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April 2012 Weddings

VENT...can I say I cant wait for the wedding to be over?

My wedding is three weeks from Friday and I have yet to master a chill, go with the flow attitude...now my mother is driving me crazy.  We bump heads on everything (even before the wedding and engagement) and she is not a nurturing, sweet kind of mama, she's all piss and vinegar!  Dont get me wrong, I love her, but as a daughter sometimes you want someone to rub your back and say its okay- I never get that, I get the "this is reality,blah blah blah"

 Our room for the reception is U shaped around the dance floor and is not totally symmetrical so one side has a couple of less tables one side has more.  My family is huge and my parents invtied friends too...my finaces family is only 3 tables-counting the head! 

I told my mom some of our tables will be on the opposite side of the room she and my dad are on and she flipped her lid..Im like "dont you think it would look just a little werid to have 12 tables on one side and 4 on the other?...... She is so selfish, shes like " We cant have our people on the other side of the room!!!  How can you possibly think thats okay?"  Ugh.  I am so done with everything, I could care less about seating cards and programs and just want to be married to my bff and be on our honeymoon just the two of us!  Whaaaa!!!  Sorry for the rant. 

I love the April board btw...everyone is so nice here!

Re: VENT...can I say I cant wait for the wedding to be over?

  • Oh geez!!! That definitely sounds stressful and I'm with you! I can't wait for the wedding to be over so I stop stressing about everything! My Mom isn't too involved with the planning, sooo atleast you have yours to talk to? IDK, I'm trying to be optimistic here! I don't think I've ever seen his familys tables on one side and her familys table on another side.... or maybe I haven't payed enough attention to that. :)

    Good luck! I hope it gets better!

    I love April 2012 knotties too!!!
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  • Yes, it is okay for you to want the wedding to be over. I've been looking forward to honeymoon since I booked it 4 months ago! Maybe you could put your younger cousins (18-30ish) on the FI side of the room, because your mom probably won't miss them and they probably won't care being separated.

  • That is annoying.  If you have different amount of guests on each side of the family they may be spread out.  Not sure why she would expect everyone to be together. 

    It will be over soon
  • starree444starree444 member
    100 Comments
    edited March 2012
    I can`t wait for it to be over either... I just want it to be the day after, and to be celebrating at brunch with our family.
  • Oh she just needs to get over that. We have 10 tables and of those, ONE has FI's family. The rest are my friends/family. That would look ridiculous. Fortunately for me, my mom has been pretty good. The only wrinkle was that I wanted to have one table with both sets of parents and the bridal party, all together. It can fit in 1 table. She couldn't get her head around it because supposedly the parents should each have their own table with family. Whatever. I let her have that one. 
  • First, let me concur that April Knotties are the best!  I don't post very often and never really introduced myself but I find myself on the April board when I am stressed or need to calm down. 

    Can't offer much regarding the seating situation. My reception is DIY and pretty informal at an American Legion Hall. No assigned seating and just a big ol' rectangular room where people will gravitate toward those they know and sit at tables they choose.  I think it would be kind of sad if your FI's much smaller group of guests were sort of spotlighted by being seated in a small group of tables while the other side of the U has a ton more tables and guests. 

    As for your mom, she sounds like a no nonsense lady who is probably fantastic in most situations. I no longer have my mom but much of the time, she was the same way.  If I still had her with me, I'd just tell her that for just a few minutes I needed her to pat my head and hold me and tell me that everything will be great. Then she could go back to being practical and smart and wonderful in her own way. 

    Good luck to you.  Everything will work and you'll be married soooooo soon!
  • I'm sorry! That is annoying. Figuring out tables is stressful enough on it's own! So were slightly similar that 8 tables are mine and 4 are fi family and friends. I put my friends and 20 yr old cousins on the side of the room as his fam and I just put my three next to each other. It would just look silly to seperate them when the tables aren't even! I would explain to your mom it's just for dinner, and won't be the whole night b/c people will be up mingling and dancing! Also, she will probably have a better view of the people directly across the dance floor from her than she will of someone at a table at say the back but on her same side, if that's really her concern? I think even the most level headed parents can have last minute freaks especially if they have been involved and paid. My mom has very recently gotten a little more spastic about things, but for me it's a recent thing so I'm just thinking it's stress since she's the only parent living in the state the wedding is in, and I moved away so she's doing a lot. Hopefully if you try to just let some of her craziness role off your back and the Try to talk to her calmly about the rest of the stuff it will all work out! Good luck!
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  • pattib5pattib5 member
    100 Comments
    edited March 2012
    What an odd thing for your mom to freak out over! Just don't bring that up with her again. By the time the actual day of the wedding rolls around, she'll be too preoccupied with everyone at the wedding and being the MOB to notice where everyone is sitting.

