Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!

ciarahkyles · April 2012

I am Married yes but not how I would like to be. lol I love my husband he is in the Army and soon will be deploying. I would love a military wedding in military chapel but my question is.. Is it possible to have a military wedding if you and your husband are already married?

kara811 · April 2012

Yes, you may have a vow renewal, but I have no idea what the rules are for a military wedding since we didn't have one. Maybe the other ladies can help you out better.

CAB1217 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-married-but-i-want-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:32c35679-e1b0-4cbb-bf20-839fd71213cePost:204f5210-1ef7-4c7e-8537-fb51677334e2">Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am Married yes but not how I would like to be. lol I love my husband he is in the Army and soon will be deploying. I would love a military wedding in military chapel but my question is.. Is it possible to have a military wedding if you and your husband are already married?
Posted by ciarahkyles[/QUOTE]

JIC

OP, you HAD a real wedding. Congratulations.

Maybe this will help you out a little bit:

<a href="http://militarybrides.weebly.com/real-stories-of-the-jop.html" rel="nofollow">http://militarybrides.weebly.com/real-stories-of-the-jop.html</a>

Also, I'd consider changing your name for your own protection. You'll have to start a new account, but it's worth it.

divinemsbee · April 2012

They might let you renew your vows in the chapel, but you need to talk with a chaplain about that, ditto on what they will or won't do or what military procedures for vow renewals are. From your post in a previous thread, it sounded more like what you really wanted were photos of a pretty day. If that's all you really want, I don't think renting or buying a dress cheaply and having him in his dress uniform and getting a photographer is a bad idea. It'd be kind of like a Trash the Dress session without doing anything really bad to the dress. I think if that's what you want, that would be infinitely better than trying to do a VR just for pics, especially if you think your families won't come or that there will be drama.

CAB1217 · April 2012

Thanks for pointing that out, Divine. I deleted your previous comment, Ciara. Again, for your and your H's protection. You should probably go read the Welcome thread, as well. Personal information and dates are a huge no on these type of pubilc forums. You have NO idea how many crazies could be lurking.

ggirl2001 · April 2012

Yes, you can have a vow renewal. I am not sure if it can be in a military chapel or not. But he can wear his dress uniform (not suit) if he wants. What other aspects are you looking for?

Guys this might be the nicest response i've ever put to this question. Do I get a medal or something?

CAB1217 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-married-but-i-want-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:32c35679-e1b0-4cbb-bf20-839fd71213cePost:492935d0-2a52-4655-a342-2e51b02e05ff">Re: Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, you can have a vow renewal. I am not sure if it can be in a military chapel or not. But he can wear his dress uniform (not suit) if he wants. What other aspects are you looking for? <strong>Guys this might be the nicest response i've ever put to this question. Do I get a medal or something?
</strong>Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

No. In fact, I'm kinda dissapointed in you. ;)

ggirl2001 · April 2012

I'm giving the OP benefit of the doubt that she has no clue that saying she wants a "real wedding" can be offensive to people.

Also, to OP. A wedding is the day you get married, not the day you have a big white dress and party with people. That's why it can be offensive, because a lot of people don't have big white dresses and party, but rather, just say vows and keep it simple.

I don't begrudge you for wanting the big white dress party, I had one too. But just call it what it is, since you are already married, you can't get married again (unless you divorce him and remarry him).

CAB1217 · April 2012

Geegs, I think you do deserve an award:

Sorry, I know how crappy it looks

ggirl2001 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-married-but-i-want-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:32c35679-e1b0-4cbb-bf20-839fd71213cePost:64506bf3-58f1-4e6f-b592-5e49fc41adef">Re: Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]Geegs, I think you do deserve an award: Sorry, I know how crappy it looks :(
Posted by CAB1217[/QUOTE]
YAY!

firemedicrr · April 2012

That has to go in your siggy, geeg.

It'll throw everyone off when the bitch comes out to play

ciarahkyles · April 2012

Lol some of these posts are helpful.. sorry if i offended anyone but i just want classic wedding. And a courthouse with my everyday gear on wasnt that romantic. I love my husband just want to walk the aisle.

ggirl2001 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-married-but-i-want-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:32c35679-e1b0-4cbb-bf20-839fd71213cePost:003ff4cf-df44-4432-a3f2-c180fd1e5e88">Re: Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]Lol some of these posts are helpful.. sorry if i offended anyone but i just want classic wedding. And a courthouse with my everyday gear on wasnt that romantic. I love my husband just want to walk the aisle.
Posted by ciarahkyles[/QUOTE]
I could tell you didn't mean to offend anyone. <div>
</div><div>I would start with the place you want to have your vow renewal at and go from there. Also please please follow Cab's advice about reading some of the stickies. I can guarantee a lot of your questions you might have are answered. </div>

CAB1217 · April 2012

In Response to Re:Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!:[QUOTE]Lol some of these posts are helpful.. sorry if i offended anyone but i just want classic wedding. And a courthouse with my everyday gear on wasnt that romantic. I love my husband just want to walk the aisle. Posted by ciarahkyles[/QUOTE]
May I ask why you went te JOP route in the first place?

ciarahkyles · April 2012

Okie dokie lol thank u

CAB1217 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-married-but-i-want-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:32c35679-e1b0-4cbb-bf20-839fd71213cePost:0dfc3ce8-748b-4e29-b3a9-c97a1b79b194">Re: Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]Okie dokie lol thank u
Posted by ciarahkyles[/QUOTE]

You're SUPER welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-kiss.gif" border="0" alt="Kiss" title="Kiss" />

crownsuperstar · April 2012

Hello and welcome!

