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Future Sister in law issue

felixabfelixab member
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in Moms and Maids
Hello,

I need help!  I have chosen my bridesmaids who are the closest to me, who know me the most, and who are going to help me through my wedding and marriage.  My futute sister in law asked my fiance to be in the wedding party even though she knows I have already chosen my bridesmaids.  She is still apart of our wedding ceremony as a reader.  I don't want to start off with my new family on a bad note, but I find it rude that she has asked to be a bridesmaid and never once has she talked to me about it, how do I handle this situation?!
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Re: Future Sister in law issue

  • jenn&chadjenn&chad member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That is odd that she asked.  How does your FI feel about this?  If he feels the same way you do I would just have him tell her nicely that you both want her to be involved and you'd love for her to read a passage at the wedding, but you've already chosen your BMs and hope she understands. 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    You have a right to pick your side of the wedding party, but FSIL is going to be part of your family for a very long time. In some families, such as mine, it is traditional to ask all siblings to be in the wedding party.

    How does your fi feel about this? Does he want to include her in the wedding party? If you don't want her as a bm, he could ask her to stand on his side as a groom's woman. She could wear the same dress that the bms are wearing, in the same or complementary color. Or she could wear a dress that matches the other groomsmen attire, depending on what makes her comfortable.


                       
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  • felixabfelixab member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    My FI understands that I don't really want her to be a BM and he is okay with that, but he feels bad for her and his Mother is also sad for her as well.  I am not close to my FSIL and really would feel more comfortable for her to be a reader and my FI respects that, I just wished his family would respect that as well.  Also, she isn't the only sibling not apart of the WP, my FI did not ask my brother, which I'm okay along with my family as well.  Just wished my FSIL was not pushing to be a BM and me looking like the bad guy.

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  • LoveMuffinsLoveMuffins member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Tell him she can be a groomswoman if he really wants her in the WP. Since she's not the only one, and your brother isn't in the WP as well, then you def don't look like the bad guy.
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  • perkins81perkins81
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    edited December 2011

    I would go with your original BMs and gently remind her that your own brother was not asked to be in the WP either. My guess is that she's excited because her brother is getting married and she wants to be a part of the big day. She probably feels this is an opportunity for her to get all dressed up and look pretty as she celebrates her brother's big day (nothing wrong with that) . . . BUT it's not her decision whether or not to be in the WP and she needs to just accept it as it is.

    Does she realize that your brother isn't in the WP either?  It's possible that she hasn't thought about that, so I would definitely bring it up to her and "remind" her that she isn't the only one being left out of the WP.

    Good luck!

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  • FutureMrsHackettFutureMrsHackett member
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    edited December 2011
    You should go with your original choice. Your FSIL will get over it. Its not what you say its how you say it. Tell her you've chosen your bridal party and would really like for her to read as planned. Another option is to add her as an hostess.
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  • theluckiest555theluckiest555
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_future-sister-law-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:18a6be41-44b1-4101-bad2-20a99992a7edPost:74873994-4b9f-4078-ae54-f4c3b6c49731">Re: Future Sister in law issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Tell him she can be a groomswoman</strong> if he really wants her in the WP. Since she's not the only one, and your brother isn't in the WP as well, then you def don't look like the bad guy.
    Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

    I actually really like this idea. Not everyone loves the idea of having a groomswoman, but I think it's becoming more popular. My FI's best friend is a woman, so she is being a groomswoman. She will stand on his side, but she is wearing the same dress as the bridesmaids.

    ETA: If that plan isn't an option, than I agree with PP's. I would kindly explain to her that you have already chosen your BM's and you don't want to have too many. I like your idea of having her do a reading, that is a great way of including someone not in the WP.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    I can't believe she had the balls to ask to be in your wedding!!!  Who in their right mind WANTS to be in a wedding?  If I am never in another WP for as long as I live I will be one happy person.  It is girls like your FSIL that are the worst to work with when planning parties and such because they will end up having their feelings hurt when their ideas aren't accepted.  Just tell her that you already have your WP picked but that you are looking forward to her doing the reading.


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Does she know your brother isn't in the WP?  She may think she's the only sibling not in the wedding and feel left out.  Have your FI tell/remind her that he didn't ask your brother so he can't ask you to ask her.    If they already know that he told you, he could always say the two of you discussed it and if you add her, you'll have to add your brother and you want to keep the WP small (or it's already pretty big and you two don't want it any bigger).
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