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Help me problem solve, pretty please.

J&K10910J&K10910 member
5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
in Snarky Brides
Ok, so we're taking my parents and FI's parents out to brunch the day after the wedding for Mother's Day.  Our treat, you know, for Mother's Day.  Now that my Grandma IS coming to the wedding, we'll obviously include her too. 

Here's the problem.  My aunt (dad's sister, grandma's daughter) is my grandma's transportation.  So it would be rude to exclude her, IMO.  But if I invite her, I then feel obligated to invite HER daughter and her boyfriend.  The issue is that this was supposed to be a mother's day thing, and none of FI's aunts/uncles/cousins are invited.  We can't just invite them all because they're 70% of the guest list.

My friend suggested I talk to my cousin and let her know what's going on and suggest/ask her if she wants to take HER mom (so Aunt, grandma's transportation) out to brunch there.  But I kind of feel like it's rude for me to ask that, and I have no idea how to word it.  Halp?  Or other ideas?

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Re: Help me problem solve, pretty please.

  • pirategal03pirategal03 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    I think you can invite Grandma without inviting your aunt.  Can your parents not drive her that day?
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  • ArmyofUsArmyofUs member
    First Comment
    edited April 2011
    Can someone else give grandma a ride?
    Beaten to the punch...damn
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  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    Aunt is bringing her up from 3 hours away, and will have to wait for her before making the return trip, PLUS I'm assuming she would also like to spend Mother's Day with her mother.

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  • ArmyofUsArmyofUs member
    First Comment
    Okay...that changes things a bit.  Have you thought about asking all the female family in the area and having a mother's day brunch/get together?
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  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_problem-solve-pretty-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4125ed30-8d52-463f-887c-fc34cd55ea3ePost:55d331c6-90b0-4d2d-8ae3-1982462b892c">Re: Help me problem solve, pretty please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay...that changes things a bit.  Have you thought about asking all the female family in the area and having a mother's day brunch/get together?
    Posted by ArmyofUs[/QUOTE]

    As much as I'd love to do that, we really wanted to keep it to our parents and my grandma only.  If we did what you suggested, that will essentially be 90% of our guestlist and we just can't swing that. 

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  • Steph0871Steph0871
    First Comment
    edited April 2011
    Well, your aunt isn't driving up just for brunch, right? She'd be making the drive anyway to go to the wedding.

    I think it's fine not inviting the aunt, to be honest.  Or, if you're close enough to the cousin, I'd approach her with the plans. I wouldn't mention excluding your aunt, though.  Just say it like "hey, H* and I are planning on taking our parents to brunch that morning, and inviting grandma too.  Do you want to take your mom to brunch with us? It might be a fun family meal!"

    *see what I did there? 'cause he'll be your HUSBAND at brunch. :)
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  • dmiller9274dmiller9274 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_problem-solve-pretty-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4125ed30-8d52-463f-887c-fc34cd55ea3ePost:882fd771-fcd9-41eb-8d49-ee18bedc24cf">Re: Help me problem solve, pretty please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, your aunt isn't driving up just for brunch, right? She'd be making the drive anyway to go to the wedding. I think it's fine not inviting the aunt, to be honest.  Or, if you're close enough to the cousin, I'd approach her with the plans. I wouldn't mention excluding your aunt, though.  <strong>Just say it like "hey, H* and I are planning on taking our parents to brunch that morning, and inviting grandma too.  Do you want to take your mom to brunch with us? It might be a fun family meal!" *see what I did there? 'cause he'll be your HUSBAND at brunch. :)</strong>
    Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]
    I think this sounds like a really good idea
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  • pirategal03pirategal03 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    I still don't think you have to expand your guest list.  It was a big deal to get Grandma to come to the wedding anyway, right?  Are the chances high that she'll want to come to the brunch?  Are they staying the night after the wedding, or would they be coming back again for Mother's Day? 
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  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    He sure will be my husband at brunch! 

    I like your wording Steph.  Something like that will probably work.  Thanks :)

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  • ArmyofUsArmyofUs member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_problem-solve-pretty-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:4125ed30-8d52-463f-887c-fc34cd55ea3ePost:882fd771-fcd9-41eb-8d49-ee18bedc24cf">Re: Help me problem solve, pretty please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, your aunt isn't driving up just for brunch, right? She'd be making the drive anyway to go to the wedding. I think it's fine not inviting the aunt, to be honest.  Or, if you're close enough to the cousin, I'd approach her with the plans. I wouldn't mention excluding your aunt, though.  Just say it like "hey, H* and I are planning on taking our parents to brunch that morning, and inviting grandma too.  Do you want to take your mom to brunch with us? It might be a fun family meal!" *see what I did there? 'cause he'll be your HUSBAND at brunch. :)
    Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]
    That's where my brain was going...I guess I just didn't elaborate well.
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  • MandK9MandK9 member
    First Comment
    edited April 2011
    So, could you talk to the cousin and phrase it in such a way that you're not flat out saying, "Hey, come, but you have to pay"... like "Hey Cousin (omg, don't call her Cousin), K and I are planning on treating our parents and Grandma out for brunch the morning after the wedding.  Since your mom is driving Grandma, would you take your mom out with us?" Or, something... I'm not eloquent. Bah.

