Courtesy Invites

NJhousewife22 · November 2010

My mom and I are at an impasse with courtesy invites. I am attempting to have a small wedding as my church only holds 90ish people. The Fiancee and I are paying for nearly the entire thing ourselves, aside from some misc. items and my dress from my parents (this was by choice, my parents offered to pay for our wedding, but we declined) and my mom seems to think she can STILL add to the guest list! I cut out most of her family since they are far away and I don't have a relationship with them, but she INSISTS that I send courtesy invites. I'm afraid of gambling on the chance that they WILL come and no having any room at the church for them, but she says it's a slap in the face to NOT invite them. Thoughts?

Mrs.B6302007 · November 2010

Your mom is wrong. They only people who should be on your guest list are the people you can fit in your venue.

balasj · November 2010

Not sure if you feel appropriate doing this but your mom could test the waters and see if the relatives will come... I have a small family and my father's only sister and her daughters live across the country. My dad just had a casual convo with her and inquired if they were all going to make the trip. We found out that it most likely will just be my aunt coming. If you are just a few people over your limit you are most likely safe to send out a few extras but anything more than 10% over and you could be looking for trouble.

Definitely best to set the list first before committing to a venue but sometimes its hard - random other friends/relatives just seem to pop out of the woodwork!

jemmini6 · November 2010

My mom wanted me to do the same thing and when I told her no because I didn't want them actually show up, she suggested I just send out wedding 'announcements'. I think that's even more tacky, it's like saying, we don't like you enough to invite you, but we thought we'd let you know so you can send us a gift.

Basically, I'm only inviting people that I want and have room for them to come. Everyone else will find out by word of mouth that I got married.

SaraAndrew2010 · November 2010

You never know who will end up accepting your invitation to the wedding. Don't invite anyone you don't want to come. Your relatives that you aren't close to may decide that your wedding is the perfect time to get together for a family reunion.

mgmlove · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_courtesy-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea6fa710-45a9-48fa-9b15-a403ae674e2cPost:19ed67b9-9dbc-4a9f-974b-e575d10d1b7d">Re: Courtesy Invites</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom wanted me to do the same thing and when I told her no because I didn't want them actually show up, she suggested I just send out wedding 'announcements'. I think that's even more tacky, it's like saying, we don't like you enough to invite you, but we thought we'd let you know so you can send us a gift. Basically, I'm only inviting people that I want and have room for them to come. Everyone else will find out by word of mouth that I got married.
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

Wedding announcements are usually sent out after wedding has already taken place. I don't think people feel obligated to send gifts because of them. And, i'm not positive, but I don't think they are considered bad etiquette.

NJhousewife22 · November 2010

I'm so glad I wasn't being unreasonable about the courtesy invites. My mom was making me feel like a monster.

Our compromise ended up being that we will have a family reunion dinner party a few months after our wedding in the local area where my mom's family lives and send those save the dates around the same time we send our wedding invitations. Hopefully that will keep the family peace!

Courtesy Invites

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