybe she thinks it's funny and you could come up with another way to incorporate humor into the reception? I would hope if you tell her how uncomfortable you find it she would get the hint and not push for it.

catemeg · April 2010

Here's a horror story to make you think twice about a garter/bouquet toss tradition - at my boyfriend's sister's wedding, their 15 year old sister caught the bouquet and her mother's boyfriend caught the garter.... AWKWARD!

I find the garter trashy in general - that all seems rather personal and intimate to be having at a wedding. So personally I plan on skipping that. Also, a bouquet toss is sort of awkward for all your female friends - some might find it fun, but others will feel embarrassed.

The nicest thing I've seen with the bouquet is having all the married couples in the room stand up, and have the MC/DJ/Band Leader ask them to remain standing if they've been married 2 years.... 5 years.... 10 years.... etc. The couple that has been married the longest (typically a set of grandparents or great aunt/uncle) are presented with the bouquet. I find this celebrates marriage rather than singledom, and makes people feel happy to be honored for their commitment.

tammie11 · April 2010

This is the 2nd marriage for both of us & I asked this same question on another message board. We are not doing the garter or bouquet toss. It's your wedding, you can do what you want.

katieanne85 · April 2010

the only wedding Ive been to the grooms 30y/o brother caught the garter, but the flowergirl caught the bouquet.... mad awkward. He ended up giving it to the ring bearer who put it over the flowergirls arm, which salvaged it into a cute moment, but yeah, there will be none of that at my wedding, no one will be under my dress or anyone elses if I can help it

its also mostly family at the wedding, not too many singles so it would be that much more awkward for the ones who are their

LEESHY09 · April 2010

I have been to many weddings and never seen the guy that catches the garter slip it on the girl that caught the bouquet. It may depend on the area, I am not sure. If you are dead set against it then don't include it. We are including it because I love traditions, and so does FI. I am putting the garget closer to my knee though so he dosn't have to search for it and make it any more awkward!

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