    And NO you're not the only who can't wait for the wedding to be over! I've been super sad this week because most of my friends can't make the wedding, while almost all of my FI's friends will be there. And just to kick me while I'm down, two of my friends who can't make it accused me of purposefully planning an OOT Friday night wedding just so more guests would decline so I wouldn't have to pay for them. Which couldn't be farther from the truth. We planned a small, Friday night wedding because we wanted something intimate and in a place that meant something to us. I understand people declining, but don't I get to be sad about it?! Especially when these friends went dress shopping with me, were super excited about wedding planning, insisted they get invites, planned what they were going to wear, where they were going to stay, etc, for almost the entire year leading up to the wedding. 

    And it's not only just these two particular friends ... literally nearly ALL of my friends declined. I know an OOT Friday night wedding isn't the easiest to attend ... but with almost 100% acceptance from my FI's side, what does that say about the kind of friend and person I am?

    Most of the planning process has been smooth, but this has by far been the worst week of the whole process. I literally have 3 friends attending my wedding and it just makes me sad to see that.

    Sorry to hijack your thread! lol
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_ventcan-i-say-i-cant-wait-for-the-wedding-to-be-over?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:0a28eaab-834d-4e9c-a8c8-18e18df447f5Post:dcda9e1c-05fb-4c31-a433-136b527f959e">Re: VENT...can I say I cant wait for the wedding to be over?</a>:
    [QUOTE]What an odd thing for your mom to freak out over! Just don't bring that up with her again. By the time the actual day of the wedding rolls around, she'll be too preoccupied with everyone at the wedding and being the MOB to notice where everyone is sitting. And NO you're not the only who can't wait for the wedding to be over! I've been super sad this week because most of my friends can't make the wedding, while almost all of my FI's friends will be there. And just to kick me while I'm down, two of my friends who can't make it accused me of purposefully planning an OOT Friday night wedding just so more guests would decline so I wouldn't have to pay for them. Which couldn't be farther from the truth. We planned a small, Friday night wedding because we wanted something intimate and in a place that meant something to us. I understand people declining, but don't I get to be sad about it?! Especially when these friends went dress shopping with me, were super excited about wedding planning, insisted they get invites, planned what they were going to wear, where they were going to stay, etc, for almost the entire year leading up to the wedding.  And it's not only just these two particular friends ... literally nearly ALL of my friends declined. I know an OOT Friday night wedding isn't the easiest to attend ... but with almost 100% acceptance from my FI's side, what does that say about the kind of friend and person I am? Most of the planning process has been smooth, but this has by far been the worst week of the whole process. I literally have 3 friends attending my wedding and it just makes me sad to see that. Sorry to hijack your thread! lol
    Posted by pattib5[/QUOTE]
    Aww, that's rough. I'd be upset too. I'd imagine that during all of that planning time, they were well aware of the date/time/location. So, if they had a problem with it, why wait until the end to say it? <div>
    </div><div>The one thing that I tell absolutely every newly engaged bride I meet is that the wedding planning process shows you who your true friends are. The truth is revealed. Unfortunately, it's not always pretty. Family can be alienated and friends can prove to be useless. It's a rough experience, especially when you are already hypersensitive due to the emotions. </div><div>
    </div><div>Honestly, I view it like this. I'm glad that I found this out now, rather than later. It makes me so sad to look at some people's wedding pictures and for them to moan about how this person or that person ended up being terrible and did this and that. My FSIL doesn't even talk to one of her BM's anymore. I'd rather delete those people from my life now, rather than later. </div>
  • pattib5pattib5 member
    100 Comments
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_ventcan-i-say-i-cant-wait-for-the-wedding-to-be-over?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:0a28eaab-834d-4e9c-a8c8-18e18df447f5Post:4895c793-c102-426c-a018-103e224dec1b">Re: VENT...can I say I cant wait for the wedding to be over?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: VENT...can I say I cant wait for the wedding to be over? : Aww, that's rough. I'd be upset too. I'd imagine that during all of that planning time, they were well aware of the date/time/location. So, if they had a problem with it, why wait until the end to say it?  The one thing that I tell absolutely every newly engaged bride I meet is that the wedding planning process shows you who your true friends are. The truth is revealed. Unfortunately, it's not always pretty. Family can be alienated and friends can prove to be useless. It's a rough experience, especially when you are already hypersensitive due to the emotions.  Honestly, I view it like this. I'm glad that I found this out now, rather than later. It makes me so sad to look at some people's wedding pictures and for them to moan about how this person or that person ended up being terrible and did this and that. My FSIL doesn't even talk to one of her BM's anymore. I'd rather delete those people from my life now, rather than later. 
    Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]
    Thank you! I really appreciate your response! You are very right ... it's better to find all this out now instead of later. And to be slightly cynical, if they're going to be this catty toward me (and God knows what they're saying behind my back), now I'm glad I'm not paying for their meals and place settings!