    ETA: Dammit, there were 4 responses when I started this response. Sigh. Yeah, what Steph said.
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  • Steph0871Steph0871
    First Comment
    edited April 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_problem-solve-pretty-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4125ed30-8d52-463f-887c-fc34cd55ea3ePost:dc0f42c9-a719-48d8-9efe-370034d3a92e">Re: Help me problem solve, pretty please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]He sure will be my husband at brunch!  I like your wording Steph.  Something like that will probably work.  Thanks :)
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    <div>Minnesota passive-aggressiveness at it's finest. </div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: it also will likely lead to cousin telling your aunt that you're planning to take grandma to brunch ;)</div>
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  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_problem-solve-pretty-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4125ed30-8d52-463f-887c-fc34cd55ea3ePost:07e25e1d-d938-418d-ba53-20605fd9b863">Re: Help me problem solve, pretty please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]I still don't think you have to expand your guest list.  It was a big deal to get Grandma to come to the wedding anyway, right?  Are the chances high that she'll want to come to the brunch?  Are they staying the night after the wedding, or would they be coming back again for Mother's Day? 
    Posted by pirategal03[/QUOTE]

    I think she'll want to come to brunch because her being along on Mother's Day (if she didn't come) was a big point of contention.  They will be staying the wedding night.

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  • reilsreils member
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    If you originally planned for it to just be you guys and your parents I would just leave it that way. I think any other way people are going to feel left out. 
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  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_problem-solve-pretty-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4125ed30-8d52-463f-887c-fc34cd55ea3ePost:ae068d54-b7f3-402d-b099-508ac0ddafaa">Re: Help me problem solve, pretty please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help me problem solve, pretty please. : Minnesota passive-aggressiveness at it's finest.  ETA: it also will likely lead to cousin telling your aunt that you're planning to take grandma to brunch ;)
    Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

    Ha.  I think the wedding has eaten my brain.  Can you come do my thinking for me for the next 10 days? 

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  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_problem-solve-pretty-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4125ed30-8d52-463f-887c-fc34cd55ea3ePost:8a81fe0d-de29-4e68-863c-773b8fd89f16">Re: Help me problem solve, pretty please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you originally planned for it to just be you guys and your parents I would just leave it that way. I think any other way people are going to feel left out. 
    Posted by reils[/QUOTE]

    Well it was originally planned to be us and our parents and my grandma (the only living grandma we have between the two of us).  But then grandma decided she wasn't coming, so it would just be us and our parents, but then she decided she WAS coming, and then she decided she wasn't coming, and then she decided she was.

    So of course there's still a chance she'll decide she's not coming, but I believe they made a hotel reservation this time. 

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  • Steph0871Steph0871
    First Comment
    Sure, J!

    Oh, I'm not sure if you saw it (I don't even remember where I hid it), but IKEA does have vases.  I think you ordered some online anyway, though. Just didn't want you to think I forgot about you ;)
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  • JenGin74JenGin74 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_problem-solve-pretty-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4125ed30-8d52-463f-887c-fc34cd55ea3ePost:882fd771-fcd9-41eb-8d49-ee18bedc24cf">Re: Help me problem solve, pretty please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, your aunt isn't driving up just for brunch, right? She'd be making the drive anyway to go to the wedding. I think it's fine not inviting the aunt, to be honest.  Or, if you're close enough to the cousin, I'd approach her with the plans. I wouldn't mention excluding your aunt, though.  Just say it like "hey, H* and I are planning on taking our parents to brunch that morning, and inviting grandma too.  Do you want to take your mom to brunch with us? It might be a fun family meal!" *see what I did there? 'cause he'll be your HUSBAND at brunch. :)
    Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]


    This sounds perfect.
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  • J&K10910J&K10910 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_problem-solve-pretty-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:4125ed30-8d52-463f-887c-fc34cd55ea3ePost:1f5ae967-d2d8-4ce7-9564-9fa19977c1c7">Re: Help me problem solve, pretty please.</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sure, J! Oh, I'm not sure if you saw it (I don't even remember where I hid it), but IKEA does have vases.  I think you ordered some online anyway, though. Just didn't want you to think I forgot about you ;)
    Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

    I DID order some online, but I'm getting nervous because I ordered them on Saturday and they haven't shipped yet.  And every time I call, I wait on hold for like 2 minutes before they make me leave a message.  So I've been trying to find them somewhere in a store so I can buy them so I have SOMETHING and I can either cancel my order or take the store bought ones back if I do get the ones I ordered online soon.  So, actually, that's quite helpful!  Thanks :)

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  • missy68missy68
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    That's just fine. I didn't want to have brunch. ;)  :P
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