Roommate Issue

gracefulduck88 · December 2009

I moved into my apartment with a college roommate about a year and a half ago. I want to stay in the apartment when I get married in May. We both signed our lease, so we both have equal right to stay there. I did however do all the legwork to find the apartment and she did not contribute at all. I put all the ultilities in my name and I am the one responsible to make sure they get paid on time every month. I am not finished with college yet. I am getting married a week after the end of the spring semester and that is an impossible time to move. Living with my FH is not an option before we get married.
I don't want to create an issue and I hate confrontation. She is finishing college this semester and does not have a job for the next semester so I would think it would be easier for her to move on and let my FH move in after we get married. She has made it very clear that she is not planning on going anywhere (aka not going to budge). What do I do?

megandryan24 · December 2009

That puts you in a really tough situation, but I've had some bad experience with roommates myself, and I would recommend just sitting down and talking about it. Making sure you explain it in the exact way that you did above, getting all the details in, and let her know why it would be so much easier for her to move out.

Obviously it's not your responsibility, especially since you found the apartment you're already in, but possibly offer to help her find another place, maybe even one that already has someone in it who is just looking for another roommate?

Just try to avoid an ill-hearted confrontation if at all possible, that'll just make it even less likely that you guys will ever work things out.

Good luck!! =]

goheels05 · December 2009

I don't think finding the apartment and putting the utilities in your name gives you any more rights than she has. You two are equal "partners" in this roommate thing. You can't make her move out. If you want to live with your husband and she doesn't want to move out, you're going to have to move out.

But I also think you are worrying prematurely. Graduating, getting a job, and moving out of the college apartment is a natural progression of events. Lots of soon-to-be-grads don't have a job lined up for May in December, especially in this economy. Give things some time, and talk about it next spring if you still think she has no plans of moving out.

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

Looks like you and your FI need to start looking for a place to move into after the wedding.

Just because you did the leg work to find the place doesn't mean you have any more right to it than your roommate. In fact, you are the one getting married and therefore creating the need to change living situations, so it seems to me that she has more rights to it.

If the lease doesn't run out before your move date, you'll probably need to start looking for someone to sublet your portion of the lease.

aerinpegadrak · December 2009

I didn't have an apartment lined up until about two weeks before graduation, so she's probably just not thinking that far yet.

I think it's perfectly reasonable that your new husband should move in with you after you're married. I think you should sit down for a conversation and let the roommate know that your husband intends to move in. It still remains her decision whether she wants to move out, and you may have to deal with a third wheel for a little while. But getting pressured to find a new place to live is not a fun thing to deal with, so you should try to take a low key approach.

SarahPLiz · December 2009

All of the PPs have valid points, IMO. FWIW, my sister and BIL lived with at least one roommate for 10 out of the 12 years they have been married. At one time, there were 5 couples living in one large house. It happens, especially for those just getting out of college or in grad school.

Just because he moves in doesn't mean she has to move out. Since you created the change, I think it makes more sense for you to move into a new place with your DH after your wedding and help her find someone to take over your part of what is remaining on the lease.

eastunder1 · December 2009

I think since you are the one creating the need to change the living circumstances (getting married), you need to be the one moving. Not her. How is that fair that because YOUR situation will be growing, she should have to move? It's not. Have a talk with her absolutely and discuss things, but this mindset that she somehow needs to move and you don't needs to go.

I also think its terribly inconsiderate to consider that he should move in with you both. That's not what she signed up for. Again, she has altered nothing. You have. Therefore, if she isn't planning to leave anyways upon graduation, you should be the one leaving the home. Not her.

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

I read it as him moving in with the two of you wasn't an option, that you wanted her to move out.

