What should I say (if anything)?

chumlee7478 · April 2012

Morning ladies!

One of my relatives gave us checks for our shower, one from her and her husband, one from my great aunt and uncle (she's a signatory on their account and manages their finances). She sent the checks after the shower. Once we received them, I immediately sent thank you notes to both her/husband and my great aunt/uncle, waited a day or two, then cashed the checks.

We got hit yesterday with two "insufficient funds" charges from our bank because both checks bounced. We were able to get the charges reversed, and the bank returned the fees. I don't want to say anything to my great aunt and uncle, but should I say anything to their daughter (the one that sent the checks in the first place)? I'm not sure if their accounts were compromised/hacked, etc.

Any advice? I feel super bad and not sure if I should just ignore it.

midgetthemighty · April 2012

I wouldn't say anything either.

How's your mom?

sleepyb · April 2012

I would say that it depends on your relationship. If you're close enough, I would definitely let them know. I know when a roommate gave me a check and it bounced, he wasn't informed of it by his bank.

kcscejal · April 2012

I wouldn't say anything either.

chumlee7478 · April 2012

I'm close to their daughter, I just still feel weird and awkward about it. FI was only thinking I should say something in case they don't manage their account online. It would take 7-10 days for them to be notified of the lack of funds. I don't think I'll say anything at this point. I deposited the checks last Thursday, we got notified yesterday, so I'd guess they'd get something in the mail this week.

Midget, my mom is home. She was discharged late yesterday. I wish I could say she came home both feeling better AND nicer/kinder, but she only came home feeling better and hopefully over pneumonia. She still found time last night to leave me two of the nastiest voicemails I've ever gotten in my life. I'd like to blame medications, but she's been on these meds before with no mental status changes, so it's really just her hatred of me coming through all over again. Sunday should be a BLAST!

chumlee7478 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-should-i-say-if-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4a74483-09e7-435c-a44e-f8f383485231Post:8637cdf4-ca72-4082-bc51-c08ba92b3d51">Re: What should I say (if anything)?</a>:
[QUOTE]Chumlee, at this point just smile and walk away. <strong>Or let your FI check the voicemail.</strong> I'm glad your mom is better because now I can go back to being really pissed at her. Hey, *I'm* excited for your wedding, if that means anything. :)
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

That's EXACTLY what we're doing. He got the VMs last night and he thought he deleted them before I had to hear them. Unfortuately, he accidentally saved them, and they were the first ones I heard this am when I was checking VMs on my phone before I went to work. He now knows to hit 7 instead of # or 9. Delete, buddy, delete!!!

I'm excited too! I am just putting her and her negativity on the shelf. She's burning our relationship and can't see it happening in front of her. That's her problem. I don't have to see her before Saturday at the rehearsal, and then at the wedding. Those two days will be the days I see/talk to her, not before then. If it's OK for my brother to go 5-7 days without talking to her, it's ok for me to do so too.

Loopyseven · April 2012

Typically a bank will send a notice in the mail that items were presented for payment that resulted in insufficient funds, and will note on the form whether the items were paid (account overdrawn to a negative balance) or if they were returned for insufficient funds. I would not say anything to them, as that would be awkward.

[Deleted User] · April 2012

I agree with the awkward but...I don't know...part of me says to say something because it seems like there might be something wonky going on. Are they usually really bad with money/often in debt? It just seems weird that they'd write checks from two different accounts, not knowing that BOTH of them were no good. And I wouldn't necessarily trust for them to know on their own. I know people that don't get notices of insufficient funds. I also know people who don't read their statements. And, if this isn't their usual checking account (like, it's one they use for special purposes or something), there's no guarantee they'll be using that check/debit card for some time, to thus find out that way.

That being said, it would be really awkward to say something. So...I really don't know whether it's better to avoid the possibly awkward hard feelings or to let them know in case there is something screwy going on and they're not aware.

specialk84 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-should-i-say-if-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4a74483-09e7-435c-a44e-f8f383485231Post:8637cdf4-ca72-4082-bc51-c08ba92b3d51">Re: What should I say (if anything)?</a>:
[QUOTE]Chumlee, at this point just smile and walk away. Or let your FI check the voicemail. I'm glad your mom is better because now I can go back to being really pissed at her. Hey, *I'm* excited for your wedding, if that means anything. :)
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

All of this. I am super excited for your wedding, and I hope everything goes as well as it possibly can.

chumlee7478 · April 2012

I don't know how my great uncle is with money, but my great aunt was an accountant, and she was excellent with money. Not sure how their daughter is though. There's no way my great aunt and uncle have a debit card or look at their account online, so there'd be no way for them to know. Their daughter's address is listed on their checks now (they live with her), so they might not be looking at statements either.

I think I'm going to avoid awkward-ness now. If we get checks for the wedding though, I think I'll have to say something if they bounce again. Hopefully their daughter has been notified by now about the insufficient funds and has taken steps to recitify things. For all I know their accounts were hacked. Ours was three weeks ago just as large checks were going out to vendors, so I'm sure it can happen to anyone.

Eagles and Special, thank you for the well wishes! I find it odd but very nice that complete internet strangers are happy for my wedding day, but my own flesh and blood is choosing to make herself miserable. I'm on Mission: Ignore Mother until Monday afternoon, then I get to ignore her for another week while we're away.

CFM102012 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-should-i-say-if-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4a74483-09e7-435c-a44e-f8f383485231Post:5fadc10d-758e-4839-acaf-34a60e79dea0">Re: What should I say (if anything)?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What should I say (if anything)? : YES. If she corners you somehow, just brush her off. "Sorry Mom, I'm in the middle of something at work." "Oh, can't talk right this second, I have to help FI move the dresser/couch/coffee table." "Oops, gotta go, I have the runs!" Any excuse will do.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

<div>My friend absolutely hates talking to her mother. So when she calls her mother back, she times it so it's about 5 minutes before dinner or some such so she can say "Oh, dinner's ready. Gotta go!"</div>

chumlee7478 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_what-should-i-say-if-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:b4a74483-09e7-435c-a44e-f8f383485231Post:b0b98cef-ab68-407d-a7ce-91e32d271cc5">Re: What should I say (if anything)?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What should I say (if anything)? : My friend absolutely hates talking to her mother. So when she calls her mother back, she times it so it's about 5 minutes before dinner or some such so she can say "Oh, dinner's ready. Gotta go!"
Posted by CFM102012[/QUOTE]

My co worker (God love her) just sent me a list of reasons why I can't take a call from my mother. Dinner's ready, I'm getting in an elevator and I'll lose the signal, my boss needs to talk to me, I'm getting on the train, I'm on the toliet, I dropped my phone in the sink--sorry about the gurgling noise, the dog took a dump on the rug, etc.

I'm sure I'll burn through these by Saturday. That's the sad thing.

midgetthemighty · April 2012

Chum, sorry for asking then running off! I got sucked into a few other things.

I'm glad she's been discharged and is home but I'm sorry she's still not being too kind. I'm excited for your wedding too! Hang in there!

[Deleted User] · July 2012

I wouldn't say anything. They're probably already embaressed enough. And if you think that their accounts were compromised/hacked, then they're probably find out another way.

What should I say (if anything)?

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