    Actually I honestly do understand why most of my friends can't make it. And I (kind of) understood why these two particular friends couldn't make it when they first told me. But then when I expressed how sad I was over it, they had the nerve to kick me while I was down? Gee thanks, some friends you are. And we've been friends for 10 years. And they most certainly knew from the get go the date and location of the wedding. I also sent out STDs way in advance and booked hotel room blocks at nearly half the regular cost.

    Really, I just need to remember that their reaction is a reflection on them, not me. The friends who I'm important to will make the effort to be there. And we really will have the small wedding we wanted, surrounded by our nearest and dearest.
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  • rlavachrlavach member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_ventcan-i-say-i-cant-wait-for-the-wedding-to-be-over?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:0a28eaab-834d-4e9c-a8c8-18e18df447f5Post:2257b0d0-60ed-4e65-aebd-7fefe2f738c6">Re: VENT...can I say I cant wait for the wedding to be over?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: VENT...can I say I cant wait for the wedding to be over? : Thank you! I really appreciate your response! You are very right ... it's better to find all this out now instead of later. And to be slightly cynical, if they're going to be this catty toward me (and God knows what they're saying behind my back), now I'm glad I'm not paying for their meals and place settings! Actually I honestly do understand why most of my friends can't make it. And I (kind of) understood why these two particular friends couldn't make it when they first told me. But then when I expressed how sad I was over it, they had the nerve to kick me while I was down? Gee thanks, some friends you are. And we've been friends for 10 years. And they most certainly knew from the get go the date and location of the wedding. I also sent out STDs way in advance and booked hotel room blocks at nearly half the regular cost. Really, I just need to remember that their reaction is a reflection on them, not me. The friends who I'm important to will make the effort to be there. And we really will have the small wedding we wanted, surrounded by our nearest and dearest.
    Posted by pattib5[/QUOTE]
    Exactly. You need to keep that attitude. It is NOT a reflection of you at all. THEY'RE the ones that look stupid. We wanted a small wedding also & I'm sort of glad that my number is dwindling...well, as long as we meet our minimum!
  • Your numbers are pretty similar to ours! 69 (hehe) invited, 50 accepted, 15 declined, 4 stragglers.