If you want to move him in with the two of you, that's only ok if she agrees, and you'll have to come to a new agreement about how to divide expenses.

diana333 · December 2009

Well i think you should sit down with your roomate and let her know exactly what it is that you want! You are getting married (not her) so she should not be kicked to the curb. If she is on the lease and is paying bills then she has a say so. It would not be fair to assume she is leaving because you are getting married. Maybe you could come to some agreement that would work for the three of you, if not you may be apartment hunting! Best of luck!

pandasquishy · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_roommate-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ac03c479-e8ab-450c-b6ab-242795e88836Post:82580df9-a13a-4844-8df7-12c2a4e8bee3">Re: Roommate Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]I think since you are the one creating the need to change the living circumstances (getting married), you need to be the one moving. Not her. How is that fair that because YOUR situation will be growing, she should have to move? It's not. Have a talk with her absolutely and discuss things, but this mindset that she somehow needs to move and you don't needs to go. I also think its terribly inconsiderate to consider that he should move in with you both. That's not what she signed up for. Again, she has altered nothing. You have. Therefore, if she isn't planning to leave anyways upon graduation, you should be the one leaving the home. Not her.
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>100% this. Look at it from her perspective.

</div>

redheadfsu · December 2009

When does the lease end? Your husband should not move in unless the landlord & your roommate ok it. She does not have to move until the end of the lease.

Are you saying your future husband wants to sublet her 1/2 of the apartment fees? So she can just leave & not worry about getting someone else to sublet? Just tell her this. But it is completely her decision.

You signed the lease & then decided on your wedding date. This is because of your bad planning, please don't take it out on her.

AdeleDazeem · December 2009

All I'm saying is if my roommate suggested her new husband move into our apartment with us after they get married, I'd have some issues. It's just not right to think this is a viable option unless you two have a serious conversation about it or she offers.

I agree 100% with East. I realize you went to all the trouble to find the apartment, set up utilities, etc... but this doesn't make you owner of the apartment. You are changing the situation and this means you amend your situation to fit. If this means moving out because she doesn't want to go, then you move out.

LarissaAnn · December 2009

You know, I lived in my apartment a good 6 months before my friend/roommate moved in. The lease and utilities were all in my name. Most of the furniture and decor was mine, and would be a royal pita to move. I still didn't even consider booting my friend out when I decided to get married mid-lease. I gave him enough warning to get another roommate, transferred the lease and utilities, and H & I found a new place to live. Moving sucked, but it was the right thing to do.

lyndausvi · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_roommate-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ac03c479-e8ab-450c-b6ab-242795e88836Post:e18dcac9-45ac-41a9-baaf-255589d13348">Roommate Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]. What do I do?
Posted by gracefulduck88[/QUOTE]

Look for a new place? You are BOTH on the lease, she has every right to stay. Who cares if you did leg work?

noelle24 · December 2009

My honest opinion is that you are being ridiculous. Finding the apt and having the utilities in your name doesn't give you more of a claim than she does. Frankly, YOU are the one getting married and creating a need to change living arrangements. YOUR poor planning (i.e., setting a wedding date that close to graduation) is no reason to make her move instead. You are not entitled to this apartment in any way, and to ask your roommate to move just because you are getting married is selfish and rude.

Honestly, why wouldn't you want to move to an apartment that is new for both you and your FI/H? When your H moved in, would the apt still be more "yours" because you were there first? Think of this as an exciting opportunity to move into a new place with your new H and set up house from scratch, in a way that it will be truly yours and your new H's.

squirrly · December 2009

You need to talk to her. Let her know that it's your intent to live with your to-be-DH, either in that apartment or in another one. If she wants to stay in the apartment, then you move out. If she can't handle the lease on her own and decides that she, too, would have to move, then you have the option to stay. You can't kick her out, though, and you shouldn't try.

pooh8402 · December 2009

I've found that moving at the end of the spring semester to be the EASIEST time to move in a college town--a bunch of people just graduated and many places are open. of course, you have to sign a lease and reserve an apartment like 3 months in advance before all the good ones are taken, but yea, I found that it's the easiest time to move. as a matter of fact, I am graduating in the spring, EIGHT DAYS before my wedding and moving into the house that FI and I are buying. I'm basically graduating, wedding, honeymooning, moving, and taking my licensing exam to be a nurse, all in the span of about 5 weeks. moving in the spring is not impossible.

if I were you, I'd move. she's not budging, and she has a right to stay, as you said. and moving into a new place with your new husband kinda makes it more "our" place rather than "my" place that your new husband moved into. you know what I mean?

[Deleted User] · December 2009

Since you are the one getting married and creating the need for someone to move, you should be the one to move.

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