Wedding Etiquette Forum

OMG my MOG

My Fiancé’s family drives me crazy. I think his mother hates me. Please, tell me if I am overreacting. 


This all started out so nice. I even made his sister a bridesmaid, and both my brothers are in the wedding. His sister has been in bad health in the past, and is finally back at school. But she won't even answer my text messages. At the last bridesmaid get together, she loudly complained to anyone who would listen that I scheduled the event the day before she had a morning class. When I was trying on my dress for the first time, my fiance's sister took one look at the train on the dress and said, "I hope you don't think I'm going to straighten that out at the altar because I'm not." Her newest gripe is that she won't be able to make the bridesmaids' luncheon or the rehearsal dinner because those events will be on a Thursday, and she can't miss class. Before we set the date, my fiancé and I made sure to ok the wedding date with everyone, and I was assured that it would not be a problem.


But sister girl is only part of the problem; the MOG has really gotten on my last nerve. For every complaint her daughter makes, my MOG complains twice as loud. She was supposed to throw an engagement party, but never did. She is supposed to be throwing a couple's shower, but I don't think that is going to happen either. The MOB dress has also been a point of contention. Recently the MOB bought a dress for the wedding and unlike my mother  and grandmother who invited me to shop and purchased long dresses, my MOB bought a short, red dress to wear off the internet. She didn't even ask my opinion.


I'm fed up. The next thing we have to talk about is the decorations for the rehearsal dinner, but I'm sure I'll have to do that as well. Did I also mention that they have not put a cent toward this wedding? They are far better-off than my parents, but my parents are the only help we've got. We inquired about help for the honeymoon and they just said we’d have to make it work with our wedding budget.


HELP!

Re: OMG my MOG

  • Pretty much everything CMGr said. 

    Also you need to give your FSIL a break. It's nice that you asked her to be a BM, but all she's required to do is purchase the dress (the budget of which is discussed privately with her) and show up sober. That's pretty much it. She in no way is required to come to every little BM luncheon and party. If she can't make it to the rehearsal let it go. It's not impossible to put one foot in front of the other down an aisle.

    One thing you're going to learn is nobody cares about your day as much as you do. Once you accept that and lower your expectations things will be a lot better.
  • Your sister in law needs to shut her trap and stop whining. And what your in laws do or don't do are beyond your control. Just roll with it. If they're taking care of the rehearsal dinner than dont talk about the decorations, you pay, your rules. They pay, their rules. And wouldn't you have more satisfaction paying paying for your own honeymoon? Sure , I know that all families making a contribution makes things so much easier but, you can't expect help, just accept what help does come in. And while you can't determine what she wears, Also do not agree with her choice. Did she tell you she was going to throw you an engagement party? If so than boo on her for not coming through. But why not throw your own? I know it's against etiquette, but we wanted a party before my FSIL went back to NC so we planned our own at my moms house. And no one cared. Well at least that I know of. Technically, she hosted because she paid and all that but I planned it. At some point, you will have to get along with your in laws, or at least tolerate them for a couple hours at a time. Consider this practice.
  • Your FSIL just got over a major illness/medical problem and is going to school full time, and she can't make every event?  That is fine.  Your wedding is incredibly special to you, but life still exists.  She can't drop everything to attend every single shower and party.

    Also, maybe it is just where I'm from, but engagement parties and couples showers are incredibly uncommon, as is decorating for the rehearsal dinner.  And the MOG should buy a dress she loves, not one you dictate.

    And you should be prepared to pay for the entire wedding yourself, if anyone helps you out you should be grateful, and you should never, never ask for money.

    Just sit down and think of all the wonderful things going on your life, and stop thinking about the negative!  
  • Oh, my ... exactly how many meetings, luncheons and get-togethers are required of your bridesmaids?  Your FSIL may have been a bit snippy in her comment but I can imagine she might be wondering what she's gotten herself into.  Why isn't showing up at the wedding, looking pretty in the outfit you've chosen, enough?

    As for the other issues, everyone here has given great feedback.  YOU and your fiance should be fully, 100% responsible (financially and otherwise) for your wedding and honeymoon.  Are you over-reacting?  In a word, YES.
  • edited November 2012
    No one has done anything wrong here but you. Class is a pretty darn good reason to not be able to attend a RD. I took many college classes where your grade got docked when you weren't there. Sorry, but someone's college education is more important than your wedding, and especially more important than the rehearsal, which is not even the real wedding. You cannot expect your BMs to attend all these get-togethers, dress try-ons, luncheons, etc. People have lives outside your wedding. I wouldn't even want to go watch the bride try her dress on because, you know, it's not that exciting, so I'd just be happy she came to watch you.

    Your FMIL gets to pick her own dress. What's wrong with shopping on the Internet? Andplusalso, both my mom and H's mom wore cocktail length dresses to our wedding and looked absolutely lovely. You don't get a say in that matter. And no one is required to throw you parties or showers, so get that idea out of your head now. If someone offers, that's extra.

    ETA: I had skipped the part about asking for HM money. Listen, you've gotta get over yourself. You are coming across on here as a spoiled brat. YOU and your FI are the two people responsible for paying for your wedding and your vacations. No one owes you a cent, not even your own parents. If you're grown up enough to marry, you're adult enough to pay for your own damn HM. Many of us here did it without mom and dad's help and you can too. It's called saving and taking a trip you can afford or putting it off til you can afford it.