    I can't believe you still have 12 stragglers when you're closer to your date than I am!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_ventcan-i-say-i-cant-wait-for-the-wedding-to-be-over?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:0a28eaab-834d-4e9c-a8c8-18e18df447f5Post:69211d85-521b-4f28-aac3-e87debe5946c">Re: VENT...can I say I cant wait for the wedding to be over?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your numbers are pretty similar to ours! 69 (hehe) invited, 50 accepted, 15 declined, 4 stragglers. <strong>I can't believe you still have 12 stragglers when you're closer to your date than I am!</strong>
    Posted by pattib5[/QUOTE]
    Don't remind me! That is, there are at least 10 family members & bridal party members who never bothered to RSVP. But since they're part of the wedding, I know they'll be there...so I'm just counting them. My RSVP date is this Sat, but I've already started contacting people. I have no patience! <div>
    </div><div>Oh, and it took me waaaay too long to get the 69. Man, my brain is fried.</div>
  • MCCRARYSCOTTMCCRARYSCOTT member
    100 Comments
    edited March 2012
    At least you won't have about 30-40 empty seats you will still have to pay for. The venue we wanted to have our reception at usually does 2-3 weddings at a time and i wanted it to be more intimate and just about us with no other stragglers wandering around. So we rented out the entire facility, but in order to do so, we were expected to pay for a 300 headcount minimum regardless.

    We invited 415 people and thought 300 would be no problem. So far we have about 260 we know for sure that are coming and RSVP'd yes, the rest no and about 50-60 people we still haven't heard from.  I dont really care  the fact we have to pay the cost.  Well i do because it sucks its wasted money, but it will look funny to see entire empty tables.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_ventcan-i-say-i-cant-wait-for-the-wedding-to-be-over?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:0a28eaab-834d-4e9c-a8c8-18e18df447f5Post:f27b2e82-e69c-40ea-a670-164a55b780e6">Re: VENT...can I say I cant wait for the wedding to be over?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: VENT...can I say I cant wait for the wedding to be over? : Don't remind me! That is, there are at least 10 family members & bridal party members who never bothered to RSVP. But since they're part of the wedding, I know they'll be there...so I'm just counting them. My RSVP date is this Sat, but I've already started contacting people. I have no patience!  Oh, and it took me waaaay too long to get the 69. Man, my brain is fried.
    Posted by rlavach[/QUOTE]
    Oh I so feel you on the bridal party members not RSVPing. My FMIL is one of the people I'm still waiting on an RSVP! Of course we know she'll be there, but we have entree options and need to know what she wants to eat. I had to track down almost every single one of our bridal party. And then there's my aunt who won't be able to give a firm answer until less than 2 weeks before the wedding. Sigh.
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  • pattib5pattib5 member
    100 Comments
    edited March 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_ventcan-i-say-i-cant-wait-for-the-wedding-to-be-over?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:0a28eaab-834d-4e9c-a8c8-18e18df447f5Post:474c1bdd-836e-4f08-9d2c-4973271e8cb2">Re: VENT...can I say I cant wait for the wedding to be over?</a>:
    [QUOTE]At least you won't have about 30-40 empty seats you will still have to pay for. The venue we wanted to have our reception at usually does 2-3 weddings at a time and i wanted it to be more intimate and just about us with no other stragglers wandering around. So we rented out the entire facility, but in order to do so, we were expected to pay for a 300 headcount minimum regardless. We invited 415 people and thought 300 would be no problem. So far we have about 260 we know for sure that are coming and RSVP'd yes, the rest no and about 50-60 people we still haven't heard from.  I dont really care  the fact we have to pay the cost.  Well i do because it sucks its wasted money,<strong> but it will look funny to see entire empty tables.</strong>
    Posted by MCCRARYSCOTT[/QUOTE]

    I hope you hear from those last 50-60 people soon! When's your RSVP deadline?

    Regarding the empty tables, could you use that space for something else? Maybe a photo booth and/or a fun activity area for the kids? Or bring in some sofas and make it into a lounge area?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2012-weddings_ventcan-i-say-i-cant-wait-for-the-wedding-to-be-over?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:05427f07-4ba2-44d6-9271-99a7af1ee5c0Discussion:0a28eaab-834d-4e9c-a8c8-18e18df447f5Post:97b3db4f-e685-4fa6-a2c7-17e6def42258">Re: VENT...can I say I cant wait for the wedding to be over?</a>:
    [QUOTE]... My reception is DIY and pretty informal at an American Legion Hall. No assigned seating and just a big ol' rectangular room where people will gravitate toward those they know and sit at tables they choose. 
    Posted by jillzky[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is pretty much how ours is, too. I'm so glad I don't have to do a seating chart and add that on top of everything else! </div>
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