CAB- I want to add that smile face was made for you! Just saying!

Dhines17 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-married-but-i-want-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:32c35679-e1b0-4cbb-bf20-839fd71213cePost:204f5210-1ef7-4c7e-8537-fb51677334e2">Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]I am Married yes but not how I would like to be. lol I love my husband he is in the Army and soon will be deploying. I would love a military wedding in military chapel but my question is.. Is it possible to have a military wedding if you and your husband are already married?
Posted by ciarahkyles[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes you can do that like the others have said it's more like a vow renewal. My fiance and I have thought of becoming legally married then a "wedding" later when we have money and ofcourse the time, the military keeps him busy. If you both want something nice I say go for it! and plan while hes deployed it may help the time apart fly!</div>

Jennylynn802 · May 2012

I have a similar situation and my husband and I made the decision before we went to the courthouse that yes getting married at the courthouse would legally bind us but there's no reason we could'nt have a religious cermony and a reception to celebrate with our friends and family. So I believe that there is no reason you can't have what you want. As military wives we all make sacrifices such as being away from our husbands for extended periods of time and I don't think we should have to sacrifice having the wedding we truly want.

annieappy · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-married-but-i-want-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:32c35679-e1b0-4cbb-bf20-839fd71213cePost:2f7cede4-14e2-4da5-bea3-95bbee87e146">Re: Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a similar situation and my husband and I made the decision before we went to the courthouse that yes getting married at the courthouse would legally bind us but there's no reason we could'nt have a religious cermony and a reception to celebrate with our friends and family. So I believe that there is no reason you can't have what you want. As military wives we all make sacrifices such as being away from our husbands for extended periods of time and I don't think we should have to sacrifice having the wedding we truly want.
Posted by Jennylynn802[/QUOTE]

<div>Excellently worded, JL. We certainly make enough sacrifices to allow this perceived "breach of etiquette." My fiance, who is stationed on the east coast while I'm on the west coast, deploys in the fall. Our wedding is scheduled for when he returns next year, but as we found ourselves filling out that nasty "in case of death" paperwork we realized that we needed to make things legal before deployment or risk having his parents disregard his wishes. Our (Catholic) priest, a former Army guy himself, agreed to do the legal paperwork a year before our actual wedding. We will exchange rings and vows in front of our friends and family at our ceremony next year, which is what I will really consider our "wedding." </div><div>
</div><div>I wasn't crazy about the "Miss Manners" post earlier- it's a bit old fashioned and makes it sound like a wedding is a frivilous excuse to spend money and have a party, and that we are deliberately deceiving our guests by not telling them we've done the legal bit. Would I prefer to just have the wedding next year? Of course. Getting married in my church is very important to me and my family. But I am practical enough to know that my fiance will have peace of mind knowing that both he and I will be taken care of if something should happen.</div>

ggirl2001 · May 2012

In Response to Re:Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!:I have a similar situation and my husband and I made the decision before we went to the courthouse that yes getting married at the courthouse would legally bind us but there's no reason we could'nt have a religious cermony and a reception to celebrate with our friends and family. So I believe that there is no reason you can't have what you want. As military wives we all make sacrifices such as being away from our husbands for extended periods of time and I don't think we should have to sacrificenbsp;having the wedding we truly want.Posted by Jennylynn802Excellently worded, JL. We certainly make enough sacrifices to allow this perceived "breach of etiquette." My fiance, who is stationed on the east coast while I'm on the west coast, deploys in the fall. Our wedding is scheduled for when he returns next year, but as we found ourselves filling out that nasty "in case of death" paperwork we realized that we needed to make things legal before deployment or risk having his parents disregard his wishes. Our Catholic priest, a former Army guy himself, agreed to do the legal paperwork a year before our actual wedding. We will exchange rings and vows in front of our friends and family at our ceremony next year, which is what I will really consider our "wedding."nbsp;I wasn't crazy about the "Miss Manners" post earlier it's a bit old fashioned and makes it sound like a wedding is a frivilous excuse to spend money and have a party, and that we are deliberately deceiving our guests by not telling them we've done the legal bit. Would I prefer to just have the wedding next year? Of course. Getting married in my church is very important to me and my family. But I am practical enough to know that my fiance will have peace of mind knowing that both he and I will be taken care of if something should happen. Posted by annieappy[/QUOTE]
Actually you don't need to be married to have the paperwork set up to be "taken" care of. There are several girls on here who are "taken" care of without having gotten married. But nice try. Also real classy. You are deliberately deceiving your guests when they think they are attending your wedding when actually you are already married and receiving benefits from it. It makes me sick that someone thinks lying about their actual marriage is ok. Way to start your entire marriage with a lie.