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    Vacation
  • Except for the passive-aggressive way they whine, I fail to see a problem with anything either one of them as done.


    ::shrugs::


    Attending class should triumph a RD






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I haaaate when people schedule rehearsals and rehearsal dinners on Thursdays.  HATE.  If the wedding is on a Saturday then it's inexcusable in my opinion (because there's no law that says you must rehearse at the venue) and I'd 100% make a point that I had class.  If your wedding is on a Friday then you should understand that people have commitments on Thursday evenings and be a little more gracious about their time.

    How many bridesmaids get together have you had?  My god.  I've been a MOH twice and a bride once.  I've never been to a bridesmaid get together ...ever.
  • Slow your roll there sugar britches.  You're acting real close to Bridezilla territory.  I would take a step back, if I were you, and realize how you sound. 
  • I'm with ahstillwell....
    Praying for a miracle!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_omg-my-mog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a3fd2d9-3144-47ac-860c-8b2e247c4d19Post:6a3df81e-0a69-4b7e-b85e-d1fd6c3a6625">Re:OMG my MOG</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your sister in law needs to shut her trap and stop whining. And what your in laws do or don't do are beyond your control. Just roll with it. If they're taking care of the rehearsal dinner than dont talk about the decorations, you pay, your rules. They pay, their rules. And wouldn't you have more satisfaction paying paying for your own honeymoon? Sure , I know that all families making a contribution makes things so much easier but, you can't expect help, just accept what help does come in. And while you can't determine what she wears, Also do not agree with her choice. Did she tell you she was going to throw you an engagement party? If so than boo on her for not coming through. But why not throw your own? I know it's against etiquette, but we wanted a party before my FSIL went back to NC so we planned our own at my moms house. And no one cared. Well at least that I know of. Technically, she hosted because she paid and all that but I planned it. At some point, you will have to get along with your in laws, or at least tolerate them for a couple hours at a time. Consider this practice.
    Posted by darlinganastasia[/QUOTE]

    Please stop posting on the etiquette board.  You are giving bad advice (for the most part) in your response to the OP.  You even said that throwing your own engagement party is against etiquette on an etiquette board.  Do you realize how backwards that is?

    As for OP - you need to stop complaining.  FSIL may be having to catch up in school since she was out with an illness for so long.  Give her a break.  If she complains during your BM get togethers (which I'm not sure why you are even having them), then stop inviting her.

    Did you FILs offer you a rehersal dinner or did you demand that as well as the honeymoon. If FILs are paying for the RD, they get the say in the where.  And most restaurants don't need decorations, so I don't know why you are freaking out over that as well.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_omg-my-mog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a3fd2d9-3144-47ac-860c-8b2e247c4d19Post:00b513dc-72fe-422e-89e7-d1f432526c04">Re: OMG my MOG</a>:
    [QUOTE]The sister should quit complaining (moving a train is not a big deal and another girl can do it) but you need to quit complaining about your FMIL; she hasn't done anything wrong. She didn't need to consult you on her dress and she doesn't have to throw you any parties. Sure, complaining  is annoying, but then don't talk wedding with her. <strong> Also, you actually wanted your FILs to pay for your sex vacation? Ewwww. And why does the rehersal dinner need to be decorated? Did I miss something? </strong>
    Posted by Harry87[/QUOTE]


    Isn't that one of the more traditional things that the groom's side pays for (when offered)?

    Not to say that people have to stick to tradition like that, or that it wasn't completely out of line for the OP to ask (It definitely was). I just don't think it would be strange to see a situation where one of the parents paid (when they offered to do so)
  • You asked if you're overreacting? You're not overreacting for a bridezilla.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_omg-my-mog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a3fd2d9-3144-47ac-860c-8b2e247c4d19Post:52492369-5ef9-48eb-9b1e-00a8d4c6b8f4">Re: OMG my MOG</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OMG my MOG : "Traditionally" the GROOM pays for it, as well as the wedding rings.  The groom's PARENTS pay for the RD.  But of course, there is zero reason to expect anyone to pay for any of this stuff, tradition be dammed.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]


    Oh, right, I completely get that. No one should be expected to pay for anything. I just wouldn't be surprised to see someone offer to pay for it, if they had the means, so I thought the "ewww" response was a bit strange.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_omg-my-mog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a3fd2d9-3144-47ac-860c-8b2e247c4d19Post:f26a787c-9365-4be9-bb11-d48164eb3191">Re: OMG my MOG</a>:
    [QUOTE]Those aren't the droids you're looking for. Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    FTW!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_omg-my-mog?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:3a3fd2d9-3144-47ac-860c-8b2e247c4d19Post:aba02319-d1e0-49be-8784-0d7eb0d45947">Re: OMG my MOG</a>:
    [QUOTE]Except for the passive-aggressive way they whine, I fail to see a problem with anything either one of them as done. ::shrugs:: Attending class should triumph a RD
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    I'm with lynda
  • PPs pretty much have it covered.  All I can say is, if you have this entitled attitude about everything, it is no suprise your FILs are whining.  
  • I cant get past this: "Her newest gripe is that she won't be able to make the bridesmaids' luncheon or the rehearsal dinner because those events will be on a Thursday, and she can't miss class. Before we set the date, my fianc and I made sure to ok the wedding date with everyone, and I was assured that it would not be a problem." Are the rehearsal dinner and the bridal luncheon being held the same day as the wedding?
    image
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