Christian/ Catholic Interfaith Wedding Dilemma

katiebono · May 2012

My fiancé and I are having trouble deciding what to do for our wedding ceremony. I am Catholic and my family is adamant that I should get married in the Catholic Church. My fiancé’s parents were forced to marry in the Congregationalist church because the Catholic Church and the Jewish Synagogue would not allow them to marry on account of theirs being an interfaith wedding. I know things are different now and my fiancé and I could get married in the Catholic Church today, but his parents are still a bit hurt from the way they were treated and they do not want my fiancé to get married in the Catholic Church. I can't say I blame them, but now my fiancé and I are in an awkward spot because no matter what we do our either his parents or mine are going to be upset/ hurt.

To make things even more difficult, my side of the wedding is driving from across the state to attend, and the closest church to the reception site is a Catholic Church, literally 30 seconds away. We considered an outdoor wedding at the reception with a Catholic priest, but it is impossible to find a priest who will marry outside of a church. We've also considered an outdoor wedding at the reception site with my fiancé’s Congregationalist minister and perhaps a priest to give a blessing, but I am not sure if a priest would be willing, and even if a priest would give a blessing at a Christian interfaith wedding what if it rains outside?

Does anyone have any suggestions to help us out?

calliopeia2013 · May 2012

I see an awful lot about what your families want in here, and absolutely nothing about what you and your FI want. Are YOU (and FI) a practicing Catholic? Is being married in the Church important to YOU (and FI)? If yes, you should get married in the Church. Your FI's parents' old grudge should not outweigh your religious beliefs. If not, you shouldn't (regardless of what church is closest to the reception site), because it's disrespectful to participate in the sacraments of a religion you don't believe in- you're an adult, and your parents don't get to control what religion you practice.

chao_sweetie · May 2012

My Fiance and I are dealing with the same thing. So to compromise we will have our wedding at an offsite vendor of my choosing and we will be married by his priest, if we can. He wanted to be married at his church, but I do not want to be married at a church. I wanted to get married at a huge tuscany inspired event hall that we can have our reception at. He agreed but wanted his priest to marry us which is fine. We have to talk to him to see if he will marry us. We have been having so much problems from his family though. His brother hates me, his parents kind of don't like the fact I am not Catholic and what they call a "liberal" - meaning I hang out with homosexuals... but we are taking it one day at a time.

My advice - It's your wedding. It's your day. My mom is not happy I am going to do something else instead of a cake..(it's a secret ^__^) but I am not going to compromise with someone who I am not getting married too. My advice is ask around for a priest who is willing to do it and you are luck your chuch is kind of close to the reception hall.. Our guest would have to travel almost 45 miles to get to the reception hall. If it is important to you to get married in a church then do it.. If you want to go a non traditional and have it your way. Then do it. It's your day.. so be a Bridezilla...lol

HobokensFury · May 2012

We had a wedding with all traditional Catholic elements performed by a nondenominational Christian Minister. Maybe you could compromise and have a ceremony with both elements.

NOLAbridealmost · May 2012

What do you and FI want? This is LITERALLY the one aspect of the wedding that is all about you and your FI's beliefs-- no one else's. Are you Catholic and intend to keep practicing? Then get with FI and figure out a way to make that work with the wedding. You will be barred from the sacraments (so, technically, excommunicated) if you don't have a wedding that conforms to the Church's beliefs. Are you done with the Catholic faith? Then DON'T have a Catholic wedding at all. It's disrespectful to do that.

I know firsthand how hard it can be to publicly leave your parents' church for the first time. Both my H and I come from devoutly Catholic families but neither of us practice or want to. It was hard telling them we were having a civil ceremony. But trust me, now's as good a time as any to become an adult and stop following your parent's beliefs if it's not what you believe too.

Lisa50 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_christian-catholic-interfaith-wedding-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:4d8b898a-b7c5-460b-870d-1e05dea97837Post:48ee02e3-280e-46bd-986a-b7ca92257cee">Re: Christian/ Catholic Interfaith Wedding Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I see an awful lot about what your families want in here, and absolutely nothing about what you and your FI want. Are YOU (and FI) a practicing Catholic? Is being married in the Church important to YOU (and FI)? If yes, you should get married in the Church. Your FI's parents' old grudge should not outweigh your religious beliefs. If not, you shouldn't (regardless of what church is closest to the reception site), because it's disrespectful to participate in the sacraments of a religion you don't believe in- you're an adult, and your parents don't get to control what religion you practice.
Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]

Those were going to be my exact questions, because I observed the same thing in OP's post. What do you and your FI want? Proximity to the reception venue is <u>not</u> a valid reason for choosing a Catholic Church. Most pastors prefer couples (or at least one member of the couple) belong to their parish.

It sounds like you might want to consider having the ceremony at the reception venue. Find an officiant (religious or not) who performs ceremonies there. Good luck!

katiebono · June 2012

Thank you all so much for your ideas! It's such relief to get a perspective outside of everyone we know lol. My FI and I were talking and we are going to look into an outdoor wedding at the venue with his pastor and a Catholic priest to give a blessing. He really wants an outdoor wedding, and we think it would be a great way to combine what WE both want. Our families will be happy with whatever we decide eventually, so you are all right, it should be about what we want. Thanks so much!

chao_sweetie · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_christian-catholic-interfaith-wedding-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:4d8b898a-b7c5-460b-870d-1e05dea97837Post:4423302e-c6e7-4284-9029-c9e964a96576">Re: Christian/ Catholic Interfaith Wedding Dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you all so much for your ideas! It's such relief to get a perspective outside of everyone we know lol. My FI and I were talking and we are going to look into an outdoor wedding at the venue with his pastor and a Catholic priest to give a blessing. He really wants an outdoor wedding, and we think it would be a great way to combine what WE both want. Our families will be happy with whatever we decide eventually, so you are all right, it should be about what we want. Thanks so much!
Posted by katiebono[/QUOTE]

Great to hear !! I wish you both happiness ^___^

Christian/ Catholic Interfaith Wedding Dilemma

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