annieappy · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-married-but-i-want-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:32c35679-e1b0-4cbb-bf20-839fd71213cePost:1180765c-2019-46bb-8ec9-e240fa23696c">Re:Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!: Actually you don't need to be married to have the paperwork set up to be "taken" care of. There are several girls on here who are "taken" care of without having gotten married. But nice try. Also real classy. You are deliberately deceiving your guests when they think they are attending your wedding when actually you are already married and receiving benefits from it. It makes me sick that someone thinks lying about their actual marriage is ok. Way to start your entire marriage with a lie.
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

<div>A) Thanks for being judgmental. That's cool.</div><div>B) I've actually fought my fiance on this, because I would prefer to just do the ceremony next year. He is concerned that should he die on deployment his wishes will not be honored (his parents would not). So yes, I can do that for him. I have a good job, I am self sufficient, I have my own benefits. So I'm already "taken care of". Oh, and we also will not be living together as husband and wife after the paperwork nor have ever lived together since our entire relationship has been long distance, and we will have an 8 month deployment before the wedding. Hence the CATHOLIC CHURCH has agreed to allow us to do the legal paperwork now and our ceremony next year. Our parents already know, and our guests will be invited to celebrate our church ceremony. So we're actually not lying to people. But again, thanks for the judgment, because there isn't enough of that in the world...</div><div>
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Sammy0709 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-married-but-i-want-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:32c35679-e1b0-4cbb-bf20-839fd71213cePost:d0e5a187-f71e-419e-b53f-54c44eb3ffb9">Re:Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding! : A) Thanks for being judgmental. That's cool. B) I've actually fought my fiance on this, because I would prefer to just do the ceremony next year. He is concerned that should he die on deployment his wishes will not be honored (his parents would not). So yes, I can do that for him. I have a good job, I am self sufficient, I have my own benefits. So I'm already "taken care of". Oh, and we also will not be living together as husband and wife after the paperwork nor have ever lived together since our entire relationship has been long distance, and we will have an 8 month deployment before the wedding. Hence the CATHOLIC CHURCH has agreed to allow us to do the legal paperwork now and our ceremony next year. Our parents already know, and our guests will be invited to celebrate our church ceremony. So we're actually not lying to people. But again, thanks for the judgment, because there isn't enough of that in the world...
Posted by annieappy[/QUOTE]
Not living together after getting married does not make you any less of a married couple or any less husband and wife. You're not going to convince anyone here that you are less married because of that.

ETA: I also don't know what you mean by his parents won't honor his wishes. Do you mean like burial wishes or death benefits wishes? As far as death benefits go, if you fiance makes you the beneficiary, his parents don't have a choice in what happens as far as his benefits. If you mean burial wishes, you being married doesn't really make that any less of an issue. You'll probably still have to fight them on that.

ggirl2001 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_courthouse-married-but-i-want-a-real-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:32c35679-e1b0-4cbb-bf20-839fd71213cePost:d0e5a187-f71e-419e-b53f-54c44eb3ffb9">Re:Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding! : A) Thanks for being judgmental. That's cool. B) I've actually fought my fiance on this, because I would prefer to just do the ceremony next year. He is concerned that should he die on deployment his wishes will not be honored (his parents would not). So yes, I can do that for him. I have a good job, I am self sufficient, I have my own benefits. So I'm already "taken care of". Oh, and we also will not be living together as husband and wife after the paperwork nor have ever lived together since our entire relationship has been long distance, and we will have an 8 month deployment before the wedding. Hence the CATHOLIC CHURCH has agreed to allow us to do the legal paperwork now and our ceremony next year. Our parents already know, and our guests will be invited to celebrate our church ceremony. So we're actually not lying to people. But again, thanks for the judgment, because there isn't enough of that in the world...<div>Posted by annieappy[/QUOTE]</div><div>Uh you're the one who said in your post that it makes it sound like you're deceiving your guests by not telling them that you're doing the legal bit first. So yes, i inferred that you were not telling them. Because if you were telling them, then you wouldn't be deceiving them. See how that works?</div><div>Second of all, I don't care if you're living together as husband wife before or after your wedding. Your excuses are ridiculous. You will not have an 8 month deployment before the wedding because you will be already MARRIED. You will be married the day you do that "legal bit". This isn't that difficult to comprehend. Your catholic ceremony will be your religious ceremony. But it cannot be a wedding. Because you had that already. It will actually be a convalidation. And ditto Sammy. What wishes? He can make you a beneficiary with or without a wedding, he can also make a will that dictates his burial wishes. None of those NEED to have you listed as a wife to have it completed. I don't care if you want to get married now and have 17 celebrations, but stop with the ridiculous excuses of why it NEEDS to be done at two different times. You want to have your pretty princess day (which is totally fine). But freaking own that instead of giving BS excuses. </div><div>
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Sammy0709 · May 2012

Excuses are like aholes...

Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!

Re: Courthouse Married but I want a real Wedding!

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